Is monogamy monotonous?

17 Sep 2018

The cocktail of lust and love is a drug that gives a massive kick. Nothing compares to the feeling of new found infatuation, the euphoria that comes with wanting and being wanted, the ripple of excitement when you get a text from a loved one. The euphoria however wears off with time creating room for an attractive “other” to lure you away and challenge the sanctity of your relationship. 

Sethunya Mosime, senior Sociology lecturer at the University of Botswana says Monogamy can be monotonous but not always. “Lots of couples claim they are happy in monogamous relationships but what they mean when you push them to explain is simply that they don’t have the sort of rows that unhappy couples do. What they don’t tell you is that their life is frankly monotonous. And why wouldn’t it be? Human beings thrive on novelty and diversity. Their most memorable moments, the ones they cherish, are the ones of conquest and seduction; glances of mutual appreciation; the regular rediscovery of intimacy. Yet bowed down by tradition, by doing what’s expected of them, those wedded to the idea of fidelity settle down with someone and within years if not months, find that boredom – inevitably – sets in. Monogamy kills the romance of life,” says Mosime.

“Not me. I adore my partner. Things are still so fresh. And I have so much to lose if I were to stray.”- are the most common come backs from “stable couples” when presented with Mosime’s insight.

Long-term relationships suffer from predictability. For some, predictable can mean security and comfort but predictable can also bring about routine without variance and more importantly without excitement. 

Laone Mathiba a salesman at Renault Botswana admits that monogamy is not easy but is quick to add that sometimes it keeps you out of trouble. “In relationships where there are children involved, having multiple sexual partners in a marriage might destabilise the marriage and in turn this might disturb the children. Erotic exploration has its costs. I wholeheartedly agree that monogamy isn’t easy. And considering the alternatives, I still think monogamy, with all of its imperfections, is the best thing we’ve got.”

Thebe Mokgware an accountant at Pula Medical Fund says monogamy just needs a little more effort and nothing else ‘I know of people who get hall passes in relationships, the concept of a hall pass is completely inconceivable to me. If a girl wanted to cheat on me, I'd rather break up with her and never speak to her again. Just the thought of another man touching my woman is enough to send me crazy. As tough as guys think they are, we are actually weak when it comes to such things,  which is probably why at the end of the day, a hall pass isn't such an appealing way to spice things up. Perhaps couples should be less hard on each other, stop sweating the small stuff and start to put in more effort.”  No one ever complained about getting roses, and no man ever complained about his partner buying a new set of sexy lingerie ... as long as he's the only one who gets to see her in it.”