It was sheer pandemonium last week Friday.
I had never seen anything like it. There were long queues all over the place. A visitor from outer space would have wondered what the hell was going on.
Actually the queues started in the morning. Men and women. The young and old got up at the crack of dawn to make sure they were in front.
The rich, the poor, the jobless and people from all walks of life formed a heaving mass of humanity in queues around the country. In many offices workers were no where to be seen.
The municipality could not empty the refuse bins because there was no one to drive the trucks. The fierce looking men who lift the bins had not showed up either.
As for the hospitals, it was a remarkable scene. Only a few doctors pitched up. Same with the nurses. But the hospitals were very quiet. No one complained about the absent doctors and nurses.
This was because many patients had discharged themselves prematurely. Only those in intensive care, and expectant women due, had reluctantly remained behind.
The skeletal staff in attendance was doing just fine. In fact, it was so relaxed the nurses were playing cards and chatting to their boyfriends on the phone.
As for the police, many had gone on sick leave. Those manning the road blocks would take turns to disappear.
As for the army, well, with no war to fight they were on leave. They were in the queues as well. Practically the whole country had come to a standstill.
Like I say I just had never seen anything like it. The lines stretched for miles and snaked around entire blocks. You would think with so many people queuing up, fights would break out. Not at all. Everyone was well behaved.
Even public transport operators had stopped running. The odd combi or taxi plying the routes gave the few passengers not in the queues a free ride.
The reason for all the long queues was simple. A way of life many folks were accustomed to had come to an end. They had lost the alcohol war. It was all over.
The price of drink was going up at mid night. I am sure some day someone will write a book about how the country came to a standstill the day before the levy. The only people who were not bothered were non drinkers. But that is not to say they were not affected. They were, big time.
The kids could not be fed or fetched from school because their parents were queuing outside the bottle stores. The religious types suddenly found their houses filthy because the domestic help were nowhere to be found.
The football matches scheduled for Friday could not take place. The stadiums would have been empty. If the players were part of the queues, surely the spectators were there as well. I tell you, last Friday was a day I will never forget in my life. I never knew so many people drank.
As for me, you would not have seen me in those queues. I was at the office. Doing my work. I was so relaxed it was not funny. I was unfazed. Because all my friends like their drink, they had not come to work. They wanted me to accompany them to the bottle stores. I airily waved them away. I was not going to be a part of this panic buying. Some of the boys even called to ask if they should buy me my favourite drinks given that I seemed so busy at work. I thanked them for their kindness and declined. I could sense they were worried, thinking I had quit booze because of the thirty percent. They need not worry.
My position is clear. The thirty percent levy is not going to change my spending patterns acquired over many years. As a man who respects his drink, my drinking habits are not going to be changed by some levy. That is why I did not join the queues.
For me life goes on.
Granted the thirty percent is going to make a dent on my pocket. But, like I say, it won’t affect my drinking habits. I am still going to sip my whisky. When the mood takes me, I will switch to wine. When I am in a very happy state, I will treat myself to either cognac or brandy. When I just want to drink because I feel like it, I will crack open a couple of beers.
The same quantities I drank before thirty percent will be imbibed after thirty percent. So what to do about the dent on my pocket? Simple.
I shall no longer eat three meals a day. I will settle for only two meals. I will give up expensive beef and eat intestines and chicken feet instead. I won’t buy clothing every month. I will do that only when it is necessary. Even then it will be from the cheap shops. That is why I love the Chinese. They are set to make some money out of me.
As for my car, I will use it only occasionally. Otherwise I will get a lift from friends or use public transport. If they pick up the levy I will sell the car. I must admit this thirty percent thing calls for a serious adjustment to my lifestyle. But, hey, there are more important things in life. And for me drink is right up there.
As an adult I have made that choice. I guess other people will have to suffer. Tough luck on them. It is time for everyone to take care of themselves. That means I won’t be sending any more money to my hungry folks back in the village. I know some of them don’t like drink. Well, I will see if they will eat their dislike for drink. Soon they won’t like me either. I can’t deny myself a drink just because of them.
The wife will have to take care of school fees and uniforms. If she can’t cope I am sorry our two children will have to register with the government assistance scheme. Governments, after all, exist to help those whose parents cannot help them. With the liquor levy, my kids are now the problem of the government.
I am sticking to my spending patterns on drink. Come rain or shine, I am not reducing my alcohol intake. Not for anything. Not even for the second coming of the skinny white man with long blond hair and sad blue eyes who was nailed to the cross. When he arrives, he will find my drinking habits unchanged.
As for the people who were in the queues on Friday, their stock will soon run out. And they too will return to their spending patterns on liquor. You now see why I did not join the madding queues. In fact, I did not drink on Friday. Not a drop. Instead I had my first drink of the weekend the day after the thirty percent levy kicked in. And, as always, I had a blast. I intend to have more fun.
For me, levy or no levy, it’s business as usual!
