Thursday, May 23, 2024

China, communism and kung fu!

Recently, the Chinese government invited scores of African leaders to a summit in Beijing. It was a momentous occasion for the Chinese. Just like a proper super power, they summoned leaders of all the beggar countries to come and plead for assistance.

I must say it was a grand affair. Clearly, it had taken meticulous planning and no expense was spared in spoiling the beggars. I guess the turnout was very good because the Chinese don’t ask funny questions about human rights.

All you have to tell them is that your country is their friend. That is good enough for a big cheque to be written out. That is why many African leaders are in love with China.

There are no awkward questions.
The minimum requirement is proclamation of love for China. I guess the Chinese have a consistent track record when it comes to issues of human rights. They just do not care about them.

It has been like that ever since I was a kid. Back then, my friends and I were avid moviegoers. If we had the coins then off to the movies we would troop. I saw many movies. I saw westerns. I watched romantic flicks. I watched thrillers. I also saw a number of horror films.

To this day it is a source of wonderment why I loved movies and yet could not follow the dialogue, because like my friends I did not understand English. But language problems did not deter us from having a good time.

And of all the movies, the best we watched were kung fu flicks. They were our favourite. I suppose it was easier to follow the plot. Being unable to understand English was not really a factor. In fact, I am not even sure if the dialogue was in English. It could have been Chinese. But the movies were straightforward.

At the beginning of the movie somebody would kill someone else’s father. The moment that happened we knew what was going to happen. The son of the deceased would go after the killer. If it proved too difficult he would get his friends to help him. The killer, in a bid to save his life, would also enlist the support of his clan. The climax would come when the two groups engaged in a showdown.

Throughout the movie the audience were active participants. We would cheer the hero when he dished out spectacular kung fu kicks. When he was about to walk into an ambush we would yell at the top of our voices to warn him of impending danger.

And just at the right moment he would hear us and react quickly. We would heave a collective sigh of relief and whistle in admiration, happy that the hero listened to his followers. There was no need for silence in the movie house. Why should we be silent when absolutely no one in the audience could understand what was being said? I no longer go to the movies.

Although I now understand English, I still want to be an active participant. I want to cheer my heroes and jeer the villains. Since freedom of expression is not allowed in cinemas, I stay away. In any case they don’t show kung fu movies any more.

Anyway, the point I am making is that observance of human rights was never a factor in Chinese kung fu movies. I never saw a single one in which the killer was put on trial.

It was the law of the jungle throughout. So when I watched all those African leaders lovingly embracing the Chinese president I wondered how many of them had watched kung fu movies in their youth.

The other thing I noticed in kung fu movies was the skill of the Chinese kids when it came to the art. They could fight grown up men. Older boys told us that the moment a Chinese child started walking then it was best to keep a safe distance because he was good at kung fu.

The children were said not to need any training. It is just like crying, we were told. You are not taught how to cry. Well the Chinese kids are not taught kung fu. The skill is innate.

The girls were also rumoured to be equally deadly. I think this explains why black men have tended to keep away from Chinese women. To this day I have not seen a black man married to a Chinese lady.

Neither have I seen Chinese girls hitting it off with black chaps. I think for the reason that many of us grew up on a diet of kung fu movies there remains a lurking fear of the Chinese and their kung fu skills. I mean a Chinese girl could fancy you but what if her brother doesn’t like you? And here, I don’t mean the big brother.

Her brother could be a little boy. But no grown up men wants to get beaten to a pulp by a ten year old dishing out an array of kung fu punches and kicks. That, I think, is where the problem lies.

And it is high time the Chinese government did something about it. Although they do dish out cheques to our governments we are more interested in earthly things. White men have long given up on their women.

Because they have taken like fish to water when it comes to black women, white men no longer complain when their women sleep with black men. The Indians are still shy. But the moment they remove those veils then I am sure we will be in business.

But as for the Chinese there can be no better time. Their government desperately wants to be friends with the beggars.

Now is the time to come to the party. The Chinese claim to be communists. The last time I was taught at school communism meant sharing. I assume that is why they invited all the beggars to the Beijing Summit.

There are many Chinese citizens here. I trust they are still communists. In that case they must start sharing. Chinese women must start behaving like white women.

In fact, in order to strengthen ties between the two countries their government should tell them to start sleeping with local chaps. Whilst waiting for the Indian girls to remove their veils the communists should in the meantime start practising what they preach. C’mon Chinese ladies let’s have fun. But please don’t beat us up!


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