Monday, March 30, 2020

Divorcees, we are giving you a second chance!

After a hectic last few months, I have made up my mind. In fact, this should have been my New Year’s resolution. A lot of people make resolutions they are unable to fulfil. But that is because they resolve on trivial matters.

Although my New Year resolution comes exactly midway through the year, I am determined to make it work. There is no reason to fail. The facts are as clear as day. I have resolved that young girls are a no go area because of the antics they get up to after enjoying money they have not worked for. They run straight to the police to cry rape. I have advised everyone I know to look the other way when a young girl makes the first move. The rape cases we have had are enough. I have also given up on snaring a girl from a rich family. Blokes whom we looked up to for inspiration have let us down badly.

There is practically no chance of a poor chap having a white wedding paid for by the bride’s family. It is all over for the poor. Still I do not know where the rich girls will find future husbands. By the way, it is not as if girls from rich families are all pretty. I know of some so ugly you just wonder if the mother was given the wrong infant at the exclusive hospital where she went for delivery. Okay, every man wants to marry a trophy wife to show off in public. But what is the value of a pretty wife when a chap is poor? As for me, I am prepared to walk down the aisle anytime with an ugly woman provided the dad has a big bank balance and treats me with respect.

Having given his ugly daughter a chance to flaunt the family wealth at a posh wedding, respect is the least I deserve. With enough money, I am even prepared to love my ugly wife. In loving her, I would actually be loving the money. Money is more important than looks. With money, my ugly wife would look very pretty to me. But that chance is now gone because at a conference of rich families, they drew up a resolution to ensure their daughters come no where near chaps as poverty stricken as I am. I accept defeat. At least I tried. But man is like a dog. He needs a companion.

The little kids are out and so are the girls from the rich families. I know for a fact there are lots of blokes who find themselves in my situation. My friends, for example. The advice I have dispensed to them is to shift their mindset. They must go for women who have given up on themselves and feel rejected and unloved by men. These women deserve a second chance in life. They are called divorcees. They don’t cause any trouble. Divorcees must be brought back into fashion. These women have many virtues. For one, they won’t repeat the mistakes that led to them being served with divorce papers in the first place. If they were nasty to the ex husband by always nagging and demanding to know why he comes home late, they won’t do that when given a second chance. So a chap will be able to have fun and return home any time without any nagging. Secondly, no divorcee is ever going to cry rape.

No chance. I am sure if any divorcee were to walk into the police station with such an allegation, the police would tell her to get lost. Another reason to go after divorcees is because they are well versed in matters intimate. They can even teach a man a trick or two. Now that is an incentive.

Women who are divorced also tend to be much organised. They can tell that the marriage is headed for doom long before the husband makes up his mind. The moment they see the end drawing near, they prepare themselves for the future. They check the pre nuptial agreements. They sneak off to lawyers to make sure they will get the house and the car. If the family runs a business the woman will make sure she salts away most of the money to prepare a nice nest egg for herself. I know very few divorcees who are not comfortable. Most times, in a rush to get out of the marriage, the man walks away with his jacket and pride and boasts he will start life afresh with his new and younger woman. And most times the man walks straight into poverty and a life of bitterness after the younger girl runs off with a rich rival. On account of these observations, I urge blokes to give divorcees a second chance. Divorced women tend to be much happier than their former husbands. They are happy because they get out of the marriage with most of the money and property. In my tireless effort to escape the clutches of poverty, I think I have now found the solution. Divorcees are so caring they don’t even require a man to be employed. My dream in life is to be rich and not have to go to work. I want to be able to relax fully knowing that my needs are taken care of. A rich divorcee is what I am looking for. Like the rich man’s daughter I covet, my divorcee need not be beautiful. With enough money, I will find her very pretty. I won’t even remind her that she is a divorcee when we argue. With enough money, I will even love her.

So chaps there we go. There are enough divorcees around for everyone. In turn, divorced women out there must think positive, improve their image and look good again. I am putting up a strong case for them. Ladies, we are giving you a second chance in life. Don’t blow it!