Reports say when swine flu finally dissipates, the less fortunate would be counted among its casualties.
The thing about any disease is that, for it to run its full course, it must vent out its venom on society. The victims are a necessary sacrifice in order for the disease to die out and enable the more robust to live and the human species to survive. That is a fact of medical science.
Unpleasant as it may sound, we have to live with it. The same will happen with swine flu. No one wants to believe they will catch it. We all think it will afflict other people and we will survive it. Much as we have been receiving free tips on how to avoid swine flu, I have a sense the authorities are omitting something important.
The authorities must go all the way. They must not only tell us how to survive swine flu. They must also tell those who don’t survive how to prepare for the worst.
For instance, they should advise every man to draw up a will. I know most black people are loathe to prepare a will. We think the moment we do, we are inviting death upon themselves. So we prefer not to draw up a will thinking we will keep the day of reckoning at bay.
But things don’t quite work that way.
Despite not preparing a will, blacks keep on dying. I am utterly convinced that, in light of swine flu, everyone should have a will. The survivors can amend it when the disease has passed.
As for the victims, their affairs will be in order as soon as they kick the bucket. A will makes life so much easier for those that remain behind. That brings me to a matter that should not be neglected when it comes to preparing a will.
Why should a man instruct how his entire estate should be distributed, and yet say nothing about the most valuable of his assets?
Every man has a partner. It could be wife or girlfriend. But no man does not have a partner. My view is that the time has come for men to decide what happens to their partners upon their demise. With swine flu this matter has taken on a sudden urgency.
I have been to funerals where the male mourners who are purportedly grieving are busy ogling the widow. If you are a careful observer of humanity, you can actually tell some blokes can’t wait for the widow to complete her mourning period so that they pounce.
Apparently, some of them present their credentials even before the poor woman has had time to dry her tears. I think this is really insensitive.
Granted life has to go on. I mean, the woman cannot grieve forever. At some point she needs to move on by acquiring a companion. But still, all the attention she gets from the various male suitors just adds to her trauma. That is why I think a will is in order so that every potential suitor waits to hear its contents.
The will should disclose in clear terms the lucky bloke to whom the deceased leaves his woman. A man should state clearly that in the instance of his death he wants a particular individual to inherit his partner. This will put a stop to all those insensitive vultures we see at funerals ogling grieving women.
Even more critically, the deceased will rest in peace knowing that his woman has been inherited by a person of his choosing. Imagine dying without a will stating who should inherit your woman only for a man you did not like to take up with her? There is no way you can rest in peace.
I will go further to suggest that every man must look within his circle of friends for a replacement. This will promote social cohesion.
Let me give you an example. If one of my friends were to call it a day and bequeath his wife to me, so many things would fall neatly into place. For one, his kids would not find it difficult to accept me because they already know me.
In contrast, they would find it difficult to accept a complete stranger who takes daddy’s place. With me, the only difference would be, whereas previously I only went as far as the lounge to share drinks with their dad, this time I would proceed to the bedroom.
On my way there, I would help them with their homework and not mix up their names. If my friend was in the money, he would rest in peace knowing that being fully aware how hard he had worked for it, I would not squander it. I would drive his cars carefully, knowing the headache he went through with the bank to finance their purchase. His wife would recover from her loss fairly quickly because a familiar figure would be by her side, treating her like a queen just like her husband, my friend, used to treat her.
I can bet you the family of the deceased would be happy that someone they know has taken over from their son. I doubt if families of deceased blokes are ever happy when the wife takes up with a stranger who most often would be ill mannered and want to sleep with the widow everyday.
I certainly wouldn’t want some scoundrel to take over my wife upon my death and sleep with her everyday, on my bed, after eating my food. If my friend inherited my wife he would know our bed room protocol and therefore would do exactly as I did.
So that’s it chaps. Let’s go for it. Everyone of us should prepare a will just in case swine flu comes in our direction.
I think this is an absolutely brilliant idea.
We should not leave anything to chance. We should state whom within our group of friends should take over our wives and girlfriends.
That made clear, the widow would be happy. Her kids would be happy. The family of the deceased would be happy. The new man in the house would be happy, knowing he is taking care of his friend’s estate.
And, of course, the deceased will happily rest in peace knowing his friend is in charge!