Sunday, April 5, 2020

For the sake of peace, compensate angry football fans!

I have been following with a great deal of interest the football war. It seems everyone has an opinion about what is going on. The main gripe of the aggrieved is that they have been robbed. Many tell heart-wrenching stories of how, looking forward to watching their favourite football team, they were met by a blank screen. The stories are legion. Every forum, ranging from the newspaper pages to the airwaves, has been inundated with unhappy football supporters. There is even an online petition being mounted by the most aggrieved. I think they are planning on either suing or burning down the offices of the local company that is causing them so much pain. They just cannot live without their football. The television company people have explained that they lost the rights to show the games.

The football supporters don’t want to accept the explanation. They are so angry that I think the police need to do their job and give twenty-four hour protection to the nice little girls who act as spokespersons for the television company. The poor beautiful girls should simply tell the football lovers that the decisions are made in England and, really, it is not their fault. If I was one of the television company spokespersons, I would even suggest that the locals watch their own teams. I am sure there are football teams in this country. Well, they too deserve some attention. I don’t know how the whole thing will end. This will be the second weekend during which the supporters will be deprived of their football fix.

I am sure they will soon get used to it. It is called withdrawal symptoms. It happens not only in football. People who are forced to quit smoking also go through a phase of anguish when they really want to quit but again crave for one final smoke. Some make it. Others just relapse. The same goes for alcohol. Those who stop drinking have to struggle with nightmares as they fight between the pull of drinking again, and staying dry forever. It also applies to drinkers who have been advised to stop by their doctors. Some, out of fear of the inevitable, do quit. Others, using the same logic that they will die at some point in any case, dismiss the doctor’s advice with nonchalance and proceed to happily, and copiously, drink the remainder of their lives away. With the football people, some have already given up. They know they won’t change the decisions made in England.

They have now taken to watching soapies and the Oprah Winfrey show. This has made their partners very happy. But others just won’t give up. I am certain that next week the newspaper pages and the airwaves will be full of more anger as the football fans remonstrate about how they missed watching their team. More campaigns will be mounted. It will all come to nought because the decisions have been made in England. In fact, it would not be altogether far fetched for some of them to suggest sending a delegation to England to talk to the decision makers. I can’t blame the sorry lot. With smokers and alcoholics, they have therapy sessions to help them stay away from the habit.

You don’t just quit smoking and be expected to be a new person without some form of assistance. For some months after stopping, therapists make sure that nicotine free cigarettes are within reach to aid the withdrawal process. They are not the real thing but they are better than no cigarettes at all. With alcoholics they have group sessions and can even enjoy alcohol free beer and wine. All this is meant to ensure they don’t return to the genuine stuff. Considering the state they are in, I think the football fans need some therapy. They need help to recover from the shock of not watching their favourite teams. The problem with football fans, just like with football players everywhere, is their lack of imagination. I sometimes wonder what they think the purpose of a brain is. Now, other than protesting and hurling insults at the television company, they have not been using their brains.

Granted, some have gone to demand their money back. I doubt if they will get it because they paid for the whole package and not the football only. Mind you, this is not pay per view. But then again that is not very imaginative. Then there are fans waiting for the new channel that promises to show the football games. But in the meantime, before it starts operating, something needs to be done. Just what is it that can be done to placate the angry football supporters who are not interested in watching Big Brother? The problem is that the company running the channel that stopped showing the football also has unimaginative people. Instead of going to ground and blaming everything on the decision makers in England they ought to show some bright spark and come up with an idea that will compensate the unhappy football fans for their loss. For free I have a pearl of wisdom to impart to the television company. The moment they do as I suggest the abusive phone calls and those letters to the newspapers will stop. Peace and happiness will reign all round. Wherever they go, representatives of the television company will be greeted as saviours.

No one will want a refund. In fact people will make sure they pay their subscriptions in advance. What more, the moment they implement my idea, the new rival company will be ruined before it even opens its doors for business. My idea is to have a new offering where they used to show the football. They should introduce a pornographic channel showing blue movies around the clock. For men, between football and blue movies there is no competition. They will settle for blue movies any time. The same applies to the females. With a porno channel available they will quit soapies and Oprah Winfrey. For the sake of peace, let’s have the blue movie channel now!