It’s a long weekend in Botswana and many of us have been looking forward to the extended break for a while.
We’ve probably planned a packed itinerary ÔÇô travelling to spend time with people we don’t normally see; and all the entertainment and fun that goes with that.
For some of us, it’s a chance to catch up with neglected duties around the house ÔÇô cleaning or fixing up anything that’s broken.
But the truth is, many of us will end this long weekend more tired than when we began it. We’ll need a holiday just to recover from the holiday. To suggest it could be any different may sound like heresy, but consider the following.
In today’s fast-paced world, many of us have, by default, become human doings instead of human beings. We’re constantly on the go, in pursuit of one thing or another. The fact that most people around us are doing the same thing makes us even more determined not to get left behind. Life is a constant race against time ÔÇô we’re overcome with a sense of urgency to multi-task and finish multiple projects; or to give attention to the people in our lives.
For those of us who lack clarity about the direction of our lives, the decision is usually made for us by friends who rope us into doing things we don’t even feel like doing; or family members who feel they have a legitimate claim to all our time.
We go through life like zombies, attempting to satisfy other people’s competing interests and in the process, we lose ourselves.
Many of us assume that doing something ÔÇô anything ÔÇô outside our normal working routine is bound to make us feel more relaxed, but that’s far from the case. Spending all our time catering to other people’s needs doesn’t help us or them in the long-term. When we allow our schedule to be dictated by other people, life becomes overwhelming. We become annoyed by minor issues; and are constantly exhausted but can’t explain why.
Despite all the activity that tends to surround holidays, I encourage you to spend at least some of that time in solitude, doing nothing. Cultivating solitude allows us to replenish our souls. It restores the body and the mind. It’s an opportunity to positively and constructively engage with ourselves.
Yet many of us are afraid to be alone with our thoughts. We constantly surround ourselves with other people and don’t take time out for reflection or self-awareness. While connecting with other people is an important part of life, so is connecting with ourselves.
Being alone allows us to disengage from the immediate demands of other people. It gives us time to explore and know ourselves; and to regain perspective of those things that are important.
If you do make the decision to spend some time alone, don’t just zone out in front of the T.V. Note how you feel; and allow yourself to contemplate what would make you happier.
When you do that, your ability to steer the ship of your life increases; and you become less susceptible to the influence of friends and events. You also enjoy the freedom that comes with not having to be socially pleasant, but to simply experience your feelings for what they are and enjoy them.
When we take the time to be still and do nothing; we also tap into higher realms that’re foreign to us during our normal existence. The people we revere the most knew this.
Lord Jesus left his trusted disciples for forty days and forty nights for solitude in the desert.
His life, and our lives, has never been the same since. Prophet Muhammad also used to take time out for spiritual reflection by spending time alone in a cave on Mount Hira. During that time, a voice urged him to read or recite some words, which are found in the Qur’an today.
The Buddah too spent years meditating in a forest in a bid to attain enlightenment and ultimately found ‘the Middle Way.’
I’m not asking you to spend forty days and forty nights in a desert; or years in a cave; but how about just fifteen minutes alone every day?
Use occasions such as this, when there’re fewer professional demands on your time, to create a vital space where you can practice emptying your mind of all thought. When you do this, you connect to the spirit-that-moves-through-all-things; you connect to God. You also connect to all the things you want, that have eluded you so far.
Isaiah 40:31 reminds us that, “…those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” Cultivate solitude to gain new strength; to tap into the powerful energy you need to manifest your goals; and to discover your own powerful, Godly nature.
You can also try experiencing solitude while surrounded by nature ÔÇô go on hike or enjoy any beautiful surroundings outside. Some people find their magical zone in the gym; or by writing their thoughts and feelings down in a journal. However you decide to spend your time alone, schedule it; and treat your appointment with yourself as you would any other important meeting ÔÇô don’t break it.
I hope you’re having fun connecting and sharing with other people, but remember: regularly spending time alone means we actually have a self worthy of sharing.
Go back to your cave and connect with your inner most thoughts and feelings. There, you will find peace, contentment and true fulfilment, which will ultimately be reflected in your life and the lives of those around you. Then, and only then, will you come to know the true meaning of happiness.
*Primrose Oteng is a Master of Applied Positive Psychology; and the Founder of the Positive Peace Project, an organization dedicated to creating positive change through personal empowerment. To find out more please contact [email protected].
