I just love the government. I am so in love with the government I just cannot believe it.
Like with every new love affair, I am misty eyed when I think of the apple of my eye.
I ask myself if it really is possible for someone to love the government the way I do.
It has been a bad week for me. I am trying to recover from a bout of swine flu and it has not been easy.
This swine flu is terrible. I am glad I have a sharp doctor who detected the early symptoms and put me on bed rest and some strong medication. I felt like a pig. After all when you get the disease of pigs you feel like one.
I have avoided checking myself in the mirror just in case my features have changed to resemble a pig. I wonder what people who already resemble pigs will look like when they get swine flu.
Anyway, I am on the road to recovery.
Like I say, my recuperation has been helped by the best decision the government has taken in years. The problem with the government is that they don’t listen to me.
Granted, I am not sure what the government looks like. Is it one person? Is it a group of people huddled somewhere making big decisions? Is it the old geezers on the local bank notes who apparently sailed to England about a century ago resplendent in their new football boots?
I am not really sure.
But whoever is the government has made my week. Finally, they listened to me. You see, I have always had a problem with people being paid to do what they would still do without any payment.
Take football players.
I used to be a mean footballer in my youth. I played for free. Now, imagine if somebody were to pay me for doing something I liked. I can tell you that all the great footballers you see on television would still be playing even if they were not paid.
In the first instance, they play because they love the game. They actually cannot believe they receive money for kicking pigskin around.
Not only that, take radio deejays. They are paid to play music and talk. Now, let’s face it. Many of us would just love to be on radio talking and playing our favourite songs.
I mean, I would be happy to talk and play music on radio for absolutely no payment. I think the chaps who run radio stations are idiots. They shouldn’t pay anyone. They should tell all the deejays to play for free. Those who refuse can leave because there are many of us out here who can take their places without demanding any payment.
The point I am making is that the government finally saw the light of day. Okay, they didn’t go all the way. But I am certain this is just the beginning and one day we will get the announcement I have long advocated for.
You see, I have never understood why varsity students should be paid a stipend. I was not paid a stipend when I went to primary school. I never saw a penny when I went to secondary school.
The argument is that I was staying with my parents. But who ever said my parents could afford my upkeep? By reducing the stipend paid to varsity students the government is on the right track.
Nobody was ever forced to go to school. Those who don’t want to attend school have the liberty to chill and while away time smoking cigarettes. In other words, getting an education is not a right. It is a matter of choice. So why anyone should be paid to receive education?
I was sick and tired of varsity students behaving like working people.
With my taxes the boys could afford to drink me under the table. As for the girls, they could afford the latest fashion accessories in town. And that is the point I want to make. The girls at varsity must learn that they remain girls. Until they start working and earning their own money, they must fend for themselves. In terms of the government decision, students either stay on campus, where they are fed or they stay off campus on a reduced allowance.
My wish is for all the boys to stay on campus and for their female counterparts to opt out.
Their arrogance will finally come to an end. In order to maintain their lifestyle, they obviously will have to find new sources of funding.
As you know, I have no problems with prostitution. I have never understood why the most valuable item that a woman possesses should be obtained for free. I suppose the female folks are to blame. They bought into the whole hogwash that it is wrong to sell their bodies. They have been brainwashed by men to think it is wrong to make money out of what every man wants.
My message to varsity girls is that the time has come for emancipation. If they want to maintain their hairstyles, wear the latest perfume and designer outfits; they must get in on the act. They can no longer depend on the government for the upkeep of their lifestyle. This decision is long overdue.
I have no doubt that many of the girls will exercise the right to do whatever they like with their bodies.
Many of us married blokes are celebrating. We are now determined to do away with the mistresses who want us to pay for their cars and their kids’ school fees when we have our own to take care of.
We married boys are now shifting to the young ones at the varsity who won’t demand too much. We are very happy.
Though we welcome the decision, we are equally impatient for government to make another announcement. We have realised that some pretty varsity girls are adamant they will make do with the reduced allowance rather than seek assistance from us.
Well, we want to appeal to the government to scrap the stipend altogether.
The snotty girls will either have to return to the village or live life with us married blokes.
Oh, how I love the government!
