Tuesday, September 22, 2020

I want my diamond!

Hello folks, I hope everyone is back, safe and sound.
I know this is wishful thinking because in the law of probabilities, it just is not possible.
Sadly some of our fellow citizens have passed on. Others are lounging in jail for a variety of offences committed in the euphoria of the festive season.

The stupid, driven by a festive libido, are surveying the wrecks of their marriages after being caught. But, in the main it, must have been a lovely festive season, notwithstanding the problems cited.
I am sure the trend continued from last year when everyone was dressed decently and wearing shoes. That is unlike in the past when many, especially in the villages, ate Christmas barefoot and wearing rags for clothing. For this, we remain eternally grateful to the traders from China who have shown that clothing should not be a luxury.
Another trend continued.

That of the sons and daughters returning home, not on a bus but behind the steering wheel of their own vehicle. In many a homestead, dramatic scenes were witnessed.
From a poverty stricken home where just a few years ago no one owned a motor car, this year all makes of used Japanese models were jostling for space as the sons and daughters tried to outshine one another with their vehicles.

Elderly mothers, having lived a lifetime of poverty, were spoilt for choice wondering which of the vehicles to board for visits to relatives and church. Just like the Chinese, the Japanese have shown that owning a car should not be a preserve of the rich.

As for me I went to Europe for my holidays. I just had to get away. I think I was getting traumatised by years of hearing the gut wrenching bleating of goats being slaughtered for the festive pot. I have often wondered why animals are so stupid. Surely they ought to know by now that there is particular time when wholesale murder is visited on them. I mean, in the run up to the festive season why can’ they just flee and disappear?

Okay, assuming they cannot flee, why not put up a fight before being put to the knife. If I were a goat, I would put up such a ferocious fight they would have to choose my docile relative. And, if finally they got the better of me, I would bleat in the pot as they are busy stewing me. I would bleat in their bellies as they are busy eating me. Not even washing me down with cold beer would make me stop. Anyway, thank God, I am not a goat. Being the cheeky type, I would long have been slaughtered for the festive season.

That said, in Europe things were bad. The global financial crises is cutting a swathe through that place. I saw lots of people who have suddenly lost their jobs. It was on the television every single day. This thing called recession is so bad that some tycoons even called it a day and took their own lives. There was so much doom and gloom when I was there.

But Europe being Europe, no one starves to death. They are organised. They have systems in place to ensure no one dies from hunger or exposure to the deadly winters. The only problem I noticed was the kids, many of whom are badly behaved and do not respect adults. I mean there was this time when we got on the bus and there were no vacant seats. A couple of kids, barely twelve, were lounging around, smoking and kissing.

Not greeting us is the least of their crimes, they could not even give up their seats for adults. I was pretty upset. By the way, my partner is European and she quickly whispered to me to ignore the kids because they were merely exercising a right to occupy their seats.

Anyway, as we were busy taking in the beautiful sights, I wondered how folks back home were coping with the recession. Heck, was there even a recession back home? I mean compared to Europe this continent lags behind by so many decades the entire world could as well be going through a recession and we could not be bothered, busy fighting for tribal supremacy and bewitching one another.

I returned a few days ago, and lo and behold, found out we have caught up with the rest of the world because there is indeed a recession here. Some relatives have been retrenched. I know because the day I arrived, they came to my place and asked if they could stay whilst job hunting. I know that some people who sent their kids to posh schools are now contemplating sending them to free government schools because they are out of work. It would seem our recession is caused by the fact that the people who buy our diamonds are broke.

That means Europeans and Americans. Suffering a recession they obviously cannot afford luxury things like diamond jewellery. In lay man’s terms it means our diamond production has no buyers. The diamonds can only be stockpiled while waiting for the consumer economies to recover. The main problem is no one knows when the recovery will occur, if it ever will. I have always taken the view that man must take destiny into his own hands. This country is blessed with lots of diamonds. Ever since we were little tykes in short pants at primary school, it has been rammed into our brains that the government is in control of the diamonds on our behalf. I have never had reason to refute the wisdom of our government.

I mean, who forgets the things they learn at primary school? But now with the recession, I am having ideas.

Clearly, the government has no clue when the recession will end. How can they have a clue when I was in Europe a few days ago and the Europeans themselves don’t know?
I mean, if I have a European partner who does not know the date for the end of the recession, how can the government here, know? For this reason I want my diamond. For all these years the government has claimed to hold the diamonds in trust for the citizens of this country. This was on the basis of a social contract they would be sold so we can enjoy a better life.
However, with no sales and with the recession growing no diamonds are being sold. The whole rationale for government holding onto our diamonds is no longer valid. The diamonds are ours. They belong to each and every citizen of this country. In other words, every citizen has his or her own portion of diamonds. Hence I want mine.

I want the government to give me my diamond so that I can find a buyer for what is rightfully mine. I am not a selfish man. I mean, I have a right to demand all my diamonds in one fell swoop. But for now, I want only one stone. Surely, that is not too much to ask for? In fact, humbly asking to be given my diamond helps the government focus on more serious issues such as fighting alcohol consumption.

With my diamond, I am on my own and the government does not have to worry about taking care of me. Look, everyone has a right to demand their diamond to decide what to do with it. This country is a democracy where people have freedom of choice. I, therefore, choose to be given my diamond so that I can sell it for myself. Give unto me what belongs to me.

Please give me my diamond!


Read this week's paper

The Telegraph September 23

Digital edition of The Telegraph, September 23, 2020.