Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Insecurity does not only affect those in relationships

Many people have a misconception that insecurity affects only those who are in unhealthy relationships. They often overlook the fact that insecurity can affect everyone, depending on the circumstances.

Maybe we first need to understand what exactly causes insecurity. In my younger years, I thought insecurity only affects young children and teenagers. I thought that people out grow their insecurities. I have since found that it is not true, because I still meet adults who are very insecure.

The fact is everybody, no matter their age, has some sort of insecurity about themselves. Insecurity is an emotion one might feel at a certain time. It is also described as little caution flags that come up as we encounter risky situations in life, which will often result in the inability to act.

Though harmless, insecurity can steal the joy we should have in most areas of life. Insecurity always becomes a problem if it is persistent in our lives, or when it prevents one from enjoying the challenges and risks of life. All it will ever do in one’s life is increase stress and lack of control of one’s environment and circumstances. In short, insecurity can hinder progress.

From my own experiences, I have learnt that insecurity has a lot to do with how one perceives oneself. If you are not happy with your appearance, the way you are or the life you live, it causes insecurities. If you do not appreciate yourself, you won’t appreciate someone else, let alone trust them and their judgements. You will always feel you need to present some perfection before people.

Further, insecurity is based on a person’ self esteem. If a person thinks positively then they will come out as positive. One might have experienced a major catastrophe in life like, for example, lack of acceptance into social groups, divorce or bankruptcy. All these can lead them to questioning their personal competencies.

On the other hand there is relationship insecurity, which is the most common among many people. In this case insecurity emanates from lack of support from your partner. Insecurity comes from not valuing yourself and then expecting someone else to value you. The fact is no one can value you if you don’t value yourself. Be honest with yourself about what you like, what works and what doesn’t work for you, and then make choices that support your likes, needs and wants.

Too many relationships are ruined because of insecurities, and lack of trust. There are people who actually love with their whole heart and their entire being. Those are the ones who will love, trust, and may even forgive their partners’ indiscretions. They love the whole idea of love and being in love. They therefore try their best to make things work. Then, there are the ones who say they love you, and may actually love to a point, but just have trust issues.

Sometimes, being unable to trust someone can come from issues from previous relationships. But it can also come purely from one’s own guilt. There are times when one feels the overwhelming fear of losing their partner, and that’s when the relationship takes a hard hit and starts to head downhill. The most innocent people are constantly being accused of doing things they’re not doing, because the partner is insecure.

But what really puzzles me is when a person, male or female, prefers not to go out much and then expects their partners to do the same. They only go to places like, the store, work and back home.

Also, there are some who stay home with the children all day. In this case, what is there to be insecure about? Where is the time in between for one’s partner to cheat?

Sometimes, there are people who cheat on their partners like it’s no big deal, and make them feel like they are wrong for feeling insecure.

Such people will have no qualms about lying to their partners face and making them feel like they are to blame for their infidelity.

If people actually took the time to pay close attention to what’s going on, or not going on, in their relationships there would probably be less need to be insecure. Also, guilt sometimes plays a major part in the overall success, or lack thereof, of a relationship. People should learn to love, honour, and respect each other in order to maintain a happy and healthy relationship without insecurities.

My thought for the day; almost everyone is insecure about some aspect of themselves. So if almost everyone has something they worry about, or don’t feel confident about, then how can they make you feel better about yourself? They can’t. They are busy trying to get ahead or just get by in this world.


Read this week's paper

The Telegraph September 23

Digital edition of The Telegraph, September 23, 2020.