The first time I heard about the “get together for the bride to be” branded as a kitchen party, I thought the get together was whereby each woman invited to the party is expected to bring a gift to aid the bride. I thought they would be giving gifts, ranging from cookbooks and advice on cooking to appliances, such as meat grinders or pots and pans; gifts that concern cooking and housework, from which the party derives its name. When I attended one of the so-called kitchen parties I realized that the name ‘kitchen party’ was a misnomer, a cover up where women have been carried away, distorting a good concept.
I know many of you wonder what exactly is taught at these parties, whether it is advice on how best to cook and maintain the kitchen or if it is love, sex or all of them.
I was 21 when I attended my first kitchen party. I had geared myself to hear our knowledgeable ladies teaching the bride-to-be issues that relate to how she should relate with her husband and take good care of the children. To my surprise, I remember feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable throughout the ceremony, as the main woman speaker during the function had her discussion centered on sex and vulgar information that is not worth putting on paper.
Her discussion was centered on sex and she kept on demonstrating how a woman should look sexy before a man.
“You should look sexy before your man, when you are performing home chores like sweeping the floor. You should sway your hips a little bit to entice him, look at him with romantic eyes, as a sign that you are ready for him sexually,” she said.
She constantly reminded the attendees that this was the time to be frank to each other about marriage, womanhood, sex and everything that the bride may have questions about.
I observed that this was the time the bride to be would be given a wealth of information from her peers who already had experience in the matter, and she is expected to incorporate it all to herself.
She also talked about how important it is to pray for your husbands’ cell phone, so that messages that come in from other woman interested in him would automatically be deleted. She urged the bride to keep his man happy by sending him as many text messages as possible during the day, and even if he does not reply, a woman should not despair because, she said, love is patient.
If we have to have kitchen parties, then let it not be a platform for sex education but as a day a woman marks her transition from the single life to married life.
What she does with her husband in the bedroom cannot be taught by a group of women surrounding bottles of wine and most of whom don’t even get along outside the kitchen parties they attend together.
If you care to attend the ‘kitchen party’, you will see that the whole idea has been distorted and taken out of context.
Kitchen parties are strictly off limits for men. While they are not held in secret, the women in charge make sure that no men strays around for the party and that none come in during it.
Wonder what makes people to hold a kitchen party to give their friend tips on how to handle her man in the bedroom.
It doesn’t mean that the bride will be ‘instructed’ as to how to please her man; rather they will give her information as to what is likely to work. The ‘young woman’ would then use the information she gets to suit her situation as best as possible, not taking necessarily heed of what the husband wants.
Iman Moduthipi, who has been married for three months, expressed discontent towards these ‘bedroom parties’ that are done in the name of ‘kitchen parties’.
“I have problems with my wife; for the three months I’ve been with her I am not pleased. If I tell her I want things done in a certain way, she does the complete opposite, clinging to what the elderly women at the kitchen party taught her.”
He emphasized that some sensitive issues, especially bedroom issues that should be left to the two of them, are subject of intense debate as if he was going to be sleeping with all of them.
I believe it’s high time a kitchen party be a true kitchen party, whereby female relations and friends, will contribute in giving the bride gifts to start her own home.
Bedroom issues should be handled by a select few, who are close to the bride because there is need to take into consideration the views of the bride herself.
Kitchen parties should be for gifts and encouragement and women friends getting together to bid ‘a farewell’ to their friend’s life as a single.
Yes, they can eat, drink and be merry but it is definitely not the time and place to spread bedrooms antics to the bride; this might, surprisingly cause friction between the newlyweds when the husband demands to know where, how and when her bride learned of all those acrobatic techniques.
I would conclude by going as far as professing that the women teachers who push so much for these kitchen parties have absolutely nothing good to impart to the bride except ruining her.