Tuesday, January 19, 2021

Keep the ‘green eyed’ monster out of your relationship

While some relationships thrive on love and respect, many remain plagued by that green eyed monster, jealousy, which has been credited by many as the killer of many a relationship.

Of all emotions that human beings show, jealousy has been described as the most common and unsettling one. Whether you are the jealous party or involved with a jealous person, it just never goes down well with either party.

According to Wikipedia, “Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.”
The website also goes on to describe as a “state of fear or suspicion about losing something or someone important.

As old as the emotion is, having been recorded in biblical terms, (and probably experienced before that) the emotion brings out the worst in anyone; no matter who the person is. The all too familiar feeling has been recognised in infants as young as five months old, middle aged and the old, amongst siblings and people who are not connected through blood.

And according to howstuffworks.com, jealousy is not only limited to humans as wild animals as chimpanzees and elephants have also exhibited the emotion.

A popular misconception about jealousy is that it is the same as envy. In fact, the feeling of envy refers to wanting something that someone else has, such as a fast car or a house in Phakalane. Jealousy, however, is more aptly described as the fear of losing something (a lover, promotion, friend, etc.) to someone else.

Jealousy is said to have ruined a lot of marriages and relationships, yet many people still find themselves being jealous in relationships.

Cultural psychologists have overtime argued that human beings are inherently jealous simply because our jobs, relationships and material goods mean a lot to us, and we don’t want to lose them, according to an online source.
Jealousy can cause insecurity, detachment, and, often, just plain immaturity. As much as we try to fight against it, sometimes you just can’t help but feel it.

What’s worse is that jealousy can often make you act out against your partner even if your partner is innocent and has no idea why you are angry or, worse yet, it can foster your own low self-esteem.

Sometimes it is flattering when a relationship partner gets a little jealous, but a boost to the ego is a far cry from the fights and resentment that can come from real, hidden jealousy. This sort of jealousy is never a good thing for a relationship and communicating your own jealousy to your partner without sounding irrational can be tricky.

According to another online source, jealousy can spark from insecurities. “The closer you become with your partner, the more you have to lose by breaking up. If you are not aware of your own qualities or not confident in your own attractiveness as a relationship partner, insecurities can develop.”

Insecurity or low self-image makes you think low of yourself, you often begin to wonder what your significant other sees in you. You will start to question why your partner would want to stay with you and fear that he or she will inevitably meet someone “better”.

For an insecure person, scenarios that would otherwise mean nothing harass them. The usual stuff appears as suspicious that you question every move your partner makes and even grow suspect of whom they contact, their whereabouts and find yourself demanding too much of their time and attention.

Says the source, “It is true that there is a small percentage of jealousy that comes from a valid feeling, but, most of the time, jealousy comes from personal insecurities that have grown because of lack of communication.”

While most sources put it simply, communicating one’s fears and insecurities fall may fall short of solving the “green” problem. This is in cases where there is a bigger problem that necessitates legitimate worry- that is when words won’t help much. An insecure partner needs to be reassured of the other’s feelings and standing on the relationship; the other party (who is not jealous) needs to be on standby, ready to reaffirm their love to the other for the relationship to flourish.

Also, the jealous partner should know that their responsibility is to control their jealousy and avoid burdening their partner with the outcome of their jealousy (fights), because as noticed, their reactions mostly kill a relationship than save it as intended.


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