Friday, September 25, 2020

Kiss this letter before you read

“Dear Onalenna,
Time and ability has forced me to write this melodious letter to you, my chocolate brown bread.
I love you, will you be my girlfriend?
Tear this letter after reading
Yours forever,
Ruben”

Life was so much easier back in those days when boys used to court girls by writing long letters. Never mind the grammar, listen to the words, meaningless as they might have been.

The letters were written on a page torn from a class notebook, thus the “tear this letter after reading”, although you had been directed to “kiss it” before opening it.

The letters professed never ending love and hope for a relationship. One would hardly write the letter without using words from the dictionary.

I think boys wrote confusing things in an attempt to impress the girl and the girl would be confused into giving into their demands.

The girls would shyly reply by writing, yes, on the ground with their big toes when they came across the boy.
A select few would, however, report the incident to the teacher or their big bellied father who would gladly march their way to school to give the boy the beating of his life.

The moment the girl said ‘yes’, it would mean the beginning of a relationship that would last for years, one that might even lead to marriage in the long run.

Back then, girls were passive and it was unheard of that a girl asked a boy out, or was caught flirting out rightly with a boy. Totally unheard of. Relationships between boys and girls were clearly defined; everyone knew what they were doing.

The prettiest girls received quite a number of love letters which they would reject without needing to reply.
For some, who wanted to keep souvenirs, the letters were not torn but were kept safely out of reach of their parents. The girls especially hid their letters just in case their mother would find them. One of the popular places to hide letters was between a book and its cover.

“The boys used a number of tricks to get the letters to the girls; one was to lend my English notebook, then she would slip the letter in between the pages,” said my schoolmate, Thabang. “I think as boys we were brave because we risked being lashed by both the boy and girl’s parents. Lucky for me I only got lashed once by our teacher for writing a letter to one girl called Keneilwe. Wonder where she is now and how she is doing.”

Nowadays, it is the fast lane.
People meet, they click; they start talking to each other on social networks like Facebook; they get along. Soon they start becoming intimate; all seems to be going well for them, except for one minor detail: they don’t know what they are doing and they are scared to talk about it because they think they might scare the other person away.
When their friends and families ask, they don’t know what to tell them because they themselves are confused.
One side might assume they are in a relationship while the other might just take it as casual sex.

An old wise woman once said that with men, the trick is that they are simple minded creatures who can be quite selfish at times. She said that we are responsible for the circumstances we find ourselves in.

“Think about it this way: it’s like living with a man in his house for more than two years. You have a child with him; you cook for him; you wash his clothes and pay part of the bills and then you wonder why he won’t marry you? It’s because he already has everything that he wants,” the lady said.
People have one-night stands where both parties have a mutual unsaid agreement; some have multiple partners.
Relationships are not what they used to be.

You don’t even know if people are who they say they are, or what their real intentions are with you. Boy or girl, they will use you and leave high and dry, with your emotions in knots.
Today, men don’t have to work extra hard like they did back in the old days when relationships were important and valuable.

“Nowadays, it’s just easier to go to a club and pick up a desperate girl/boy to get intimate with,” said Roger, an acquaintance. “The social networks, like Facebook, also speed up the process of hooking up with strangers.”
People have simply lost sight of what’s important. They are eager to explore new things and other people. Loyalty is also a thing of the past.

So if you are like Lorraine who has been involved with Modiredi for the past two months but is not clear on what they are doing, then it’s about time you sat down and had “the talk”.
The talk is important; it clears up a lot of future confusions, a lot of misunderstandings, saves us from heartbreak and shows us a clear cut way of handling the relationship.

I once had a friend who was stuck in such a situation for nearly 8 months because she kept thinking the guy might come around and explain his real intentions to her. She was afraid to push him because every time he would tell her how he just got out of a serious relationship and wasn’t ready to start dating just yet, but he was willing to try.

Eight months and all the boy did was call her when it suited him, then he would disappear for weeks on end, again and again. When she finally managed to break it off with the guy, he got a girlfriend barely two weeks later and has been dating her for a while now.
And to think of all that time my very beautiful friend spent on that loser.
Boy or girl, it really doesn’t matter, you have to keep your priorities straight.

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