Thursday, September 24, 2020

Lessons in Romance

I am in a nice mood.
Today, I want to share the secret of my happiness. In particular, I want members of the male species to be as happy as I am.

You see, when I am in love, I am the best partner in the world. I shower my woman with the best gifts money can buy.

I am the type that keeps an account at the local florist so that at least twice a week, a bouquet of fresh roses can be dispatched to my affectionate half.

I know of guys who cannot be bothered with such romantic gestures. They want a woman who can cook for them and not throw a tantrum when they return home in the early hours, staggering drunk.
Not for me.

I buy my woman the most expensive perfume on the market. If I know someone travelling overseas, I give them some money to purchase the trendiest perfume. That is how devoted I am to my partner.
On romantic occasions, such as Valentine’s Day, the roses arrive as a matter of course. I make sure they are accompanied by a box of imported chocolate.

In the evening, we go out for a candlelit dinner at a posh restaurant where the menu is a la carte.

I am too polished to do buffet meals where you end up having to contend with fare such as tripe.

I mean, there are people whose idea of a romantic dinner is pizza.
I don’t do that.

Coming to think of it, I think I am the most romantic man this side of the universe.

I prefer co-habitation.
In cases where my partner stays elsewhere, she doesn’t have to worry about paying rent. I pick the tab. I pay for the satellite television subscription.

When she is done with programmes like Oprah, I want my partner to gain knowledge by watching stuff like Discovery channel. I pay for good television because local sports programming does not cater for people like me.

For instance, they don’t show cricket or polo. I also watch soapies. Unlike men who sneer at soapies, I tend to enjoy them. Whenever they come on me and my woman snuggle up and watch together.

My partner will tell you I am the ultimate romantic. My woman cannot be seen in the same outfit twice in a month. For her wardrobe we either fly or take a drive to proper cities across the border where the clothing boutiques have a wide variety of choice. My woman must wear exclusive designer gear which even the Chinese cannot dream of copying.

Imagine arriving at a posh restaurant for dinner only to find that another woman is dressed up in the same outfit as my darling?
I do so many good things for my partner. To top it all off, I am monogamous. I am not like local fellows who keep a procession of girlfriends. The reason I am able to afford the good life for my partner is because I don’t have to spread my money across so many women.

I have heard some chaps saying their mobile phones are out of bounds for their partner. I mean, what is the point of being married or being in a relationship when your partner cannot have access to your phone?
If I am in the bathroom my partner is at complete liberty to answer my phone. As a monogamous, single-lady man, I have absolutely no problem with it.

If my woman feels bored, she can even scroll on my phone and check out all the names in it.
I have visited households where the man’s cellphone never rings because it is forever on silent mode. I don’t get this.

I do really sympathise with my sisters who are subjected to a life of trauma by their partners. My relationship is the epitome of bliss.
When I want to go out, I invite my woman before I invite any of my friends. If she doesn’t feel like it, I tell her exactly when I will be back.

When I leave the house, I give her a peck. She gets another peck when I return home at the agreed time. It is all a delightful life.

I fail to understand why my brothers don’t choose to live like me.

I go to the movies with my woman. When we get to the car, I open the door for her like a perfect gentleman.
I am used to men giving me quizzical, even menacing looks as if they think I am letting down the side.

Often at the movies, we see men accompanied by ladies they were not with at the last movie. Some men even go on movie dates with school going teenagers. Because the teenagers are too thick to follow the plot and the dialogue in a foreign language called English, they resort to giggling, spoiling the movie for some of us.

When I met my partner, she couldn’t swim. Like many local folk, she kept a safe distance from water. I have taught her to swim and on some weekends when many men go off to watch football and drink cheap beer, we are swimming.

I hardly drink.

For me, it’s a glass of champagne or wine. Even then, I prefer to drink with you know who.

We do household chores together. We cook together. I make up the bed. I press her work outfits. When we have kids, I am going to change nappies.
I do so many things with my love.
In our house, we are forever laughing and smiling. It is such a delightful life.

I want to ask more men to try and live the way I do. I can assure blokes that they won’t die.
They won’t die if they keep one lady.
They won’t die if they become more romantic by sending roses and buying gifts.

They will feel so liberated when they let their women answer their cell phones.

To every guy, I say, you too can do it. You can live my life. I mean, I wash my partner’s lingerie. That said, I feel it is unfair that I am the only man who has found the formula to a blissful and loving relationship.

Today, I just wanted to motivate my fellow male species to realize that they too can be good partners if they emulate my life.
Work on it guys. You can do it. You too can be nice.

Have a lovely week end with your partners!

RELATED STORIES

Read this week's paper

Masisi creates his own “deep state”?

The government enclave is discussing a new law that will expand the president’s overreach and make it easier for the Directorate of...