I am a law abiding citizen.
Those who know me can vouch to this fact. Even those who don’t know me but have heard of me can attest to this fact.
I am one of the rare breed of people who follow the law to the dot. I obey all the laws in the book.
Unlike many people in this country, I even stop at the red lights. I don’t drink. I don’t swear. I don’t even watch violent movies because I am a pacifist.
I am man who abhors violence. I am a member of my neighbourhood watch because I detest criminality. I am model citizen who should be awarded a medal by the state for an exemplary and clean life.
In fact, if the government were smart they would ask me to quit my job. They would pay me to go around the country talking to unruly kids on how to become model citizens. The kids would listen in awe when I tell them I married my childhood sweetheart with whom I went to school.
I know they won’t believe it when I tell them that not once have I cheated on my wife. This is the life I have chosen. I have no regrets about my choices. I am also happy with my choice of lifestyle because when everybody else goes to hell, I will be going to heaven where I will relax and have a good laugh with the skinny bloke with blue eyes and long blond hair who was nailed to the cross.
I cannot harm a fly. In fact, my aim in life is to help the government in whichever endeavour that seeks to improve the lives of the people.
I have been paying careful attention to all government initiatives and how they can change our lives. I think many of the ideas are quite sound.
However, it is not possible to implement all these lovely ideas because of a lack of funds. It is a chronic problem in African countries this lack of funds.
For all our needs we can never generate enough money to pay for all the projects we must undertake. But since time immemorial, the state has had only one sure method of raising revenue. Ever since its advent , and when some bright spark realised it needed upkeep, the ordinary citizen became the source of funding for the state.
That is why wars have been fought over taxes. People have fled their mother land because of taxes. And we all know that others have languished in jail because of issues over tax.
Look, if there were no taxes the state would cease to exist. The state only wields authority because it can employ policemen and soldiers to enforce its will. They have to be paid to do the bidding of the state. The state can only keep order because it has the funds to pay an executioner to get rid of those deemed unfit to live among us.
It is because of taxes that the state can induce some citizens to spy upon fellow citizens and so keep the authorities informed about possible threats to its existence.
Of course , it’s not all bad about the state and taxes. When it realised it could not rely on its enforcers to keep society in check, the state decided to come up with some goodies.
In exchange for cooperation from the citizenry, the state used some of the taxes to build school and hospitals. For this, mankind became so grateful he decided to live in peace with the state. Like I say, all these were possible because of taxes.
Now as a law abiding citizen what is it I can do to help the state fulfil it functions? As a pacifist I have long resolved I cannot support the state in the prosecution of any war.
My interest is to help the state in providing services that can improve our quality of life. So I have taken it upon myself to be a whistleblower.
From now onwards I am going to do my civic duty and report all people and entities who evade tax. Without any prompting I will show up at the tax office every week and give them a list of suspects. This would reinforce my credentials as a model citizen who should go around public schools being held up as somebody whom the kids should emulate.
When I am not reporting law breakers, I will be thinking up ideas of how the state can increase the tax base. It has come to my notice that there are lots of eligible taxpayers who don’t do their duty to the state. My suspicion is that somebody is fast asleep at the tax office. They need to come up with innovations to increase the tax base. In this time of recession, there is a particular group of people who don’t know what the word means.
They are not affected by fancy terms. Their business thrives even in the worst of economic times.
Being the smart and law abiding citizen I am, I think the state should look at prostitution in a more positive light. I have long expressed my admiration for hookers. To me, they are smart women who, unlike their foolish counterparts, are prepared to use what they own to feed their children. My admiration has not stopped. That is why I believe hookers should help the state.
From henceforth they should be treated as law abiding citizens. Instead of arresting the hookers, we should use them to expand the tax base. Remember how I said at the dawn of civilisation, man realised that the only way to sustain his way in power was through taxes. Well at the same time, humanity discovered prostitution. Historians say it is the oldest profession in the world.
In other words prostitution made its appearance around the same time as taxes. In that regard, let us formalise the relationship between the two activities. My advice to the state is for it to set up its own brothels. Instead of being arrested, the girls will be told about the new laws that recognise them as important citizens. They will be told the state values them as useful citizens who can help in developing the country.
Young women who just finished school will read state issued pamphlets exhorting them to become hookers. They will be celebrities. They might even be given a new name.
I think the time has come to utilise the good women of this world to help their fellow citizens.
Let the hookers pay tax!
