I have turned a new leaf. I am a pacifist.
The reason is because I want to live for long. In fact, I want to live forever.
That means a few changes are due. First of all, I want the Limbos to go home. All of them. That is the first step in my determination to live forever.
I think we have been hospitable enough and it is high time everyone went back to their home country. It has been ages since the Zimbos arrived here.
Initially, we were excited to receive them as visitors from a neighboring country. But just like with any visitor who stays on forever, the novelty of the visit wears off when you start knowing their warts and all.
Also, any visitor must indicate at some point or other that they will take leave, or at least move on and visit someone else. But with the Zimbos, there is absolutely no sign they are about to depart.
Their reason for staying on is why I am a man born anew. It is all because of Old Man and Pretty Face.
The moment the two entered into their nuptials, all Zimbos ought to have known Old Man would want to stay in power forever. I mean, this is common sense. Try and remember the last time you saw an old man in the company of a young woman who is not his daughter.
You will agree with me that, without exception, it is only rich and powerful old geezers who are able to hook up with young women. It is the law of survival.
The young lady wants all the creature comforts of life and so she follows the money. Secretly she hopes the old man would marry her, show her where he keeps his stash of money and then die so that she takes everything and lives happily ever after with the young heart throb she really loves.
On the other hand, the old codger thinks by getting a young one he would cleanse his blood and prolong his life. That was exactly the plan when Pretty Face decided to marry Old Man. She banked on Old Man enjoying a new lease on life for a few years and then one morning, not waking up, albeit, with a contented smile on his face.
In her mind she would then play the role of the First Lady in mourning for the obligatory period whilst celebrating away from the prying eyes of everyone. Not only did Pretty Face bank on Old Man kicking the bucket after a few years but so did many other people.
They included the ambitious rivals who wanted to assume the throne on the demise of Old Man. The people who didn’t give Old Man many years on this earth also included blokes who saw themselves comforting the presidential widow in the not too distant future. The problem is that Old Man has confounded all expectations. He seems to live on and on.
The reality is Old Man does not look like dying. In fact, I think he is growing stronger by the day. At the rate things are going there is a distinct possibility that Old Man might outlive Pretty Face. I do not rule out Old Man still hanging onto power at the ripe old age of a century and a decade just like those fellas in the bible who could live to about five hundred years.
Now that Old Man is not dying and, therefore, not going anywhere, the Zimbos must go back home. If Old Man is going to live for the next fifty years, the Zimbos cannot hope to be here still. I mean, by then they would no longer be Zimbos. That is why I think they must go home.
It used to be a nice little contest when neighbours would compare what qualifications their Zimbos had. A house that employed a Zimbo maid with a degree considered itself better than a house with a Zimbo gardener who had a diploma. The kids also boasted about the qualifications of their Zimbos in the playground. Everyone was excited and no family could be caught without a Zimbo slave.
Initially, it was an urban phenomenon. Then when the Zimbos realized they could not all find jobs in town, they wandered off to the villages. In no time every village household with little more than two muds and grass thatch huts started employing Zimbos. Then word went around that Old Man had lost the elections. He was finished we all thought.
All the Zimbos looked forward to returning home. Every local household fretted and worried about who would do the chores that the locals would not touch because they were for Zimbos.
Of course, we all know what happened. Old Man bounced back. With his every public appearance Old Man looked even sprightlier. I swear I caught an unguarded moment on television of Pretty Face wondering when, or if Old Man would ever kick the bucket.
Many of us took the view that because Old Man could not quit power as long as he had a young wife to impress, the solution was for him to die. I must say I now hold some grudging respect for the old chap.
Faced with a terrible life of a much maligned figure many men half his age would have long died. Any man who can live forever is worthy of admiration, not scorn and spite.
Damn, I think I like Old Man.
I think the old chap is a much misunderstood figure. In our anger at him, we overlooked a few things. With some shame I must say I am sorry for hating Old Man so much. I wasn’t fair on the old geezer. Heck, I am now convinced the problems in his country are not as bad as they are made out to be.
Let’s face it, which country does not have its own share of problems? We have been nasty on this nice old man. It is time we started seeing some good in him.
The first thing we must accept is that there must be something positive about a man who can live for as long as those chaps in the bible. My issue is simple. Old Man is going to live forever. For as long as he is alive he will be in power. The more anger we display towards him the more years we shave off our life expectancy.
By hating him we kill ourselves and he remains in power with his young wife. Many people who hate Old Man are dead. Many more are set to die if they don’t ditch their negative energy of hate.
I am a pacifist. I am done with hate. I like Old Man because I want to live as long as him.
I also want to marry a young woman when I get to the age of his marriage to Pretty Face.
So Zimbos go back home and get on with your lives. Come to terms with Old Man’s immortality and life will be so much better for you.
More importantly, stop hating Old Man so that you live forever. I want to live forever. Perhaps if we all start showing him kindness and affection and if all Zimbos go home and tell him just how much they love him, he could then die the next day.
Let us love Old Man to death!