Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Let us learn from Afghanistan!

I just do not know how we ended up as a country.

With our tiny population, we should not have qualified to be a country. And I mean it.

Actually, I think the people who designate what qualifies to be a country should introduce new criteria for new countries.
There must be a minimum number of people in a given territory to qualify for country status.

Honestly, if there is no agreed standard, then very soon large villages will call themselves countries. As far as I am concerned, we are just a collection of large villages that then decided to call themselves a country.
I am surprised that the whole world agreed to recognize a collection of villages as a country.

Granted, we have more people than some of those islands in the Pacific and the Caribbean. There they have hamlets that enjoy country status. In international forums those so called countries enjoy the same status as the mighty United States of America. Surely this is foolish.

It is not fair for a small country like us to enjoy the same status as America. It cannot be fair for those little islands to enjoy the same status as America. In spite of their size, or rather lack of it, some of them are so ill behaved they even have the guts to insult America.

I am convinced the time has come for the relevant international organization to set a criteria for country status. That organization must come up with strict rules for a territory to be a country. Small countries that are disqualified must merge with other entities to become new countries.
Okay, there is an argument in favour of small countries. Some people say a country with a small population tends to be more organized and its government finds it easier to deliver services to the citizenry.

It is a compelling argument. But there are counter arguments as well.
A small country is unable to defend itself when it is attacked. In fact, small countries should not be allowed to have armies. They are just a waste of money because everyone knows when the dirt hits the fan those armies cannot have enough personnel to come to do their duty.
There is also the economic argument. Small countries don’t have enough people to buy goods produced in a country. Therefore because of the economies of scale, it is better for an investor to set up in a proper country instead of opening a factory in a collection of villages pretending to be a country.

I know some people think we are a serious country to be reckoned with. That is imagination running riot.
As far as I am concerned, we are not.
But instead of moaning and whining what must we do to qualify to be a proper country that can insult America without any compunction?

The solution lies in population.
We need a big population. In that way we will be able to challenge our neighbours to a proper war where we can hold our own. We will also be able to attract big multinationals to open factories here.

But why is it that we don’t have a large population? What is it that we fail to do that other countries do so well to have big populations?
In order to find an answer, we must go to Afghanistan. Yes that is the country where female folk are not allowed to show their faces in public. It is where, if you steal, they chop off your hands in full public glare. There they stone you to death for certain crimes. Clearly, Afghanistan is a nasty place.

If I were to go to Afghanistan for a week, they would stone me within three days for being too cheeky. It is a wonder that despite being such a nasty place Afghanistan has such a large population. It could be a nasty place but they are clear about what it takes to have a large population.

To show just how serious they are, they recently introduced a law that prescribes the minimum number of times a couple must engage in conjugal activity. Now this is not only a nasty country, but it is also a serious country when it comes to matters intimate.

The law in Afghanistan says a man must have sex with his partner a minimum of four times a week.
If the wife decides to play funny then there is a penalty. You see, in Afghanistan, they don’t only chop off hands and stone miscreants to death, they also have stiff penalties for women who deny husbands their conjugal rights.

That is why Afghanistan has such a large population. I want the government here to come up with a similar law. Only this time the penalty will not apply to women but to the men folk.

Local chaps are the reason why this country does not deserve to be called a country. They have committed treason by not working hard enough in bed. We cannot carry on this way. Otherwise we will never win any war nor will we attract any multinationals to set up companies here.

We must become a proper country before the international organization that determines whether a territory is a country or not disqualifies us.

I am sick and tired of living in a collection of villages that pretend to be a country. We must emulate Afghanistan. A law to assist women folk do their duty to produce more children and generally enjoy life is long overdue.

Every man must perform a minimum of four times a week. Female partners will be encouraged to report to the authorities any slacker who cannot achieve the minimum target. Appropriate action, such as a public flogging for laziness in bed will be meted out.
But those measures will only come into play if the woman has made a prior attempt to starve her partner by not feeding him for some days. The idea is that the prospect of not being fed will rally the man to serious action. Only if that fails will a public flogging follow.

We are lagging behind other nations because of this tiny population.
So, let us have a law aimed at local men because the women are not to blame. The options are clear. Our men must learn to perform better in bed or they will be starved.

If that does not bring about the desired result then they will be named and shamed in a public flogging!


Read this week's paper

The Telegraph September 23

Digital edition of The Telegraph, September 23, 2020.