Friday, September 25, 2020

McCain is my man!

We are seized with the matter of November 4th.

This is a huge day for the whole wide world. It will be the day when we get to learn who they voted for.
As you all know, I love America. With all my heart. If given a choice between living here and America, there would be no contest. I would happily go to America.

In fact, I would leave so quickly I wouldn’t have time to bid you guys farewell. What if I went around saying goodbye only to find that the Americans have withdrawn their offer? I will only bid my folks and friends farewell when I am safely in the America.
There are many reasons why I love America. I love the movies. I love the music. I love the clothes. I love the money. I love the freedom. I love democracy. And democracy is the reason why November 4th is so important.
However, before we get to that point, I must admit America is not perfect. America is like a favourite uncle. You know the one who gets drunk and embarrasses you in front of your friends. Or swears and uses other rude words at a solemn family ceremony. But the following day he still remains your favourite uncle. That is America.

For example America can be unreasonable when she attempts to recall a president simply because a nice intern gave him a few blow jobs. I thought that’s what interns and secretaries are for. Anyway that is America. It can make you mad at times. And at other times render you misty eyed with your love for her.
I can’t understand why the people at the American embassy can’t just mail me a green card. I love America more than many Americans. Some of them find fault with their country at every turn. Well, they don’t know how lucky they are. Let them come and live in African countries and they will know. They will understand how rough things are here. Every little thing they take for granted has to be fought for down here. Given that I won’t be getting my green card anytime soon, I can only watch events in my favourite country from here.

All eyes are on November 4th.
Everyone knows what is happening on that day. You see, on that day my favourite country votes. They are getting a new president. My man has done his two terms and is off to his ranch. It’s now time for another man to take over. And that is yet another reason why I love America. No funny stories about anyone staying in power for ever. When your time is up you go. That is why I love American presidents. I love the current man. I love the bloke who got into trouble when that intern showed him some tender loving care.

You can bet that irrespective of the outcome of the forthcoming election, I already love whoever will win. To me all American presidents are good people at heart.

Now with the coming election, people have taken sides. The black people are rooting for the brown chap. So are many white people I must say. So many, in fact, that the polls show him ahead. But with the blacks almost all of them are rooting for the brown chap. The old geezer does not seem to be doing so well. But I don’t mind him. My issue is simple. I want a president who will tell the people at the local embassy to process my green card.

Between the two, I don’t know who can get it done quickly. If the nigger wins, it will mean many black and brown people applying for green cards to immigrate to America. I can assure you in the queue will be many people who just a few months ago were chanting anti American slogans. That is the allure of America. Even her enemies want to go and live there.

On the other hand, if the old geezer wins, I doubt there will be many black and brown people who would think going to America is a right thing. Perhaps I am mistaken. I mean, for all these years, all American presidents were white and citizens of countries that cannot tie their shoe laces still applied for a green card. But they knew it was a lottery. You either won or lost. There was no entitlement.

But as November 4th approaches, we are forced to make difficult choices. For a man like me who loves all America’s presidents, past, present and future, what do I do? Between the old geezer and the brown chap, who do I go for? It would be safer to go for the brown chap who vaguely looks like many black people. But that can’t be the only reason. If that were the only consideration then it would mean I am racist. If I vote for a man simply because of his skin colour that is racism. And, as we know, black people are always complaining bout racism. Now I see almost all of them rooting for the black chap. Is that not racism in reverse?

We have to support a candidate who will make a change in our lives. Everyone must decide what they want the new president of America to do for them. I am clear. For me, the one thing I want is an American green card. If Obama wins it means a sense of entitlement in the ranks of black people the world over. That means longer queues for the green card. On the other hand, if McCain wins the sense of entitlement is dashed and we get shorter queues for the green card. I have made up my mind. I am rooting for McCain. You can scream all you want. I am rooting for the guy who will ensure that people who have been faithful to America without fail for our entire lives get to that great nation much more quickly. With Obama, I will be stuck here forever as he takes care of his cousins and relatives, in fact, the whole of Kenya before I am considered for a green card.
To get my green card soonest, McCain is my man!


Read this week's paper

Masisi creates his own “deep state”?

The government enclave is discussing a new law that will expand the president’s overreach and make it easier for the Directorate of...