Following the recent general election, I want to help the Big Man run this country properly.
As a good citizen, I want to give him ideas that will assist him get things moving.
For starters, I want him to deal with the university students. I mean, those kids are like a latent volcano. They just hibernate, and lull everyone into complacency. Then with vicious fury, they erupt without notice.
A volcano can hibernate for ages, giving the impression that it is extinct. That is why, in human history, man has learnt to live with the volcano. A whole generation can go by without an eruption and that is ample time for man to be born, crawl, walk, plough, fall in love, have kids, divorce and then die at a ripe old age.
If lucky, a generation may not experience any eruption. But its children would not be so fortunate. All the years of building a life would be swept away in a moment of red fury.
In spite of this, man has decided to take his chances and live side by side with a volcano.
That is how varsity students behave. They are little volcanoes. When they erupt they can shut down the whole city. They send law-abiding residents scampering for cover. They can also destroy property. They can cause serious bodily harm to innocent residents if caught in harm’s way of the marauding mob.
Fortunately, with advances in modern science, measures are being developed to anticipate eruptions in order to get people out of harm’s way.
Over the years, casualties arising from eruptions have diminished a great deal because of modern science. However, the number of student uprisings has risen over the years.
Ever since my days as a student at varsity, we have always risen against the establishment. The state sent us to varsity to get an education in order to perpetuate its authority. But before assuming the responsibility of running the state we fought against it. That is the by product of providing people with education.
Instead of showing appreciation , they fight the benefactor until the day they finally have to pay the rent. Ever since I left varsity, there has been riots and uprisings. From the way I see things, that is the way life will work for as long as varsities exist.
Fully aware that varsity students are like a volcanoes, I think we must find a way to anticipate and avert any future eruptions. I don’t want any disruptions to my life caused by a marauding mob hell bent on seizing state power.
In their bid to seize the state, they trash the streets, close down the city, harass drivers and generally cause mayhem in our lives. With absolute certainty, an eruption is looming.
We must stop varsity students from causing us further grief. As far as I am concerned the gravest mistake society ever did was to assume that varsity students are adult enough to behave responsibly.
I now concede that I was not adult enough at varsity to know what to do were we to seize state power. I think the time has now come for us to put varsity students in their place.
First of all, for purposes of discipline, varsity students should get report cards when they write their exams. The time has now come for parents to be sent report cards of their children at varsity.
Granted, in the village, parents who are illiterate wouldn’t understand the reports, but their boy or girl at varsity will behave in the knowledge there could be somebody to interpret the report for the parents.
Other than exam reports, I think the authorities should consider introducing corporal punishment for erring students. Growing up, we were lashed at primary school. I still believe it was a good idea to dispense a few licks to those rascals at primary school.
Were it not for the flogging, many of us would not have made half decent citizens of ourselves. I am convinced there is a reason why the flogging continued at secondary school. The authorities were genuinely trying to turn us into model citizens.
The biggest error was to outlaw flogging at school. Corporal punishment has to be reinstated.
This time it must go all the way from primary school right up to varsity. Someone must give a good reason why varsity hoodlums should not be flogged when they erupt.
I am sick and tired of this idea that a bunch of undergraduates should be treated like royalty.
In other words, for as long as varsity students behave like kids, they must be treated as such. There are other measures that can instill discipline in our students.
I am now of the view that they should wear uniform to lectures. The person who came up with the idea of a uniform for school kids obviously had a good reason.
I wore a uniform for many years and I can assure you that I put on my best behavior. I also recall that I became most mischievous when I was out of uniform because I managed to blend into the community.
Wearing a uniform imposed a certain sense of responsibility on me. In the interest of keeping varsity students on the straight and narrow, that is the way to go.
Someone must give me a good reason why varsity students should not wear a uniform. If grown up people in the army who wield guns can wear a uniform, why must students who subsist on our taxes be exempted?
We need a radical change in mindset for how to deal with varsity students. Just like those brilliant scientists managed to read the mind of the volcano, we must read the mind of the student. The only way we can preserve peace and order is to introduce report cards sent directly to the parents.
On top of that corporal punishment must be introduced. And then we must get them to wear uniform.
And let us not forget morning assembly.
Just like we did at primary and secondary school, every morning all the varsity students should gather for assembly where their principal will address them on pertinent issues.
Folks, this is the only way to tame varsity students. I hope the Big Man will see to it that the new the measures are in place as early as next year!