Sunday, September 20, 2020

My new life!

It is now accepted that we live only once.

Life is a rare opportunity which the less fortunate are unable to enjoy for whatever reason.

The more fortunate like us ought to make the most of it. A large portion of humanity has long decided there is nothing like life after death. That notion exists only in fairy tales written by white men with long bushy beards because they could live up to eight hundred years and hence dream up fantasies.
Since their demise, and in spite of the popularity of their book, many of us ordinary people know we only live once.
Once we die, that is the end of it all.

Therefore, it makes sense that we must live life to the full before we die. I pity all those people who cannot get a life. Someday they will regret. Imagine people who do not drink. Just what good reason is there for someone not to imbibe liquor and in the throes of it be transported to a different world? This is just one example. I am sure we can come up with many earthly pleasures that some self-righteous mortals deprive themselves off.

They live under the illusion that by living a life of deprivation, some day they will die, and like the sad looking man with long blond hair and blue eyes who was nailed to the cross, they will live again.

It is their choice to believe they share a father with that man. I am not hedging any bets on the prospect of life after death.
On that basis, I have chosen to enjoy life because there will be no second chance.

So far, I have done almost everything I wished to. I have also fulfilled the expectations of other people, in spite of my misgivings.
For instance, I have stayed long in school because my parents insisted on it. So, not only have I indulged myself, I have also indulged the wishes of other people.

That said, I have been thinking hard about what else I wish to do in order to live my life to the fullest. As I have been busy thinking, I realized that I want to revisit certain pleasures in my child hood. Every childhood has its pleasures and rites of passage. We grow up differently. That is why in life we end up as different people.
It has come to my notice that many people have missed out on certain things in their childhood, but are too ashamed to acknowledge it. They are too afraid to come out of the closet. I think we must change our mindset. Every single one of us has been a child. We have all had a childhood.

We all retain memories of our childhood. We know what it is about our childhoods we enjoyed and what it is we didn’t. I must admit that in certain instances we were too young to remember our infant lives. We often wonder about our forgotten childhoods when we see infants. We then wonder if we too were like them.

Recently, I have taken to observing kids. They just fascinate me. I look at them and ask myself if I behaved the way they do at their age. I wonder if I did what they did.

I ask myself if they will remember the earthly pleasures they are pampered with. Hence my decision to relive the days of my childhood.

Unlike other men my age, I am going to be open about my new lifestyle.

Starting today, I am going to eat healthy food. For a long time it has been drummed into us that cereals are good for our health. I agree. That is why from now onwards I am going to eat stuff such as Purity.

Every pay day I am going to stock up on delicious baby food. I want to look plump and happy like those little toddlers on the bottle of Purity.

I want a variety of baby meals. After all, we must eat a balanced diet. In pursuit of a healthy diet I will also gorge myself on Cerelac. They advertise it as good for soft tummies. Well, my tummy has been taking too much junk. It needs to be softened.

For special occasions, I am going to eat what in this part of the world we call top diet. We only eat top diet on occasions like Christmas.

Our idea of a top diet is rice, beetroot salad and chicken. Well from now on my top diet is Nestum. This is my all time favourite.

In my quest to live my life to the fullest, Nestum will be reserved for special occasions. And don’t even think I will be eating all
this stuff in secret. No chance.
As my workmates eat tripe and fat cakes at the office, I will be enjoying my little tub of Nestum.
In between drinking liquor, I will also be imbibing healthy liquids. My choice will be milk. Because I am too old to be breast fed, I will settle for the delicious S 26 milk powder.

It is reputed to be very nutritious. To ensure I don’t spoil the taste, I won’t drink my S 26 from a glass. I will buy myself a baby milk bottle. When I am not using it, it will be sterilized just like it is done for infants.

I won’t give a damn what people say. I have also realized my bed is very uncomfortable. No problem I will get a local carpenter to design me an adult cot complete with barriers on the side so that I don’t fall off when sucking my thumb and dreaming of Nestum.

My social life won’t change. Even if some people think I am strange, I will live my life as I want. My friends will be allowed to visit. Well, they wont find football on my television. They will find me eating baby cereal, drinking S 26 and watching the cartoon network.
How is that for a new life!


Read this week's paper

Sunday Standard September 20 – 26

Digital copy of Sunday Standard issue of September 20 - 26, 2020.