‘I love dick!” chirped Tawana Lebale, Botswana’s Big Brother Africa representative in 2008, when quizzed about the hank panky she got herself into during her stint in the house.
Coming shortly after her eviction, Lebale’s comments elicited a range of emotions ÔÇô to some they were crude, shocking, even disgusting.
Yet she awakened in us the truth that sex is an integral part of human existence and that, contrary to conservative beliefs, women actually do enjoy sex!
True, what she said would be unthinkable in most communities. After all, in traditional Africa, sexuality is a taboo topic. Yet it’s a reality that is part of our lives.
People have sex ÔÇô and lots of it. In this post-woman empowerment era, women now more than ever before enjoy broader rights. These rights extend to their bodies and how they use them.
Traditional society has often subconsciously perceived the female body as an item for society; whether for male pleasure or for bearing children. Very rarely have women been awarded utmost rights over their bodies, especially in African communities. Botswana is not an exception.
In an era where the HIV/AIDS pandemic is largely a product of sexual recklessness, society tends to pretend sexuality either does not exist, or that it is ‘dirty’.
However, there is a rising awareness that society needs to embrace the fact that we need to talk about sex, encourage sex education and view sexuality as an integral part of our lives. This is especially true for women.
The liberty for exercising bodily pleasure and enjoyment comes with responsibility. Indeed, dangers always lurk, sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies being just two.
While our society has made it seem easy to bear and raise a child, it’s a fact that the process affects a woman’s life, more so when she is unprepared. She may be in a supportive relationship, or single, or even suffering the trauma of rape. But the emotional, physical, psychological and financial burden of the child hugely lies on the female. It can be taxing if she was unprepared for the pregnancy.
The Penal Code of 1998 has made it difficult for women to terminate unplanned or unwanted pregnancies.
Assistant Minister of Local Government, Botlogile Tshireletso, recently brought forth this thought when she tabled a parliamentary motion for the legalization of abortion. She called on the setting up of health facilities dedicated to safe abortions performed by qualified personnel. Whether we want to believe it or not, unsafe abortions do take place.
Could this be an advent of change in women rights in our supposedly conservative country?
Botswana still lags behind in laws related to women’s reproductive rights ÔÇô laws often influenced by cultural and religious purists who label morality and immorality without looking at the reality of issues.
Just this year alone, the media was awash with endless reports of fetuses found in buckets and on streets. Mortality rates have increased, partly a result of illegal abortions often carried out in unsanitary environments without the necessary procedures, by unqualified individuals who use a range of dangerous corrosive instruments to rid of the fetus.
Would we rather have this than create a safe environment for women to learn about sexual reproduction, contraceptives and understand their bodies as well as the action they should take to protect themselves and be armed to be enterprising and responsible women who can participate in the progression of their country economically and socially?
We also know of the dire consequences of unwanted children who become a burden on families and general society.
There are still gender imbalances in terms of sexuality. Women remain tools of satisfaction to be leered at, applauded and seen as enticing for male pleasure. For many men, the woman is a conquest to be ruthlessly pursued.
The first acts of persuasion and sexual act are a combined act, while the consequence of the sexual activity become a ‘female problem’. Women often bear the brunt of single-handedly raising children, depending on varying circumstances. This confirms that they have limited rights over their bodies, even they would want to have more control. Culture and religion also encourages women to be selfless and put others first- ‘to do the right thing’. It often puts women at a disadvantage.
Lulama Keoreilwe is not convinced that this bill will come into effect as law, but applauds Minister Tshireletso’s efforts.
“Ours is still a male dominated society that is marred by bits of sexism and gender imbalance. It doesn’t help that religious morality governs many aspects of our society, most of which do not favour women,” she reasons.? “Our cultural practices also still shun terminating pregnancy. People don’t think in terms of practicalities of being emotionally and financially able to raise a child. Everyone thinks about the embryo developing, but what about the mother who is going to struggle throughout life?”
I point out that our society seems to embrace struggle, particularly female struggle.
“Our people do not like comfort. But being selfish comes with an element of self. I don’t respect anyone who would rather a young woman loses her dreams and independence to raise a child she is probably not prepared to bring into the world. Unless women stand up and speak for themselves, no one will help them. Some men don’t genuinely care about women. No man knows the psychological, physical, emotional and financial demands of bringing another creature into the world. This is a female issue really and if we claim to be empowered and on par with global trends and changes, abortion should be a basic right.”
Is there are a chance of abortion being turned into a form of contraceptive?
To Thulaganyo Linchwe, our society still hides behind a finger and refuses to confront pertinent issues of importance.
“Women should be given the right to choose whether they want to keep their pregnancies or not. If they do opt for termination, the abortion should be safe and they should be offered counseling.
Obviously, there is a limitation to how many times one can have abortions. I am pro-choice, provided it is done properly and does not pose any threat to the life and health of the woman.”
For her part, Lauri Kubuitsile is adamant that if the bill is passed at law, it would be another championing of women rights.
“Right now abortion is a class issue. The rich go to South Africa; the poor are denied safe abortions. Abortions do take place and anyone who thinks they are not is lying to themselves. If you don’t like abortions, don’t have one, simple. But women have absolute right to control their own bodies just like men. Either we believe in human rights or we do not,” she says.
However, some still see it as scratching the surface instead of addressing the real issue.
“Some people are afraid of pregnancy more than they fear contracting HIV. When we legalise abortion, we are indirectly putting people at risk of HIV as they will engage in unprotected sexual intercourse, knowing that they can terminate the pregnancies,” explains Tsaone Ofetotse.
Lulama reaffirms that this is a tricky issue. “There is no open communication and sex education in most black homes. We see the consequences with children who fall pregnant unprepared because they do not understand what they are doing. Why am I having sex? That should be the first question. When a woman engages in sexual activity they should be ready for the consequences, but in unforeseen circumstances, women should make the sole choice of deciding what course of action to take.”
The UN Declaration of human rights states that all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. There has also been a push for legislation on women rights.
Nowadays women are coming out and embracing their whole being ÔÇô especially their sexuality. The paradox that Botswana suffers is that of self-loathing under the gaze of an invisible moral gauge that makes us perceive certain topics as non-existent.
In reality people do not have entire freedom over their lives, and, especially their bodies. People are subjected to various restrictions; for example the right to suicide and euthanasia, which though personal is often invasive as other people feel obliged to determine what is wrong or not, moral or immoral.
