Sunday, June 11, 2023

THE BLESSER / BLESSE SYNDROME; THE MARRIAGE REGIME AND THAT FLAMBOYANT SHOW OFF – UNCLE!!!!

We are coming to the end of the winter season and summer is already upon us ÔÇô Although I am not a great fan of summer, I particularly like it for one and only one thing and that is  the many weddings that takes place during this period. It is this period, where we see many marriages taking place at times seeing  the girl child just being put up for sale sometimes driven by greed show offs and just lack of moral principles. Wedding day is a special day for celebration for both parties and their families and it is where there are a lot of showoffs more often than not coming from “That na├»ve silly uncle and aunt.  The most fundamental question to the partners being as to whether the partners are marrying iin -community of property and or not. This process is often characterized by disagreements especially coming from that silly uncle, who thinks that he is the best negotiator on the payment of “lobola”.

This process is often characterized by a lot of greed and the need to acquire more financial gains using the poor girl as bait to accumulate that which the family decimally failed to acquire on their own over the years.

This piece dear reader attempts to address the decay in the institution of marriage and the evolution of the blesser and blessee syndrome. It also gives an account on how the institution of marriage and the payment of Lobola has now being used and abused by some families thus turning it into commercial financial project by way of using their daughters and nieces as commercial sexual objects. The prevailing divorce laws also alter the incentives for couples to invest in their marriage, thereby allowing divorce on demand by either spouse, the most common one being irreconcilable differences as a legitimate reason to grant divorce. However, this is often used as an excuse and lie as the economic aspect takes the centre stage seen more as spousal bargaining and the extent to which public policy can affect within families. 

We have all heard of the phrase ‘Sugar Daddy’ or ‘Sugar Momma’, right? Well, now that has transformed into the form of a Blesser. The Blesser and Blessee phenomenon has taken Botswana by storm, as more and more men and women have revealed that they are either a ‘Blesser’ or a ‘Blessee. The ‘Blesser’ and the ‘Blessee’ phenomenon has become a trending topic in Botswana, especially over the last few months and now the phenomenon transitioning into some marriages. Why? , greed, dis-respect, the desire for quick financial gains and lack of ethical principles and morality have now simply eroded the noble intensions on the marriage institution and on the fundamental principles for the respect of the institution. 

“The institution of Marriage is no longer exciting, it just exists in a name and those who have NEVER been it are better off”, overheard a conversation from some friends recently. 

“In trying to find out as to why this could be the case, a finger needs to be pointed at “That Uncle” who himself could have not made it in the institution of marriage and is possibly still in it for convenience. There has been a decline and respect in the institution, sometimes driven by greedy mothers and the uncles who use their daughter (s) as pure sexual financial tools in the name of marriage. It is not surprising to come across a lady in her early 30 and law below 40 years have been married to two years or more five times and her parents still putting her on auction and for sale, without even being sincere and honest to their emerging marriage prostitute.

“My friend argued, now a days it is more about the wedding day and not bothered by what comes thereafter. I have also noticed that the major spoilers in today spoilers are lack of commitment by the partners, characterized by their lies and cheating on one another with friends or friend’s husbands and wives, colleagues and sometimes out of desperation even with clumsy and lousy drunkards of neighbors.”  “  The uncles, the modern day uncle also has a role to play.  Those useless uncles who always want their presence to be felt, walking their nieces on the aisle during the wedding day knowing full well that he is still going to be doing it many more times by marrying the same niece to many men in future and seeing it just as right, not ashamed and or bothered by his participation.

Well Sociologist often says this behavior and the social construct can be understood by an assessment of the family. In that , perhaps we have not only western civilization to blame but also ignorance on the part of our people about their own customs, which were intended to ensure that marriage conformed to the norms and values of our society. Today, there are many female-headed households due to divorce, not death, and a lot of injustice being done where is there are kids involved in divorce and the evolution and development of the “Uncle syndrome”. 

Nowadays there is a cultural and spiritual acceptance of divorce, premarital cohabitation, single parent households, and poor parenting skills. These factors are mostly exacercebated by the existence of greedy families, mothers and uncles who have certainly put their daughters on financial scale, without shame, use them as commercial sexual objects, This in turn produce negative effects on the children, as when these uncles and mothers keeps marrying their daughters to many men for the love of money (lobola) . The poor kids are not consulted and even former husband consent and his family are not sort during this economic transaction. The poor kids on this day commonly referred to as “Dinamane” will just be paraded and shown to the family of the “Sephokophoko” paying lobola and being a fool as he is will think the kids are now his when they have a caring and existing father while his are living in a shack, in a shady area, using pit latrine, driven just by lust and stupidity, housed and maintained by the new wife/ the marital prostitute. In the process, little knowing it was good riddance to the previous man, who was married to this marital prostitute..

The current family structure is not thorit of the family and the new “Sephokophoko” husband will try his level best by trying to out compete with the biological father even when he can’t afford but just trying to impress, turning himself into a taxi driver by dropping the kids that are not his  at private schools such as bo- North side, Thorn Hill and bo Maruapula jaana, when his go to bo Camp (Not that Camp is not worthy) and cannot even drop them or pick them at their  schools.   He gets fascinated, and always enjoys being seen by some of his senior colleagues from his work place, dropping and picking the other man’s kids at these schools, as if he is paying their school fees and can he even afford? 

Thabo Lucas Seleke writes from CapeTown

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