Thursday, July 16, 2020

The teenage daughter!

The feedback I have received so far is that everyone is happy. Perfectly happy. For married women, their husbands are on their best behaviour. The wives are particularly pleased that their husbands survived the traumatic last few months when many a married man was standing in the dock answering a charge of rape. With a sigh of relief the men are also happy. They count themselves lucky that they survived what was clearly a conspiracy by young girls. In many bedrooms around the land, married life has never been so blissful. There is a curfew imposed by the antics of young girls. Chaps return home from work with a spring in their step, kiss the wife and kids and busy themselves with checking the homework. The kids are happy to see daddy not visiting home, but now staying there. At school, the grades have improved as kids boast to each other, and inform the teachers that daddy stays home. The wives are so happy they have bought new wardrobes and some sexy lingerie.

They are also swapping the latest recipes with their friends. As the aroma of exotic winter dishes wafts from the kitchen, and with the kids playing with daddy, who now watches the cartoon network, life has never been so good. Daddy drinks at home. When he wants to go for a drink with his mates the wife drops him off for pick up later. The wives don’t know how to thank the little girls who did so much to bring order and stability to their marriages. Men being men, they would like to think they are lying low and just waiting for the rape cases to stop. The nice thing for wives is that no husband wants to be the first to break the curfew. What if he does and is then snared by a little girl who also wants her fifteen minutes of fame? The divorcees are also very happy. As a result of blokes keeping a safe distance from the little girls, divorcees have never enjoyed so much attention. They are spoilt for choice.

The last time any man showed so much interest in them was on the night of the marriage. All of a sudden the divorcees are glowing with happiness. But they are careful not to allow it to get to their heads. They know better. They know that if they behave themselves the new bloke in their life may just stay a bit longer. In the meantime, the little girls are with their little, broke, boyfriends. They now regret what they did. The little boyfriends are unemployed. They cannot buy drinks. As for cellphones and clothing from chic boutiques across the border, that would be expecting too much from the little boys. Our hope is that the little girls will mature quickly and realise that getting men with money into trouble is to their own detriment. I can tell you the little girls are in a fix. When they call the number of the mature man nowadays, it is the wife answering on the other side. It is a tough time for them. Married couples are happy. Divorcees and mature bachelors are happy. But the little girls are miserable. They are not alone. In the rich homes, things are not so good. The daughters of rich men are also in trouble. All of a sudden, they have realised there are not enough sons of rich men for all of them. They should blame themselves. We the poor are afraid of them. We are keeping our distance. Just a few weeks ago, the rich daughters turned divorce into a game. Well they are now in trouble. They have no one to boss around. They have no one to kill that spider which gives them the creeps. Rich mummy and rich daddy have no errand boys anymore.

They will have to turn to Zimbos. Serves them right. They thought we would be their slaves forever. The daughters lucky enough to get a boy from a rich family know that mummy and daddy cannot order him about like was the case with the boy from poor family. But most importantly we the impoverished blokes are doing just fine with divorcees. For impoverished blokes, life is just great.

I regret why I did not discover divorcees before. They are a model of exemplary conduct. They know how to treat a man. There is absolutely no nagging. There is respect for hierarchy. There is none of this equality business where we are expected to cook and clean the dishes. The divorcee won’t even suggest it because it is such cheek that got her into trouble in the first place. She knows better than to push her luck this time. Of course, there are divorcees who insist they are not going to change their ways. Well, that is fine. This place, after all, is a democracy. They can keep their attitude. Theirs will be a life of misery. As for more practical divorcees they are having a lovely time. They know what to do to keep us. We are woken to a breakfast we only enjoy when the government has accommodated us at a posh hotel during one of its productivity seminars.

Breakfast comes with the newspapers. But can it last? For the good treatment we are getting from divorcees, it would be cruel to abandon them when word gets out the little girls have repented and are behaving properly. It would be very unfair to them. The poor divorcee may never recover. I think there is something that can keep the magic going.

You see, what is important is for the divorcee to keep you in her house, cook for you, buy you newspapers and generally pamper you. In that case, I urge blokes not to go leave if they notice that the divorcee has a teenage daughter. With her around anything can happen. For blokes who have not yet found a divorcee, I advise you to look for one with a teenage daughter. With mummy at work, she might just decide to be curious enough to find out why lately, mummy is so happy!


Read this week's paper

BPL moves to turn its fortunes

The stubborn elite, Botswana Primer League (BPL) is using the impending Botswana Football Association (BFA) elective General Assembly (GA) to bargain and...