Dealing with change can be challenging, particularly if that change was unexpected.
One of the most difficult transitions to make can be that of going from someone who’s employed to someone who is unemployed, including through a process of retrenchment.
When we’re let go at work, we experience a multitude of emotions, including the obvious anxiety about whether we’ll be able to make ends meet.
Of all the things we worry about, money has to be the most common, even with the security of a steady pay cheque. That anxiety becomes more acute when we lose our main (perhaps only) source of income; and if we’ve been employed for a long time, it’s difficult for us to even imagine an alternative source of revenue.
Other emotions we grapple with are feelings of unworthiness, or that we’re not good enough. After all, if some people were retained, why weren’t we? Perhaps there’s something wrong with us after all.
For many of us, our feelings of self-esteem are tied to our jobs. After all, we spend more time at work than we do at home, or out nurturing social relationships.
So when we lose our jobs, it can feel like we’re losing a big part of our identity. It’s difficult to know how to function, never mind what comes next.
In a lot of cases, we also feel a sense of shame; like we’re being judged as under performers. This may drive us into voluntary isolation, and rob us of social support and kindness when we need it most. Sadly, sometimes we are being judged, usually by people whose own self-worth is strongly linked to their employment.
If we feel like we’ve given many good years to our former employer, we could also feel betrayed; which leads to anger about how badly we’ve been treated; or how other people we judge to be less qualified than us got to stay when we had to go.
When that happens, we’re vulnerable to depression. We may start drinking heavily or, in some extreme cases, contemplate ending our lives that seem to have become so overwhelming.
While it’s difficult to get through times like this, it’s never impossible. As Robert Schuller put it in his book of the same title, “tough times never last, but tough people do.”
You may be in a slump right now but you will get out of it. Other people have done so and so can you.
Here are a few important things to remember:
One ÔÇô Accept that dealing with transition can be difficult. Validate your feelings of loss and disappointment, and give yourself permission to grieve. If you’re confused and unsure of what comes next, that’s perfectly normal. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. If it helps, imagine you were dealing with someone you care about in a similar situation. Would you berate them for losing their job, or tell them that they’re useless? Or would you encourage them and help them to think hopeful thoughts about the future? While all of us are kind and supportive to the people we love, we need to remember to extend that same support to ourselves.
Two ÔÇô avoid negative rumination. Don’t think about how you’re going to be homeless and lose all your friends over and over again. Process your loss, but don’t get stuck feeling powerless or resentful about ‘why this happened to you.’ Nobody likes being miserable, so try to reach for any thought that feels better. While feelings of love and appreciation for all mankind might be a tall order, how about starting with the thought that other people have overcome unemployment and, in most cases, thrived in the aftermath?
Even where unemployment is unplanned, some people manage to turn it into a wonderful opportunity: think about the fact that many of us spend hours at work actually day-dreaming about the lives we would lead if we could just quit our jobs. If life hands you that blank canvass, use it to create a master-piece of your life. Resurrect your dreams and use your new-found autonomy to fulfil them.
Three ÔÇô cultivate positive feelings. Nobody enjoys feeling like a loser, or being disconnected from their power. But do you know why you feel lousy? It’s not because you lost your job, or that some people’s attitudes towards you have changed as a result, it’s because you allowed it to momentarily disconnect you from your greatness.
We were all born with the innate knowledge that we are remarkable; and when we were young, we accepted that there is nothing that we cannot be, do or have. The only thing that’s changed now is our belief in ourselves.
Today, reconnect with your power, by finding any thought that feels better. For example, examine your track record, and how you’ve managed to overcome difficulties in the past. Realise that you have the flexible schedule you’ve always wanted, but if a routine makes you feel more secure, do structure your days, around things that you love to do.
We are all works in progress; and life is about growing steadily. There will always be things in life that we want to improve. We’re never going to ‘arrive;’ and even if we do want and find a new job, there’ll always be something more that we desire.
Life is about the journey, not the destination. It’s not about never experiencing setbacks, but how we react to setbacks. Make your journey as joyful as possible; and know that out of the darkest moments come the sweetest victories. Use your difficult transition to imagine and create a victorious future.
Remember, “a pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill.
What optimistic vision will you adopt for your life?
Primrose Oteng is a Master of Applied Positive Psychology; and the Founder of the Positive Peace Project, an organization dedicated to creating positive change through personal empowerment. To find out more please contact [email protected].
