Sunday, May 22, 2022

Was it the Real Thing?

It’s amazing how many people are left open-mouthed after the demise of a deeply passionate affair.
When your soul is joined to another and your heartbeats are in sync, it seems unfathomable that such a divine partnership could ever expire. The molten ardor within you is so heightened, so acute, that the thought of separation is like a volcanic suicide.

Yet, we discover the art of survival when we are finally freed from that zone; fully-functioning human beings separate from that romantic tryst.

It makes me wonder then, why these euphoric stirrings of love convince us that we have found the one- even when it is clear that we have not. It makes me question why the remembrance of what we once had with someone- even if it was long ago- makes letting go so hard to do. In her song Running Back, Jessica Mauboy sings:

But I can’t move on
‘Cause that means forgetting… everything we had
Instead I keep running… back
‘Cause I keep forgetting… you treat me so bad
So I keep coming back
Souls bond for various reasons. We connect with others because they satisfy needs in us and we satisfy needs in them. I’ve always said that my perfect friend could be found only if you merged all my friends into one person.

We are multifaceted beings; but some facets of our personalities are held in higher regard than others.

For example, for some people, their greatest need is absolute emotional compatibility and understanding. They can overlook other things like humour and excitement, in favour of a telepathic, psychic understanding with their partner.

Once they meet someone who fits into this mold, they fall so hard; they enter a trance-like state where they are convinced they have met their soul mate. Likewise, some people value fun, excitement and light-hearted humour above all else. When they meet someone who takes them on a rollercoaster ride of whim and joyful indulgence, they are ready to plunge into the deep end.

Over time, they may realize that their partner isn’t there for them when times get rough, and they find themselves misunderstood when life’s emotions overwhelm them.

When irreparable cracks begin to surface, people begin to realize how starved they are in other areas of their life. The relationship may feel unbalanced and incompatibilities start to emerge. Still, based on the sweet moments the couple enjoyed together, and their history, this may not be enough to end the relationship. If they made you feel a certain way, and you gave each other your all, and you’ve been through so much together, they have to be the one- right?

Sheila, 26, was in a complex situation with a guy for years. He was the first person with whom she could let down the barriers that detached her from the surrounding world.

“I could be myself almost entirely. He never judged me; we both reasoned on high intellectual planes and even when we disagreed we shared that telepathic sense of understanding,” she cooed.
However, they were incompatible.

“We had walls between each other; we had different views and approaches towards life, we expressed passion differently and most of all, we didn’t spend enough time together. It was hard for me to get over him. I had never connected that way with anyone else. For that reason, I believed he was the one, he just had to be! Our time together was tense, interaction was strained and there was little common ground. We loved each other for no reason and there was very little amicability at times.”

It was when Sheila analysed what he brought into her life that she could let go.

“I was looking for someone who could lower my walls and connect with me on various levels simultaneously. Now that I have a clearer understanding about what I want and what I have to offer, I don’t merely have to settle.”

In this life it is so hard to get what you need. When someone gives you a small portion, you are willing to overlook what you deserve.

We often lack a basic understanding of our wants and needs; when caught in a rut we just settle.
I wish I knew what a soul mate is.

If souls bond then break away from others so often when things go wrong, then perhaps we are mating all the time. No one person can give you everything, so perhaps a true soul mate is one who bonds with us on most of the levels that we need. We all have rocky patches but they shouldn’t result in a total disconnect and perpetual misery. The bond should mature with age, even if the initial sparkle fades, it should simmer as it grows stronger.

If you’re only holding onto a memory then you are living in a tomb. You are clinging onto what was buried and carrying decaying matter into your present; setting the precedent for a future of emptiness. We only have the present and if someone can’t return your love then perhaps they don’t have a space in your future.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know this article is not exhaustive. There are numerous factors that interfere in people’s ability to love such as tragedies, financial issues etc; whatever is weighing on a person’s mind. Soul mates work through these issues in their own ways. I’m talking about a relationship that you have failed to resurrect and you can’t let go of. The ghost of such a union creeps into our daily lives and affects the way we function. Lack of concentration, loss of ambition and carrying unresolved issues into new relationships are ghostly manifestations.

If you can’t let go, ask yourself if the good times were enough to last you through. What was it about the good times you can’t get over? What did you gain and learn?

Chances are you’ll begin a process of learning more about yourself and what encompasses your character. Instead of being forever besotted with one situation, God will introduce you to new situations, activities and people.

We’re only human; this is all easier said than done. It can take years to actively come to some of these realisations! You define what your soul mate is. We’re all holding on to something, let’s not let it chew up all the time we should be using living our dreams.

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