Sunday, September 27, 2020

When we die!

My friends who are lawyers say business has been brisk. Ever since I suggested that every man should write a will instructing how his assets should be disposed of, they have been inundated.

It would seem many men have decided they don’t want any confusion when they finally kick the bucket.
But in an unexpected twist the lawyers say many women are also coming in.

Apparently, the women think a will outlining how they will be disposed of is a good idea.

Honestly, I did not expect women to embrace the idea with so much enthusiasm. I would have thought they would be more concerned about the financial aspects of the will. The question of who will inherit them seems to be something they have been wondering about. In fact, my lawyer friends say the women seem keener than their male counterparts. Coming to think of it, we should not be too surprised.

After all, women always look for stability and certainty in their lives. They want order. Women are always planning ahead.

In case something happens to their better half, they want their kids to stay in the same posh schools. They want to keep the house with the swimming pool.

In case honey dies, women want to make sure they hold onto the nice car.
To refresh your memory, my gem of an idea is that every man must draw up a will stipulating who inherits his partner upon his demise.

For me as a man, I wouldn’t want my partner inherited by someone I don’t like. I would be very unhappy if my kids see a useless man waking up with their mother simply because I am dead.

Certainly, I want my money and all my assets to be taken care of by somebody close to me. That is why my woman will be inherited by one of my close buddies. They know everything about me. They even know the bedroom protocol.

I am yet to decide which of my friends will inherit my partner. The choice remains a problem. Should I decide alone or must it be a mutual choice? Should I ask my partner whom she would want to be inherited by? I think the time has come for every couple to sit down and discuss this issue.
In order to avert any crises over the choice made by the male partner, it is imperative that couples reach an agreement with respect to whom the female partner will be bequeathed. But it cannot be a one way street.

Okay, women tend to outlive men because they lead a more careful lifestyle. Also, they are made of sterner stuff. I mean somebody who can bear children has to be tough. Hence they live longer.

But there are cases when a man will outlive his partner. To level the playing field I would want my partner to also state who should take over from her in case she dies before me. That is why I say this matter must be discussed by all couples.

Having reached a decision, the whole thing must then be put in a will. Both partners should have a will spelling out how they want to be disposed of.
I think most blokes would be curious to know who their partners consider the most suitable replacement. This being a complicated matter, it cannot be right for one partner to impose their preference. Rather they should come up with a slate of names and in an elimination process, finally settle on two names each.

The first name is the principal choice. The second name is the reserve name just in case the principal choice dies before the partner.

To be fair, I have been eyeing a few of my partner’s friends. I am hopeful that when we sit down to discuss the issue, we will agree on two particular girls I have been looking at.

Likewise, I am sure she has been looking at a few of my friends. I have no problem. It should be easy to settle on two of my buddies.

When we were kids we used to play house. There would be a daddy character and a mummy character. Then there would be kids. If I recall well, no one ever wanted to play kid. We all wanted to be daddy or mummy. This play acting was meant to prepare us for the same roles when we were grown up.
Well, I am thinking, a will on its own is not enough. I think in order for this thing to work, more effort needs to be put into the more practical aspects of it.

What do I suggest? Well, I am of the view that having decided on the names of people who will inherit our partners, we need to find out if they can actually hit it off. In other words, I want the friend chosen for me by my partner to decide if she can actually cope living with me.

I also want to determine if I can actually stand her.

So, what I suggest is that every month, my partner should allow me to spend one weekend with her friend. She would do everything my partner does. She would cook and do the laundry. She would scold the kids for not tidying up. She would play mummy.

In the evening, she would tuck in the kids and then make her way to the bedroom.

On the other hand, my partner would also be away at my friend’s place playing mummy. The weekend over, my partner would return home and her friend would also go away.
Like mature and educated people, my partner and I would compare notes. This would enable us to decide whether we want to change the names in the will.

My partner must make her choice quickly. Like I said, I have been eyeing two of her friends. Given that the idea seems to have caught on, I suggest that this weekend every couple must decide who they want their partners to live with when they are dead.

That done, the preferred choices must be informed. The lawyers must then be instructed to draw up a will. And by next weekend, we should all begin to play mummy and daddy with the people we are going to inherit when our partners are dead!


Read this week's paper

Sunday Standard September 27 – 3 October

Digital copy of Sunday Standard issue of September 27 - 3 October, 2020.