There was a time, not long ago, when domestic violence was strictly a two dimensional trend. It revolved around a male perpetrator and a female victim. In the last decade, however, as the social fabric has changed, the roles of victim and perpetrator have become reversible.
It is now common to hear of tales where a husband is a victim in a sordid domestic violence case. A third dimension, the children, is now part of the equation. In today’s trend of domestic violence cases, the children are labelled ‘the unintended victim’.
Psychologists say there are a lot of people with abusive tendencies, submissiveness, personality disorders and abnormal sexual tendencies. Many times, these are the very traits that feed the problem of domestic violence and abuse, where children become the unwitting victims.
Botswana’s Children’s Act defines a child as any person below the age of 18. At this stage, children are dependents who live under the same roof as their parents. In households where both parents are present, these dependents are likely to witness spousal conflict. All things being equal, this conflict will happen during a time when both the parents and children are home from work and school respectively.
Though many parents tend to think that they are hiding their rows from their children, they fail to understand that children are very sensitive to tension in the household. Should they detect any, they will act out, their action depending on factors such as environment, exposure and age.
“Personality development is a function of different aspects and one of them is the environment,” says Kefentse Mzwinila, a psychologist. “Children require a stable and structured environment in order to develop normally. In a violent and abusive environment there is a higher probability for maladaptive personality development. If they are exposed to violence and abuse then their thresholds and acceptance of these will tend to be abnormal; in other exposure to abuse and violence can make the child more vulnerable to practising and demonstrating such behaviour.”
Here in Botswana there are structures like Childline Botswana set up to aide in the protection of children against any kind of abuse or exposure to it. Kesego Rabatoko, a social worker at Childline Botswana explained that, “Childline Botswana’s mandate is to eliminate the number of child abuse cases in Botswana; it does so by generally educating the public about issues of child abuse and neglect and by advocating for these children’s rights. It also provides face to face counseling for children who have been abused; it helps such children understand situations that they have gone through and that it is not their fault that it happened. It also prepares these children for court if their cases ever reach court. Childline also has a place of safety which houses temporarily children who have been abused while their families are being prepared to welcome the children back into the homestead. It also links these children’s families to organizations and agencies that do help in that regard.”
When assessing the root of domestic violence, a paper titled “The Dynamics of Domestic Violence against Women in Botswana” by Dr Godisang Mookodi of the Department of Sociology from the University of Botswana suggests that,”Gender inequality is characterised by unequal power relations between women and men. One of the key manifestations of these unequal power relations is violence. Studies conducted in Botswana indicate that actual violence and threats of violence against women severely hamper the achievement of gender equality.
“This paper presents the results of national studies on the extent and nature of violence against women. The studies reveal that most cases of violence are domestic ÔÇô committed by men against their wives or cohabiting partners.” Through this there are innocent children caught in the crossfire of embattled parents and often carry emotional scars for the rest of their lives.
Regarding personality and sexual tendencies, Mzwinila further indicates that, “In terms of sexuality and abuse. There is a clear relationship between sexual abuse and issues of the sexuality of the survivor. The issues stem around either sexual desire or sexual performance, and the point is that the sexual abuse leaves a permanent tragedy in the survivor. Other disorders tend to be functional to the sexual abuse such as mood disorders and even the personality disorders.?In terms of verbal and physical abuse affecting sexuality there is a relationship but it’s not as direct as with sexual abuse and sexuality. The relationship is that abuse affects the self worth of the individual, and as a result in some cases the survivor’s feelings of diminished self worth affect usual sexual development and sexual expression.”
This dispels the myth that sexuality is directly related to the outcome of one’s sexual preferences. However Rabatoko is of the notion that, “Sexuality is influenced by many factors such as religion, culture, fashion, parenting and socialization among others. And whether a person becomes a homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual boils down to what the individual decides regardless of the many factors that are contributory. But like we highlighted above, violence and abuse has immense psychological effects and if a person does not receive any form of therapy in time they may choose to deviate from the normal way of living as the society sees it.”
A lot of researchers across the globe have witnessed a recurring cycle in children who witness domestic violence and do not get the necessary counselling in that the boy child develops abusive tendencies and the girl child has submissive tendencies. Mzwinila however explains that, “Research and practice have shown that men tend to externalise their anger and pain in the form of aggression, while females tend to internalise the pain and suffering in the form of submission/dependence and depression. Of course these are generalisations but there is a trend. In maladaptive personality development something has gone wrong from the expected and normal development; the coping resources of the male can thus include aggression as the usual and normal pathway has been affected, and if you look at disorders such as antisocial personality disorder one of the features is heightened aggression, and most cases of antisocial personality disorder tend to be males. Conversely, if you look at borderline, dependent, and histrionic disorders one of the main elements is submissiveness, and most of the diagnoses for these disorders are females.”
According to Rabatoko, Childline Botswana’s mandate is to eliminate the number of child abuse cases in Botswana; it does so by generally educating the public about issues of child abuse and neglect and by advocating for these children’s rights. It also provides face to face counselling for children who have been abused; it helps such children understand situations that they have gone through and that it is not their fault that it happened. It also prepares these children for court if their cases ever reach court. Childline also has a place of safety which houses temporarily children who have been abused while their families are being prepared to welcome the children back into the homestead. It also links these children’s families to organizations and agencies that do help in that regard. So it is up to the members of the community to report instances of even the slightest bit of suspicion of detrimental living conditions. Childline Botswana in conjunction with the relevant authorities will ensure that the children are taken care of.
