Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Marriages of convenience are destroying matrimonial fabric

Marriage used to be a blessed union, something that everyone looked forward to but, as time passed, its essence become so diluted that many people opted not to marry, to avoid facing divorce or unhappiness.

One wonders what has happened; is it because the motives to marry have changed?

People marry because they love one another and want to stay together for life.

Is it possible to love today and not love tomorrow? I always thought the love between a man and a woman stretches.

When I talk of love please don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about lust. What I have observed is quite amazing.
Most of these marriages are not the marriages that we used know .Marriages of convenience have replaced what is known as the ideal marriage.

The previous honorable intensions for marriage have totally disappeared into the cloud of selfishness and consumerism on the part of women. The love for money has seen most women marrying men they do not love but to just get their hands on their money.
Usually these women are refereed to as gold diggers. Once they get their hands on the money, they look for other men whom they truly love and have a relationship.

Women have become so selfish that they do not even care for the husband and the children.

In our African society, a woman who is not married has practically no role in society. They believe the woman is the flower in the garden and the husband is the fence around it. With this set up, most women are now getting married to have a social standing and to have the dignity associated with marriage.

However most of these marriages, because of a wrong foundation, have ended in divorce due to the unhappiness they encountered in the marriage. True marital happiness requires that both husband and wife be well matched in mind and body and that they be compatible and easy to get along with.
This is not to say that men are vulnerable with women taking advantage of them.

No, men are the master minds of devising deceitfulness.

Their motives for marrying are not for love. One man I talked to said he got married to please parents and relatives, who were nagging him that he was getting a little too old.
Surely, men should tell us if that is good enough a reason to marry someone.

The economic constraints in some of our neighbouring countries have seen many people flocking into Botswana in search of greener pastures. Some of the men and women left their families back home. This separation from one’s family has seen the emergence of some marriages of convenience.

Some of the foreign brothers that I have come across have married Batswana women not because they love them but to access the benefits that come with marrying a citizen.

The majority of these men have wives back in their countries but when they come here they play single and take advantage of these vulnerable women. As if that’s not enough, after marrying our sisters and acquiring the benefits, they go on to use those benefits on other “small houses”.

Women need to be very sure before they marry some of these foreign brothers. Even our local men are not exempted; the lazy, unsuccessful men will seek to marry a successful woman and get the money from her and splash it with girlfriends, while the wife is sweating to get the money.

One other thing worth mentioning is the type of marriages between some Zimbabweans. I am particularly referring to the couples staying in unfinished structures around town.

Surely how can you meet today and get married in the evening and stay together for one year. At the end of the year, both man and woman go home to their respective families.

Are these “marriages” really necessary brethren? I don’t think so; you are just spreading diseases and causing a lot of heart breaks to the children and your partners.

Marriages of convenience are also being witnessed in our tertiary institutions.

Poverty has driven most of the students to engage in these so called marriages. A girl can live with his so-called husband for a full semester sharing the same bed and having sex, washing clothes for the husband, cooking, practically doing the duties of a wife.

In turn she will be getting food, money to buy clothes, and such like.
Needless to say, this has affected the academic performance of many students as they are forced to play husband or wife at the wrong time and for the wrong reasons.

Marriages of convenience have done society more harm than good.

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The Telegraph September 30

Digital edition of The Telegraph, September 30, 2020.