Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Mother’s betrayal is the worst of them all

Almost every day, someone complains about having been betrayed by a friend or family member and how she never thought they could do that to her/him.
The betrayed person would become so distressed over the betrayal that she would swear never to speak to that person again.

But what really is betrayal?
Betrayal is the breaking or violation of one’s trust, or confidence that produces conflict within a relationship amongst individuals.

Often, betrayal is a complete break from previously decided upon rules by one party from the others and someone who betrays others is commonly called a traitor or betrayer. In most cases friends are the most accused at having betrayed the other.

That being so because there are a lot of things we communicate with our friends, some of which we want them to be secretive with and once they spill the beans we feel they have completely gone way out of line.

Betrayal can also come in different pretexts.

It can be when someone lies to you, when a partner betrays you, when let down by someone you truly trusted and when you discover some things about your parents you never thought they could or might have done and got involved in.

Further, often we betray others by making promises and not being able to keep them because we are just too over extended. In most cases, we can even betray ourselves; not being honest and truthful with yourself.

All these betrayals require sensitivity, honesty and apologies. It’s part of life.

But what could be the worst betrayal?
On my own, I would say it is self betrayal, that being so because if you cannot be truthful to yourself, whom do you expect to be truthful to? It all starts within because to be able to achieve certain things, you ought to practice with yourself.

Just like with other moral values such as respect and love; to whole heartedly love and respect someone else it ought to start with you treating yourself that way. Appreciate yourself and you will be able to appreciate others.
However, to some people self betrayal is nothing compared to motherly betrayal.

In an interview with one Ewetse Phineas, she noted that motherly betrayal can totally crush you. She told me that betrayal is when someone has done you something you never thought they would do.

“To me betrayal is when something you least expected is done unto you and now imagine that having been done by your mother?” she said.

Phineas narrated that a mother will always be in your life hence some things will be very difficult to ignore.

“As your parent, she is supposed to protect you and you will never expect the worst from her as you are stuck with her for life. Every time you have a problem you run back to her and if she has betrayed you in any way it really hurts,” she added.

Betrayal also badly affect people, the most immediate effect of betrayal being the emotional impact on the person betrayed. Generally speaking, the greater the trust that you had put in the other person, the greater the impact their betrayal has on you, the greater the distress you will feel. A number of different emotions may be felt upon realizing you have been betrayed.

You are also most likely to feel anger, depending on the situation, and you might also have fear of loss of the relationship and disgust at the lack of integrity of the other person. In addition, when you are betrayed by someone, it is highly likely that you will not easily trust them again. Trust is fragile and can be lost instantly and who wants to end and erode a long-earned trust?

If you betray someone, it is often best to come clean. Accept responsibility for personal failure and personally apologize. Demonstrate how you will fix your failure and offer compensation. Some relationships are worth fighting for, especially mother/daughter or mother/son relationships. You will always be there for each other and it is best that there is good blood for a healthy relationship.

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The Telegraph September 30

Digital edition of The Telegraph, September 30, 2020.