Sunday, September 27, 2020

We want the 70 percent levy now!

This is it. We cannot just stand by idly and watch. It is time we stood up and did something.

There is no way we can allow the government to get away with it. Surely, the government can’t be serious. Just why do they do this to us? So angry am I that I am thinking mightily dangerous thoughts. But I guess cool heads have to prevail.
We must all be calm and work out a response. I mean this thing affects so many of us.

Now is not the time to sit back and expect other people to fight the battle alone. Everyone who is upset by this decision must stand up and be counted. After all, if we succeed, we all benefit. It would be unfair for some people to enjoy the fruits of our labour without raising a sweat.
I am thinking of various things.

First of all, this country is a democracy. When the leaders show prejudice against one section of society, the aggrieved must plead their case through peaceful means. But I am so angry I have the mind to suggest violent means to make our plight heard. Anyway I think we must resort to violence as a last resort. For now, let’s try peaceful persuasion.
So, chaps, I am of the mind that we must draft a petition to the government. Here I don’t mean a petition received by some lowly flunky in the civil service. Ours must go right to the top. The guy in charge of this country must receive it personally. It must be well argued, clearly articulating our frustrations and what we want him to do.

I mean I don’t trust these civil servants. We might hand over the petition, only for them to lose it or spill tea or tripe on it. After all, that is what they spend most of their time doing. Either they are on the phone, eating tripe or drinking tea in air-conditioned offices.
I am so mad. Just why does the government do this to us? Things were moving along so nicely just a few days ago. It was all systems go. Now this, when we were getting ready for the time of our lives. I would like to find out who talked the government into backing down. We need a date with the smart alec. Just to teach him a lesson he will never forget.

Look at it this way. I know of many chaps who were planning to file for divorce. Others were about to quit their relationships, children notwithstanding. For once, I thought the government had realised the deprivation we middle aged men go through. I was so happy I was going to vote for this government my entire life. As for the bloke who said the president should rule for fifteen years, that’s child play. I was going to suggest the president should rule forever. And what is wrong with it? Everyone in this country comes from a village. And the last time I checked the village chiefs ruled forever.
Now with this new decision I have changed my mind. The government will have to convince me they deserve my vote.

As for the president, well ten years is just enough for him. I am absolutely livid. I know who is happy. It is the wives and girlfriends. The other lot that is beaming from ear to ear are young men. The seventy percent levy was the best policy ever dreamt up by the government. For us middle aged men with sagging bellies and receding hairlines, it would have meant we are back in business.

C’mon fellas how many of you remember the last time a young girl gave you an audience. The pretty young things in this country have no time for us. The problem is that booze is too cheap. Anyone can afford to buy a girl a drink. Take university male students. They can drink us under the table on the strength of their stipend, and still walk away with the girl. They don’t even show some respect to us the taxpayers.

You know am now thinking if the petition fails we must stop paying tax. It doesn’t make sense. How do you pay tax to sustain little boys who take all the nice girls? Like I said before, the problem with this country is cheap alcohol. And here I am not talking about clear beer only. Where else have you seen students, the unemployed and the great unwashed drinking brandy and whisky? It happens here. Only in this country. Not even in Scotland where the stuff comes from. As for beer they swim in it.
Everyone considers themselves a big shot because they can afford booze. If this levy had been introduced it was going to separate men from boys. The pretty young things would have had to make a decision. Either they stuck with their little boyfriends who are forever broke or they smelt the coffee, or rather the fine whisky and started frolicking with us. We have money and we drive nice cars. But the kids just don’t seem to have much time for us. In the off chance one gives you a hearing, they don’t want anyone to know because their friends will laugh.

I am sick and tired of this discrimination. Coming to think of it, I doubt the petition will bring about immediate results. Even if the big man receives it, he would have to sit down and discuss it with the same officials we want to avoid.

Perhaps the best option is to drag the government to court to sue for loss of comforts. A smart, middle aged judge who shares our anger can order the government to immediately impose the levy. That is all we want from the government. We have no quarrel. We want the seventy percent levy now because we can’t wait to enjoy a nice time with the young things.

It is important that our application goes before a judge our age. Just in case there is a counter application by our wives and girlfriends, he would know what to do. I can’t even go out for a drink this week-end. The sight of young men celebrating the postponement of the booze levy with their nice little girlfriends might drive me to do something I will live to regret. I know many middle aged blokes who are similarly angry and frustrated at the postponement. This is a bad time for us. Terrible time. We want the seventy percent levy now!


Read this week's paper

Sunday Standard September 27 – 3 October

Digital copy of Sunday Standard issue of September 27 - 3 October, 2020.