Monday, November 29, 2021

When a man is abused

What began as a peaceful meeting of two people who share a child ended as a rare and unlikely incident of a man being on the receiving end of domestic violence from his former partner when he refused to give in to her demands for reconciliation.

In most instances at the mere mention of the words, ‘Gender based Violence’ one tends to think of women being abused by men. Yet n the other hand domestic violence against men has been around for a while but however it has been hidden quite well by the victims in aid of protecting their ‘manhood.’

“I have been physically abused by a woman,” states Peter Gabriel* a young man in his early thirties who chose to speak on condition of anonymity for fear of victimization. He explains that he had been in a relationship for four years and even had a child with the lady and they were planning a future together when she cheated on him.

“I had beaten her up before and I did not want to do it again so I just walked away from the situation,” Gabriel said.

The woman later pursued him and requested that they meet to sort things out in a public place which he thought was a great idea since there would be a lot of people present.

“Our meeting did not go as she had thought it would as I would not take her back, she resorted to screaming and shouting and I just ignored her and that was when she pelted me repeatedly with her very large hand bag.”

Gabriel claims that he proceeded to his vehicle when the lady ran after him and got into the car. His intention was to drive to the outskirts of town, beat up the lady and leave her in the bush.

“As I drove out, I thought about my idea and decided against, I then proceeded to the nearest police station and plead my case to the policemen on duty where I was welcomed by snide remarks suggesting my manhood or lack of it.”

The woman continued to hurl obscenities at him and told anyone who cared to listen about her intentions not to leave Gabriel alone.

“I was told in order for them to arrest her I should make a statement which I did and left her there. She stayed the night in a police cell and our case was heard the next day at the customary court where she was sentenced to four month imprisonment,” he said.

There are many stories like Gabriel’s which go unreported, the more common and obvious ones are those of men being abused emotional and verbally by women.

Abusive women are also able to use the bias of family courts to deny them rights to see their children and even financially abuse men through them.

Jennifer Freyd, a doctor from Canada, devised the acronym DARVO (Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender) to illustrate the manner in which some abusive women react and end up playing the victim and can even go as far as crying to garner sympathy from people handling their case.
Both men and women can be victims of domestic violence the only difference is very few men report their cases.

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