“Is it now not the time to re-imagine the potency and the toxic environment men are subjected to”, he asked. This dear reader should not touch a nerve and in no clear terms should it be misconstrued to be anti-child support and maintenance. Now is the time, to pay careful attention to talk about sensitive issues as why men do not know how to react when they are provoked. Focus on the issues that why some men commit suicide and or end up in a state of helplessness due the abuse they are subjected to by baby mamas and or ex-wives and partners. Pay heed to their voices. Your opportunity dear reader is to fashion the hybrid virtual model that best fits cognitively and let it give birth to a new shared culture for understanding the silent voices of men their stability, social cohesion and identity.
According to the Children’s Act, in Botswana, an unmarried or separated father not living in a permanent life partnership with the mother of their child or children, must satisfy certain criteria in order to acquire full parental rights and responsibilities with respect to their children. He consents to be identified or successfully applies in terms of the Children’s Act to be identified as the father or pays damages in terms of customary laws and he contributes to or has attempted in good faith to contribute to, the child’s upbringing for a reasonable period.
Various studies have shown that men do not know how to react when they are provoked and in the process resorts to barbaric acts and some instances even driven to committing suicide. Why do men commit suicide and resort to GBV? Whilst the inclusion of the payment of damages for the pregnancy and or childbearing by the women appears to reflect a policy and legislative endorsement of Tswana traditional cultural practice, what is of concern is that this could serve to exclude the fathers who are unable to afford the payment.
Botswana is governed by the Constitution, adopted in 1966. This is the highest law of the land from which all legislation derives its authority. As with many countries around the world, Botswana is a signatory to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. This Convention, born of the earlier Geneva Declaration of the Rights of the Child, is one of the international treaties that govern the rights of children and the roles, rights and responsibilities of parents. Similarly, the African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of the Child is a continental agreement which Botswana has signed and ratified, which makes provision for the rights of children, and parental rights and responsibilities. Accordingly, these international instruments require states to ensure that these rights are protected and adhered to. At the core of these international instruments are rights relating to non-discrimination, rights to life, survival and development, the child’s participation and the best interests of the child. Through these legal systems, responsibility lies with the parents, families, community, as well as the state, to ensure that the rights of children are upheld and fully realised. In Botswana for some, the law is an avenue through which they can access and exercise their rights of contact with their children.
Biological fathers do not have automatic parental rights regarding their children. The Children’s Act does consider the biological fathers regardless of their marital status to the mother at the time of conception, at birth, and after birth. However, unmarried, separated and or divorced fathers can acquire their rights through an agreement, as well as through the courts. This status quo emphasises the fact that marriage is prioritised, if not encouraged, by the country’s legal system.
For unmarried fathers, who often face the most legislative challenges, these responsibilities and rights are not acquired automatically, as clearly outlined in the Act. Denying fathers contact with their children may result in the father’s absence becoming a vicious cycle. Although father absence is often fused with father non-residence this phenomenon seems to be on the rise in Botswana. According to various literature resources father’s absence may have negative consequences in terms of child development and overall well-being. Fathers play various significant roles in the sexual, moral, cognitive development of children.
Father’s absent households are likely to suffer financial difficulties where the father was the breadwinner. Broken relationships between parents have been cited as one of the key factors that lead to mothers denying fathers their parental rights and opportunities to discharge their parental responsibilities.
In Botswana, various stories have been told that some mothers often refuse to share parenting responsibilities with fathers after divorce or separation and purposefully exclude the fathers from involvement in the lives of the children. As a result of this large number of children grow up without their fathers due to contact being denied as a result of a separation between the parents. This means the widely accepted principle that it is usually in the best interest of the child to have an ongoing relationship with both parents is disregarded by the mothers of the children. This becomes even more of a heavy burden for fathers to negotiate their rights of contact when mothers are involved with new partners. These factors include:
Cultural factors: The reasons often associated with fathers being denied their rights of contact with their children are interlinked with many other circumstances. In many cases fathers find themselves estranged from their children because of their inability to pay towards customary practices such as lobola or Tshenyo. According to the literature customary practices cannot be separated from economic factors, because if the father is unemployed, it would likely mean that he could not afford to fulfil such expectations. Under customary law, the payment of damages is seen by the families as an acknowledgment of paternity, but, in terms of current provisions of the Children’s Act, it is not necessarily sufficient for the acquisition of full parental rights.
In the case of Tswana culture and custom a father usually has to pay an additional cow or cash equivalent, for the child’s upkeep, in order to enable him to have a relationship with his child. However, the aforementioned factors do not justify the mother of a child or her family denying the father his rights of contact. It can thus be argued that the requirement to pay Tshenyo / Tlhagela (damages) is not congruent with the Children’s Act. Moreover, in the old Tswana culture and custom and social traditions, children are valued by the whole family. This means that extended families sometimes play a huge role in raising children, more especially when the father or mother of the child cannot afford to provide for them. In such circumstances, negotiating one’s right of contact can be made even more difficult and one might argue precariously verging on child trafficking due to the exorbitant price.
Dysfunctional broken relationship between the mother and father is another reason for fathers being denied rights of contact, this relates to the breakdown of the relationship between the two parents. These breeds underhanded motives with the desire to punish and denying the father the right to access to the children. Conflict ridden relationships, desire for vengeance after the collapse of a relationship, resentment, and lack of proper communication, often result in fathers’ restricted contact with their children or complete exclusion.
Furthermore, some fathers find it difficult to negotiate contact once their former partner develops a new relationship and or weds. Negotiating contact become problematic due to former partners moving on to other relationships and leaving the children with grandparents or having new fathers and yet wanting to milk dry the biological father. It can thus be concluded that conflict related to the breakdown of the relationship between parents is an important contributory factor to contact being denied, as parents may be too preoccupied with fighting each other to respect each other’s rights and responsibilities in relation to the child.
Economic status of the father and child maintenance issues are also a leading contributor in denying access to the child. Unemployed fathers as well as those with low paying or non-permanent work, often find it difficult to fulfil the provider role that much of society still considers primary for fathers. Many men cannot survive such economic pressures and that these may negatively affect their relationship with the mother of their children to such an extent that they become alienated.
However, it is acknowledged that many women also face the same high levels of unemployment and poverty, but still ensure that they are responsible and present mothers. The differences in how men and women deal with the inability to provide for their children can perhaps be understood in terms of the different social expectations, gender roles and harmful notions of masculinity that exist in a patriarchal society. Therefore, it is important to acknowledge that as much as failure to pay one’s child maintenance is unlawful the same can be said about denying a father contact because of his failure to pay maintenance.
Thabo Lucas Seleke, Doctoral Candidate LSHTM, UK
