Sunday, April 11, 2021

Women, learn from Valentine’s Day

So Valentine’s Day is over. I am yet to make an evaluation. But I am certain that, in its aftermath, there is both new found happiness and broken hearts. On Thursday morning, lots of people were not only nursing hangovers but also surveying wrecks of their former lives. As an iconoclast I don’t celebrate any of these occasions. It’s not as if I have anything against Mr Valentine. I mean, I don’t do more serious things. I don’t go to church. That is not because I have issues with God. Far from that. I am too scared of God to have any issues with him. I just prefer to keep my distance from the man and his buildings. I don’t even concern myself with questions of whether God exists or not. I am not into that. I simply go about my life and allow those who go to church to do so. Okay, there was a time when I felt I could go into religion. But for me the purpose would have been purely commercial. I like the good things in life.

It has not escaped my notice that some of the people who live large in this world are religious leaders. But the Nigerians beat me to it. Now every neighbourhood in this country has a church run by a charismatic Nigerian pastor. They cornered the market and I had to think of other ways to make that first million. Although I want to make bundles of money, I want to do it in a clean way. The idea of learning to speak in tongues and mastering the trick of frothing at the mouth, all in pursuit of fleecing gullible people of their hard earned money just turned me off. But religion is big in this country. I read somewhere that if a church group applies for a plot they are given priority. I suppose religion serves a useful function in the lives of many people. Imagine if people went through life without any fear of Satan turning them into succulent steaks in hell. The world would be upside down. But it is clear that Valentine’s Day is very popular in its own right. In fact, I think on that one day Valentine’s Day is bigger than religion.

There is something magical about the day. From early in the morning, its adherents walk around wearing goofy expressions on their faces. They look forward to the adventures ahead. First, of course, is the roses. Florists make a roaring trade on Valentine’s Day. On that day alone, I guess they make more money than they do in a year. The reason for the ringing tills is because lots of roses have to be sent to lots of people. It is not a simple case of one chap sending roses to his partner. No chance. On Valentine’s Day chaps send out as many roses as there are partners and small houses. A chap will make sure that after sending to the wife, more deliveries are made to the small houses. The small houses are not small because they are foolish. They also have other chaps on the side. So you often get the comical situation where in one office, a woman gets about five deliveries of roses from five boy friends. For chaps that are not careful there are reported instances of roses directed to the small house landing on the wife’s desk. It is all hilarious when you look at it. For me, its hilarious because I don’t understand the fetish for roses. But Valentine’s Day has its tragic episodes. Many couples break up on the big day when they realise there are younger partners on the side. It is the younger girls who wreak so much havoc. It is a matter of fact that every man wants a woman younger than his partner. So, some men take the risk of sending perfume and roses to the younger girl which mistakenly end up delivered to the wife instead. But the reason Valentine’s Day is bigger than religion is because of the tantalising prospects for pleasures of the flesh. I have now come to the conclusion that people go out of their way to celebrate the day because it promises sex at the end. Forget love. There is nothing like that. If a couple is in love why should they wait for Valentine’s Day to show it? When a man spends his money on a woman it is because he wants sex.

No man ever spends money unless they can get laid. And that is precisely my point. Women should learn from Valentine’s Day. If a man can pay so much for sex on this one special day, why can’t he be made to pay for it every day or at least on a regular basis? I just don’t understand women. They are always eager to dish it out for free. All they want is to be told those three little words and that is enough. Like I have said before if only many more women knew the basic principle of economics then life would be so much better for them. In economics, the more precious a commodity is the more expensive it is. Just why women give out a precious commodity for free still baffles me.

Valentine’s Day should teach women a lesson. It must show them that they are valuable. It must demonstrate how precious they are. Valentine’s Day should teach women basic economics about supply and demand. I hope that from now onwards all women realise that nothing is for free. They must tell their partners to always pay in return for any sexual favours. I know some people would call that prostitution. But the word prostitute was invented by man to get free sex. The word was created to make smart, hard working women feel ashamed and so dish it out for free. A male person is the biggest con artist in the world. The moment the words ‘I love you’ and ‘prostitute’ entered the lexicon, it was all over for women. I accept that some regard Valentine’s Day as a time to express love for each other. Some see it as an opportunity to get a fresh lay. But for women, it must be a time for reflection. It should be a time for them to reclaim their economic might. It is time for women to get paid for what a man loves most. C’mon you sisters out there. Make them pay!


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