Monday, September 21, 2020

Good luck Obama!

These are the best of times. But they could turn into the worst of times. Just this week, America changed forever when Barack Obama became the first person of colour to officially run for president of that glorious country. I say ‘person of colour’ because the blacks are eager to claim the man as one of their own. Granted, his father was African. But his mother was white. That gives him a mixed heritage and if he is considered black, then by the same token he can pass for white. The other thing is that his stepfather was Indonesian. That gives him another identity. So, much as every single black person on earth wants to celebrate and drink in his honour, Obama’s identity is complex and does not fall into neat categories as we would wish. I know not all whites are eager to claim him.

That is perfectly understandable. They have been in power in America for ages and no matter what happens they will still run the show because they own the country. Admittedly some of them are worried the country will fall into the wrong hands in Obama. That said, I think I understand why all the blacks are excited. In fact, I know why Africans are delirious with joy. When they see Obama they see a ticket into America. But, being the cynic I am, I am not sure things will be so easy. I mean, the only time Obama visited these shores was when he came to check on his granny in Kenya. From what we heard, his advisers later told him it was a bad move. Thinking his visit would be a good photo opportunity to show he was unashamed to reconnect with his roots, the whole sojourn descended into chaos when it was hijacked by the villagers. Apparently, thousands showed up in his granny’s yard.

Old geezers who all claimed to be uncles wanted to impart words of wisdom on how he should run America should he become president. Before they could do so, they demanded a few beverages and some old shoes and winter coats. In turn, the whole village demanded a feast. Obama’s advisers were sweating trying to find a goat to be slaughtered. They were also concerned about the health of the man because goats reared in many settlements on this continent are known to supplement their diet with discarded condoms. Now imagine the next president of the mighty United States feasting on succulent steaks from a goat that a few hours ago had been happily munching on used condoms. Anyway, I don’t know if Obama will win the elections in the race to replace my favourite man, Georgie. I look at that Obama character and dismiss him as a wimp. I mean, I don’t see Obama waging war on any of our enemies. America has lots of enemies. And because I love America her friends are my friends, and her enemies are my enemies. Now, I want a president who will make sure all the little rogues who insult and abuse America pay for their impertinence. Frankly, I don’t see Obama having the stomach to fight our enemies. Anyway, for some, his presidency will bring good things. I am sure the day he settles in the White House the granny and fellow members of her local burial society will visit. A few of the fictitious uncles will follow suit. Some aunts will claim to be too busy running their market stalls and instead send their kids over to the White House to be educated by their cousin. Remarkably, all the Africans who have been busy insulting America and siding with the likes of Saddam now love America. I know of people who are already borrowing money to move to America the day Obama wins the elections. Well, Obama had better be careful because this spells trouble. You see, the moment Obama opens the border to all the Africans to settle in America will be the end of his presidency.

They will arrive in the States and start singing boisterously whenever they have had a few. They will move around in groups and refuse to pay for drinks because their cousin is president. And, by the way, every African in America will be claiming some kinship with Obama. That will make the black Americans feel jealous and fights will break out between them and the blacks from Africa. Obama will be in trouble. The Africans will want him to side with them because his dad was from here. On the other hand, the black Americans will remind him he is their president, and not the president of Africa. The whites, banished from power, will sigh and mutter about how a goat was slaughtered on the lawns of the White House by one of the visiting nephews. They will demand their campaign money back. And before we know it, Obama’s Indonesian relatives will also insist on coming to America. They will claim that were it not for their countryman who raised the boy when his real papa abandoned the family and returned to his cousins in the village, Obama would be nowhere. Now, that is a strong case. Not only that, they would also demand the eviction of the Africans who had been sleeping in the lounge so that they too can move in and enjoy the White House.

Worried by this strong claim, the blacks, from Africa and America, will have a truce and gang up against the Indonesians as everyone claims a piece of Obama. I don’t envy the man. I just foresee trouble for him. Fighting for a piece of the man will intensify so much that a young Kenyan lass will one day appear on television, with a beautiful little infant, citing Obama as the dad. She will allege Obama and she had a bit of fun when he came to Africa to visit his granny. The girl will probably be lying. Before long an Indonesian maiden will also make an appearance with a cute little kid, also cited as Obama’s. The only thing I can say to Obama as he moves a step closer to the White House is good luck. With all your African, Indonesian and American kin hovering around, you are going to need lots of luck the day you win. Trouble is coming your way!


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