Saturday, September 19, 2020

Obama for President of the United States (Part 2)

Towards the end of his first term in office, Barack Obama is a worried man. No president of America ever steps down after one term. They always go for a second term. Obama is worried by many things. The polls show that the American people have had enough of him. More than half are outright hostile.

They want him out of office. In a way, Obama feels it?s totally unfair. Throughout his four years, he has never invaded any country. He long pulled the troops out of Iraq. American people are loved all over the world once again. He has done so well to repair America?s relations with the world that wherever he goes many people turn out to cheer and wave. That is in total contrast to the days of George Bush whose every international visit drew throngs of demonstrators. In terms of social policies, Obama has done a lot. He has even convinced rap musicians not to use vulgar language and to dress properly.

Everyone should really be happy. But the polls show otherwise. It would seem the problem is Obama?s extended family. Back when he won the elections, the extended family was seen as a novelty. The press used to write nice stories about them. They were always on television. The American people were fascinated by Obama?s African family. How could a person have so many relatives? But now four years down the line, they are sick and tired of the family. It would seem the family fell out with America that day when Obama returned from a summit on global warming. The uncles had decided to slaughter a goat to welcome him back.

The deed was captured on video by one of the tourists who like to visit the White House. When the video came out it caused a sensation. It showed the elder uncle sharpening a long knife. The goat was tethered to a tree on the lush lawns of the White House. What upset Americans more than anything else was that the goat was bleating loudly? As it was bleating, the younger uncle stabbed it. Yep, he stabbed it to death. The American people just could not understand why the two men were killing a pet. When they arrived from Africa, Obama had failed to tell the uncles what not to do in America. Whilst in Africa, people eat goat meat, in America the animals are seen as pets. The video showed the slaughter of the goat, with all the gory detail. It did not end there. The uncles had built a big fire on which a pot was boiling. They were shown skinning the goat and chucking some pieces into the pot. They were shown cooking the head and the entrails.

The American people were shocked when they saw the entrails being cooked and one of the uncles telling the other how Obama just loved entrails. It was a serious scandal. No matter what his spin doctors tried to do, the American people were upset. Investigators from the anti animal cruelty society were on the case. It was a bad time. Some people were even saying Obama should be impeached. It was suggested to the uncles that they go back to Kenya. But they refused. They were not going anywhere. They could not understand the fuss. What is wrong with people slaughtering and eating goat meat? That was not all. Obama?s grandmother had come for the inauguration, and stayed. She had brought along members of her burial society. Although the American people loved her at the beginning, the love affair was now over. She had apparently thrashed Obama?s youngest child for being naughty.

On talk shows callers were saying how cruel she was. They wondered why she had not sent the boy upstairs to his room. After all that is what they do to naughty children in America. The grandmother could not understand the fuss either. She had thrashed Obama?s father when he was young. Obama was lucky he was born in America. Why couldn?t she thrash Obama?s son? It was so bad some children?s rights groups were even advocating for the child to be taken into care. The First Lady?s relatives had stopped visiting long ago. They couldn?t stand the noise and the crowding. All the bed rooms in the White House were full. The guest wing had been extended but still couldn?t cope. Some of the nephews had resorted to sleeping on the lawn. But there was a problem when it rained. So they would sleep in the dining room. It was too much for the American people. How could people sleep in the dining room? The nephews were very rowdy when drunk.

They would sing traditional songs and dance in a strange way. Initially, the American people loved the nephews because they represented a different way of life. But it was now too much. One of the nephews was even reported to have removed a gold fish from the pond and fried it. It was serious because the fish was a gift from the prime minister of Japan to the American president. The nephew was especially troublesome. He was known to wear some of Obama?s clothing. After all that is what happens in Africa. Cousins share clothing and shoes. The opposition was in high spirits. It was clear if the polls continued in their trend, Obama was going to lose. Even within his party some were proposing that he step down. Because of his extended family he was now a liability.

Foreign statesmen were finding excuses not to visit the White House. If you visit the White House, you have to dine there. Now how could they eat in a dining room in which people were known to sleep? One of the domestic staff had resigned when she realised that the extended family used their hands to eat. They did not care to use cutlery. It was clear that if he didn?t do something about the family, Obama would never see a second term. The First Lady was threatening divorce because one of the burial society ladies had taken to wearing her clothes. It was bad. And poor Obama regretted the day he decided to reconnect with his African roots!


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Sunday Standard September 20 – 26

Digital copy of Sunday Standard issue of September 20 - 26, 2020.