Saturday, September 19, 2020

Inside the mind of a stalker: man’s point of view

In response to the woman’s angle offered by my colleague, Kagiso Madibana, last week on the related subject matter I wish to offer some perspectives from a different light.

Stalking, without its gross connotations of being overly obsessed about a person to the point of being a nuisance, is an art for guys. One would say there has to be tact involved, much like when a lion sets out to hunt for prey. Faced with the never-ending possibilities of the millions of prey that roam the streets of life without care and innocence, the stalker has to mark his prey.

It is therefore not uncommon to hear statements from guys such as, “Wow, I met this really tight honey,” when chatting with their friends. The excitement of having seen a beautiful girl tends to offset the stalking process. I mean, let’s face it; guys are affected by what they see.

This could serve as a handy hint for all the sisters out there to spice up their image a little bit.

That aside, as it is true with the ladies, the guy also has to familiarise himself with the places that the girl frequents. It does give you a sense of being in control and a familiarity with her world. After all, her world just might become your own. It is a ‘never never’ for the guy to attempt to confront the girl head-on without having data about her. Doing so is the reason why we have so many dumb guys who end up using stale pick-up lines such as, “Sorry, I lost my phone number can I please have yours?”, because they are just treading in unfamiliar territory.

Of course, the ladies do not find this attractive at all.

Having established the ‘prey’s’ environment it is a necessity for one to then determine what tactics to use in order to win approach the prey. The internet is a godsend in this area as it has become the arsenal of choice for many a stalker as they research on their prey. Which woman would not be impressed with me if I knew in advance things such as what colour she likes to wear, her favourite wine, her shoe size and the fascination she has with Gucci handbags among other things?

God surely bless Facebook, Twitter and My Space for giving us this day our daily feeds of information!

It does not stop there; the stalker has to find out about the “people” in the girl’s life. This is a polite way of saying that the stalker has to know whether the girl has a boyfriend or not.

Of all the stages of stalking, this is the most critical as it can make or break a person. If it turns out that the girl in question has a man in her life, the faint-hearted type of guy will bow out immediately and fail to muster the courage to kick start anything, let alone a conversation. This type of guy will then shrug his shoulders and assume a resigned approach towards the girl. In most cases, the excitement that was there fades away and the same girl among peers is often referred to as, “Oh you mean that one”. Needless to say, when the friends begin to sense the loss of excitement in the guy they silently know that the fight has been lost.

It is the daring stalker that goes the extra-mile and faces the odds against him.

For this stalker, if findings do prove that there is another man, he has to establish as to whether he can be able to displace the boyfriend and assess his possibilities of success. The essential information collected includes finding out what car your nemesis drives, the job he has and the position he holds as well as for how long the two have been courting.

If by some misfortune one cannot make the grade in these areas, then the only hope is to find out if there are any problems in the relationship and capitalise on that. Women are emotional beings and bear in mind that there are some who simply need love, laying aside all of life’s material pleasures just to have some good loving.

Stalking is a delicate balancing act and calls for great tact in today’s modernised world for while the guy wants to succeed in getting the girl, she battles with her own issues of independence and not wanting to come across as being cheap.

Winning over the lady against this backdrop is a great feeling; add a bit of personal charm, style and confidence and as they say, “the rest is history”.

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Sunday Standard September 20 – 26

Digital copy of Sunday Standard issue of September 20 - 26, 2020.