Everyone is going crazy over the World Cup.
I would understand if this madness afflicted people whose countries have qualified for the tournament. They would be well within their rights to go crazy. After all, they have earned it.
Barring a few dubious decisions by the referee they have bragging rights.
Countries previously unknown are now household names on the world stage. Countries once upon a time known for nasty things are now seen in positive light because their warriors have conquered their foes and made it to the greatest show on earth.
Let me confess.
There was a time when I wanted to argue against the World Cup coming to South Africa. Actually, I was very methodical about how I was going to go about my case. My intention was to trace my South African roots. Like many folks this side of the border, I am certain when my ancestors came hunting, the white man chose their absence to draw a boundary line and decreed that henceforth there will be separate countries.
Too bad for those who could not return in time because they were still tracking wildlife.
Anyway having traced my long lost relatives, I was going to reclaim my citizenship, and then promptly sue. My intellectual mind could find no justification for staging a tournament of this magnitude in a country with so many problems.
I mean how do you build all those glitzy stadiums when the people lack the basic necessities of life such as clean water, shelter and clinics? I could not decipher why any government would opt to spend so much money on a month long football jamboree when its people were hungry.
For this reason, I planned to sue the government of my long lost country in the form of an interdict against holding the World Cup until the matters at hand were addressed.
In case I failed to get the interdict, I planned to sue for my share of the money wasted in putting up all the World Cup infrastructure. As you know , my view is that there should be a different method to the way the national budget is distributed.
I have no qualms with the government rolling out national development projects. But equally, I venture that those who want their money from the national budget should indeed be allocated their portion to use as they deem fit.
Those who prefer the government to use their money on their behalf will exercise that option. As for some of us who want to pocket our share because we feel we can put it to better use than the government, let us get our cherubs, immediately.
In similar vein, I was going to sue the South African government on the basis that I had no interest in football. Therefore there was no basis for using my money, as a taxpaying citizen, to organize a tournament in which I held no interest and from which I would derive no tangible benefit.
I felt that with a smart lawyer I had a strong case. In fact, knowing how cowardly governments are, they were going to quickly settle out of court to avert a tsunami of similar lawsuits.
Right now I would be sitting pretty. Anyway after discussing this brilliant idea with the madam, she advised me to relax and take it easy. She said my problem was that I had read too many books at school. I took the madam’s advice to chill and see the fun part of the World Cup.
Ever since her counsel, I have joined the millions around the world who have gone crazy over the tournament. I have postponed my bid to correct the mistake of shutting me out of South Africa because my ancestors returned late from hunting and found a boundary.
For now, I am caught up in the festivities of the World Cup. I now want to cheer on the African teams. I think it is a scandal that after so many years of participation we have never had an African team taking the honours, let alone reaching the final.
But instead of cheering ourselves hoarse, we must also come up with ideas to assist our boys. This year, with six teams, we ought to do well. Despite my optimism, I dread another failure. We cannot afford failure, more so because we are playing on home soil.
You see, this tournament takes place every four years. Now that is a long time between the games. It is now or never. What if in four years time the earth has sunk into the ocean and no longer exists? What if in four years time that sad looking man with long blonde hair and blue eyes who forsook his carpenter dad for another man called God, finally rises from the dead?
There would be so much hysteria people would have no time for football. So, I say the time is now for an African team to hoist aloft the World Cup.
The players who represent the African teams are the most skillful at the tournament. They long displayed their prowess as kids playing a ball made of rags and other exotic material in the street. That is where they acquired their breathtaking skills. But, along the way, they came into contact with other influences that affected their skills. Try as our players can, they struggle on the international stage because they abandoned what made them so skillful when they were just kids with great potential. The time has come to go back to our roots if we want to win the World Cup.
My idea is that we shock all the foreign teams when they come up against our teams. Granted, they are already in shock at the poverty and slums, but we need to shock them on the field of play as well.
I, therefore, suggest the African teams should play barefooted.
Yep, you heard me.
Every African child who plays football displays their best skills in the street or dusty grounds without football boots. They then go on to sign for big local teams, and some go overseas and, in both instances, they are supplied with boots.
But when you watch our boys carefully, you can tell they are uncomfortable and unable to caress the ball as lovingly. They cannot shoot as accurately as they did before being introduced to designer football boots.
This is my brilliant idea.
Until someone comes up with a better proposal on how the African teams can achieve glory at the World Cup, I say lets discard the boots and tackle those teams barefooted!
The time is now!
