Greetings, Old Man. It has been a while. I am sure you have been wondering where I am. I am still alive and kicking. Actually, I have been thinking about you, hence this letter. So much has been happening. I can’t say for a certainty if you have been kept abreast. Apparently, so feared are you that your aides only tell you what you want to hear.
They sing sweet lullabies and assure you everything is perfectly fine. They say any problems in the country are because of the whites. They know you will nod in agreement. They know you will get them to convene a rally at which you will fulminate against the whites and tell the entire world how they are worse than pigs and dogs. In that mood, you are a sight to behold. In full flight you belie your octogenarian years. However, let me update you on what has been happening. The Americans hanged Saddam. I can see your face turning ashen.
I’m not kidding you. I am serious. The Americans hanged Saddam on the eve of the New Year. But I must say he went down gallantly. In his final moments, he was the Saddam of old. He exuded his old courage and was imperious to the end. He didn’t beg them for mercy. He was not dragged, kicking and screaming to the gallows. No way. He strode to the gallows. And was he not dressed elegantly. I understand you’ve met Saddam in the past. Well, you will agree he was a dapper man. His sense of fashion was unparalleled. That’s exactly the way he was when he stepped up the scaffolding.
But the final dramatic moment was when they wanted to put a hood over his head. He waved them away and said he would die like a man with his eyes wide open. In all honesty, I have never witnessed such calm courage and dignity. Tapes of your friend’s execution are all over the place. I don’t think your aides ever showed you a copy. I mean if Saddam’s hanging was concealed from you, how could they show you the tape? Well, I will send you a copy. I hope they don’t tamper with it when they inspect the mail. I just think if you knew about the hanging of your friend you would change your ways. I mean there are people out there who love you. They are now a small minority but they love you nonetheless. They love you so much they want you to live forever. I am doubtful though. Not at the rate you are going. Remember that the people you kicked off the farms are white. Well, they are related to the British. The Americans are descended from the British. It was the Americans and the British who decided to topple Saddam and ultimately execute him. Now you see the picture?
I have never trusted these whites. Now they are coming after you. I tend to eavesdrop on their conversations whenever I get the opportunity. Many celebrated the hanging of Saddam. They were slapping one another on the back, predicting how you, too, will be swinging from the gallows soon. As far as they are concerned, it’s all over for you. I think the only person who can save you is that black woman who works for George Bush. But I doubt if you will be getting much sympathy from her. Remember you once referred to her as an Uncle Tom? I don’t think she liked it one bit. Your situation is not helped by the fact that many of your black kin don’t like you any more. From a towering figure of the struggle against the settlers you have now embarrassed them. Not only that, you have jailed your fellow citizens for voicing dissent. Those who want to demonstrate against high food prices are beaten up. I mean why beat up people for walking down the street holding placards? I am afraid at times you don’t help your situation.
Many of your citizens have fled the country because of fear and hunger. Just like the whites these people don’t like you. They too look forward to the day the Americans walk you up the gallows. In fact some of them say many years ago your soldiers massacred their tribesmen because they belonged to a different party. For all these years, bygones were bygones. Now they are dredging up old issues because they want you to hang. The future doesn’t look bright at all. I just don’t know what you can do. I hear that a few months ago some of your people said you could rule forever if you wished.
Well I suppose that’s one way out. You could just stick in office until the end. But then with the Americans that is no insurance. Some years ago they decided they had to deal with a man in charge of a country called Panama. The man’s name was General Noriega. And do you know what the Americans did? They just played loud rock music outside his palace. So loud was the music that after some days poor Noriega decided enough was enough and gave up with barely a whimper. Now imagine the Americans playing loud rock music outside the presidential mansion in Harare?
For God’s sake you have young children who are still studying. And knowing how cunning those Americans are, they may just decide to blast their rock music at exam time. The kids will have no chance to study. I tell you after some time you might decide to hand yourself over if only for the sake of the kids. No matter which way you look at it, the prognosis is not good. The problem is no one wants to tell you the truth. No one wants to tell you to quit now. Of course, you should have long quit. Your fellow African leaders show solidarity with you. They say you should be left alone. Do you trust them? They are just like your aides. They don’t tell you the truth. They don’t tell you how you have run down a great country that was the breadbasket of the region. They don’t tell you that virtually everyone considers you a dictator. In fact, they don’t really care. After all, they have been good boys and they won’t hang.
If they are genuine in their solidarity, at your next meeting ask for something simple. Ask them to make a sworn commitment that when you hang, they too will hand themselves over to the Americans and swing from the gallows alongside in a show of solidarity. I can assure you none will sign. Old Man, I just feel sorry for you. Such a glorious life ending on the gallows! Please remember to dress well like Saddam. On a final note, kindly pass my regards to Pretty Face. The sight of her still drives me crazy!
