Masitara is such a big, big dreamer

Often when I hang out with my friends Botsalo and Fidelis we would reminisce about the 2009 Hansa Pilsener television advert and laugh hard at the main character in the advert, a guy called Vuyo. We just love the advert. It is as hilarious as it is inspiring. We tend to admire Vuyo for being a dreamer but what really sends us to the floor in fits of laughter is the fact Vuyo is not just a dreamer. He is such a big, big dreamer. The Vuyo advertisement for Hansa Pilsener was first aired on television in 2009, but evoked such emotion that a second advert followed in June 2011. In the first advert, we were introduced to Vuyo while he was standing in front of his boerewors cart. And then, there came those magic words from Vuyo’s Gogo , “Ooh Vuyo, he’s such a big, big dreamer.” Before you could say “cheers,” Vuyo was sitting on a yacht enjoying a Hansa with friends and plenty of honey. All along, the audience was encouraged to join Vuyo on his journey from boerewors seller to a gentleman sailor. Vuyo comes across as an ordinary guy who doesn’t want an ordinary life, and not even the sky is the limit for him. He dreams of being a successful businessman who enjoys larger- than-life experiences with his friends. Enter Robert Masitara.  After a two-week sojourn outside the country, I got back in the country this past weekend and went on a newspaper-reading marathon to catch up with local news. “Masitara wants to be president”, screamed one newspaper headline. If she could think Vuyo was “such a big, big dreamer” just for harboring thoughts of becoming a successful business with girls falling all over him, I do not know what the Gogo would think of Masitara and his dreams to become first citizen of this republic.  Yes, Masitara is very normal, educated and meets the legal requirements to stand for the presidency. However, he doesn’t strike me as presidential material, at least at this point in time.  Nya batsadi bame, ke a gana. President Robert who!? Okhokho! But you cannot entirely blame Masitara for being such a big, big dreamer. I mean, Masitara must have observed how President Khama enjoys goodwill and support from many Batswana only because he has developed a hobby for doling out food rations and blankets to people. We all know that Masitara did it first. Yep! Before Khama went around dishing soup and diphaphatha to the poor, Masitara had long distributed yoghurts, sweets and even money to strangers around Gaborone. At times he would even ask people, “what’s my wife’s name” and if you answered “Poloko” you instantly became 200 pula rich. Before Khama asked rich people to build houses for the poor in his name, Masitara had long cornered his rich associates to foot bills for anus operations for kids, all this, done in his name. This must have been where Masitara drew his presidential aspirations from. He is inspired by President Khama. In fact, in a previous interview with one local newspaper, Masitara excitedly disclosed how President Khama was grooming him for the presidency. Khama was to bequeath Masitara the highest office in the land when he relocates to Mosu in 2018. President Khama and Masitara have a lot in common and it comes as no surprise ‘batsadi bame’ fancies his chances. The one thing the two gentlemen are good at is making empty promises to the public. At the top of my head I still recall how Masitara gathered people in Gaborone West and promised that once elected into parliament he would build a pedestrian bridge over the western bypass and tar the dusty road that passes in front of Bull and Bush restaurant. He said he would build all these things using his personal money. Waii! He came and went and none of those ever happened. He couldn’t even afford to buy 5 liters of white paint to at least mark a pedestrian (zebra) crossing for Gaborone West residents who cross the western by-pass. Masitara wants to become president because he has realized that Batswana have no problem with a president who gives false hopes and promises. President Khama has made so many false promises my girlfriend would be consoled at the few false marriage promises I have made to her. How can we ever forget the day President Khama told the nation that load shedding would be history, only for it to become a permanent feature in our daily lives? Masitara’s supporters or are they handlers, are said to have vouched for their man because according to them, he is educated and has never been associated with any faction in the BDP. Poor Bob! If only he knew how the BDP is now wary of people who claim to be loners. When the BDP brought in Khama, it exactly because he had claimed he did not belong in any of the BDP factions. He was therefore seen as a unifier, just as ‘batsadi bame’ claims he will be. The BDP was sold a dummy and I doubt they have any money to spend on more dummies. Masitara’s people are said to have made an assurance their man hates corruption so much he would not bid a lid when it comes to prosecuting perpetrators. Masitara must just sit down. We don’t want unnecessary split votes when the BDP gets to vote Khama’s successor in 2018. To his credit, Masitara is very humble and soft but the brutal truth is, a dead party like the BDP doesn’t need a walk-over like him. BDP doesn’t need a Messiah. It needs a bull that can penetrate and choke it out of its death bed. That person needs to be someone with steeled-balls. I don’t see them in Masitara.