Sitting on the deck overlooking the Atlantic Ocean at one of the most expensive shopping malls in the Southern Hemisphere a young lady checks her mobile phone for a text message she has been anticipating for the past few hours. A report from her bank that money, lots of money has been deposited in her account. From whom is this young lady expecting a huge deposit, I ask?
She raises an eyebrow shocked at my ignorance of the currently trending financier of the finer things in life, “The ‘Blesser’” she says bewildered that I had no idea what she was talking about.
In the past they were called ‘Sugar Daddies’ or more colloquially ‘Suna papa’ and were designated departments according to what they paid for. For example the Minister of Transport would make sure all the transportation needs are sorted. The Minister of Communication would buy the air time and mobile phones and the Minister of Energy would pay for utility bills.
It is the 21st century and people across the globe have come to view sex as a commodity. Relationship/ Marriage counsellor, evangelist Isaac Kabasia explained that it all starts with setting yourself unattainable goals and not living within your means. She cites a situation where social climbers with meagre earnings aspire to a lifestyle they cannot afford.
“They have the pressure to give an impression of living a life they cannot afford thus the arrangements with the “Blessers” are not necessarily relationships as they are replaceable as and when the need arises,” explained Kabasia.
He says generally men have the need to have their cake and eat it too hence their ‘commitment phobia.’ If they could just get the milk there is no need to buy the cow. Before breeding a promiscuous and materialist generation the set up was different, the woman was the home maker and the man was the provider. Kabasia explains that the older generation had some sense of commitment. The local old wives’ tale is that even if a man had a ‘side family’ he would ensure that all the needs of the main house were catered for and the ‘main family ‘would turn a blind eye.
Going back to the Blesser, he comes with a variety of financial responsibilities, including family and social expenses. From the Horse’s (Blesser’s) mouth who chose to be anonymous, they know this arrangement and can almost diarise all the encounters he has with his conquest, “A very expensive hobby, I might add, but it is all worth it when after spending a couple of thousand pulas on a lady and she appreciates it like you changed her universe,” says the Blesser.
Kabasia goes on to explain intimacy as a by product of love and he defines love as a garden which with the right kind of care blossoms into a beautiful thing. However if neglected it would not only become sordid but an eyesore as well.
The Blesser/ Sugar Daddy phenomenon has grown so much that there are websites dedicated to create a forum where the Daddies’ and the ‘Sugar babies’ meet. Extramarital affairs with extreme generational gaps are no longer frowned upon and have been accepted by society to a point where a man is considered dysfunctional if he does not have a fling on the side. It has evolved to a point where now single, successful women have turned the tables and are dating younger men and financially providing for them, they are called ‘Cougars’ well that is a story for another day.