Saturday, September 19, 2020

RELATIONSHIPS: ARE THEY WORTH THE HEADACHE

As American singer, Joan Amatrading, once said,├« There is more than one kind of love.”

It’s debatable whether the strongest kind of love that bonds people still remains that of mother and child, or that of family and relatives, or that of friends and that involves people of mutual interests and the most important one, that of those involved in courtships.

This topic of popular interest brings one to ponder over the issue of the latter, which happens to be one of the most intriguing cases known to man: courtship.

Men and women in Botswana have killed in the name of love for their spouses. Courtship is normally considered as a sexual relationship between a man and a woman that is until recent years, of course, when members of the same sex could actually be involved in a sexual relationship with one another.
Some people are in it for money, some for love and some just want to be provided with access to trouble free sex.

Most of the youth are already in relationships by the time they hit their 20s. From there onwards, some proceed to marry their high school sweethearts. Mistake? You tell me; almost every one of us knows a married individual or a person in a serious relationship who has cheated not once but countless times, citing the boredom of being with the same person for years. It makes one skeptical about the authenticity of courtship based in terms of love. Are people bound together in a relationship because they feel obliged to?

The Lobatse High Court is alleged to handle more than 50 divorce cases affecting Botswana citizens per week.
Warning signals to alert heartbreakers out there who would rather become play boys than waste their time investing in something that would end up causing them unnecessary headaches, that their point of view is safer.

In a random interview by SUNDAY STANDARD at the Riverwalk Mall, John Ramabolo, a 1st year Limkokwing student, expressed his distaste for relationships.
“I don’t want to be in a serious relationship, there are way too many good-looking girls in Gaborone for me to commit myself.
The last thing I want to do is complicate my life.”

Ramabolo claims that his position works best for him and his entourage as he doesn’t have any intentions to break someone’s heart in the future.
According to him, he has no faith whatsoever in relationships that are said to last for life. His own parents had divorced after 18 years of marriage, having emotionally invested in each other.

To the 20-year-old, this is regrettable as he feels one shouldn’t commit themselves to the unknown.

Another person sharing his sentiments is Kaone Keepetswe, a 23-year-old Academy of Business Accounts student who has been in a serious relationship for 5 years but which recently ended due to her discovering the boyfriend’s many infidelities.

“You spend your life dedicating yourself to someone, only to find out you could have made better use of your youth by investing in profitable ventures; all relationships do is bring you migraines.”

It took a while for things to make sense to Keepetswe as she had even contemplated committing suicide because the thought of living without her boyfriend of years was unbearable.

Keepetswe explains the pain of the heart break as greater than any she has been through, including period pains and, once, experienced the excruciating pains of child labour. But, she says, none cuts as deep as being betrayed and cheated on by a spouse.
All Keepetswe sees now is black and white when it comes to men; there can never be a grey, not anytime soon.

Kelebogile Potsane, 22, claims to be head over heels in love with her prince charming.

“Nothing beats receiving a message from my boyfriend, especially in the mornings and at night when he calls to say good night. We also trust each other no matter what. I believe everything he tells me and we are going to be together forever. He says I’m the one.”

It is Potsane’s first serious relationship and she and her boyfriend have been going out for nearly 7 months and she claims that they are both in it for life. To her, they are the best thing to happen in life after the discovery of chocolate.

Kelly Dingao, 32, is a woman one can describe as a riveting gold digger. She has it all: a beautiful face, a luscious body and even a car most people can’t afford. But unlike most women her age, she has no children and no husband, not even a boyfriend.

Her reasons are that she doesn’t need a relationship to acquire her needs. These days, she says, it’s remotely easy for a woman to pick whom she wants to use for her sexual needs and when. It’s also easy for her to make men buy expensive and lavish gifts for her instead of wasting her time trying to connect with men on an emotional level.
“Women are overly naive if they believe men are in it for love. At one stage, they leave them for a liaison with independent women like me, who are not willing to wake up next to the same face for years.”

She does recognise that the years are catching up with her but that doesn’t bother her because that’s what adoption agencies are for. If she is to get old and her priorities change, then she will gladly adopt a child but in the meantime no relationships.

Dingao blames Batswana’s Christian upbringing for forcing them into disastrous relationships and fake marriages that would later end up in passion killings. In Botswana, a woman who is sexually aware and confident, one who prefers to sleep with whomever she wishes whenever she wants is considered impure and a slut, even in today’s society.

All this arising from the fact that churches clearly discourage sex before marriage yet society is not as much against young men engaging in sexual acts as it is for young women.

Therefore, most young women refuse to indulge in sexual acts unless they are in a relationship. Cornered, men would then submit half heartedly to the relationship. After getting what they want, they move to the next victim.
Dingao is skeptical on whether a man can really love a woman as Brian Adams once claimed, but then again her judgment is clouded by her bitter attitude towards the opposite sex.

Conclusion of the research findings indicates that trust and faith in others is deep founded; that it is our fear of failure that leads us to reject that which might be of benefit to us. If most men were to have a bit of faith they might discover their potential to love and respect one woman and, maybe, eventually find their soul mates, if they do exist.

Women should remain objective and leave room to second question anything that might bring about drastic change in their lives.

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Sunday Standard September 20 – 26

Digital copy of Sunday Standard issue of September 20 - 26, 2020.