Move over Stone Age, enter the Cougar!
A website called Women’s Issues refers to the cougar as “an older woman who is primarily attracted to and has sex with significantly younger men”.
Times have changed and it’s evident that the relationships between men and women are a long way from what they used to be.
Back in the days, or so my grandmother told me, it was unheard of for young men to date older women. In fact, it was taboo.
In those traditional societies, it was not a rare occurrence to find a 50-year-old man married to a girl of 20 or younger. It was in these same societies that effects of double standards were hard on women who were secretly being chased by those younger than them.
To be caught in a compromising situation with a younger man would mean tongues wagging all over the village, spiteful looks and pain and humiliation like no other.
It was only in cases of widows secretly dating younger men that the society would loosen up. The generation before us is clear proof that the society believed in older man and younger woman theories than the reverse, most of those married before the 90s have age gaps is wide as 10 years or more. My grandmother said that this was because it was believed that a woman’s maturity levels are higher than those of a man. She said that a 30-year-old man and an 18-year-old girl had the same maturity levels.
The purpose of this article was to bring forth what most of us have already observed and it has somehow become a culture of its own. It is also to show how dynamic culture is, and how human mentality evolves over time. Nowadays, women are independent and they believe that they deserve better in everything they deal with.
Many working women, especially in Gaborone, are not shy about dating boys who are still in school or men that are five years younger than them or, as some have referred to them, toyboys.
Women no longer take issue with the fact that people might talk about them because even though they still talk there is really nothing they can do to stop it. Societies are not as closed as they used to be and people only ever care about the families and friends.
What is actually surprising is the fact that more and more young men are attracted to older women; some say it’s because of their money while some say it’s because older women are more interesting. Some have even gone to the extent of implying that women who date younger men have control issues or that they are not serious about settling down.
David Lesang, a 21-year-old boy at the University of Botswana said that ever since he started dating at 16 he has dated women who were years older than him and he wouldn’t mind going up to 10 years.
Growing up, Lesang said that he had multiple crushes on his female teachers, and although most young boys went through the same ordeal he said that he never found younger girls appealing.
For him, older women were more enticing because of the way they could hold an interesting conversation and they never demanded too much attention.
He also said that older women have taught him a lot of interesting things, especially in the bedroom area.
On the other hand, his friend Thabo Kika, who is also the same age, said that he can’t be in a relationship with an older woman because he doesn’t want to be controlled.
He said that from what he has seen, cougars can emasculate one to the point of depression. For him, a man should be the leader in the relationship as it has always been that way even in the Bible.
“Of course, I find older girls attractive but I could never date one; they obviously have baggage from their past relationships and they will wear me down with their problems. Younger girls have no such issues. In fact they are full of life and are not really difficult when it comes to doing things in the bedroom,” said Kika.
With all the TV shows that people watch where being a cougar has turned into fashion, the society has become more tolerant and the subjects do not hide their deeds anymore.
I am willing to bet that for any one reader, you are probably a cougar, or in relationship with one or you know somebody who is.