Well, I must say this is a tricky one. How does one address it without a risk of being sacked? I mean if they can sack an old man for his comments, obnoxious, of course, how can a mere mortal like me survive. No one wants to be sacked from a job unless they have rich parents. My parents are poor. So are all my relatives and my friends. I guess I made the wrong choices in life. Anyway getting the sack from this newspaper will spell doom for me. It will mean a return to the village to take part in community affairs, like the weekly flogging of local miscreants.
Anyway, the old man’s comments caused so much of an uproar that he got the sack from his employers. All he had simply said was that black people are less intelligent than whites. Okay, the old man could be senile at the age of seventy nine. I mean almost everybody at that age is senile. But then again he is not your average street punk. The old man in question who goes by the name of James Watson is a decorated scientist. In 1962, he won the Nobel Prize for his part in discovering the structure of DNA. Now that is serious stuff that needs a real brain. Probably years of overtaxing his brain have taken their toll on him, hence the comments caused by his senility.
The remarks came in an interview when he declared that he was inherently gloomy about the prospects of Africa. I am equally gloomy. I guess that makes me Dr Watson’s accomplice, hence my fear that the owners of this newspaper will sack me. However, the difference between Dr Watson and me is that I am black, and African. That disqualifies me from discriminating racially against myself. But gloomy I am. What I think provoked the people baying for Dr Watson’s blood is that his gloom derived from his observation over the years that we are less intelligent. Like I said, it’s a tricky one. Who would want their race to be declared dumb? But then I look around and wonder to myself. How did it come about that white people took to the sea, came here and conquered us? Why did we not fight back? Granted, we fought back and lost. That is why they took all the land and resources. But surely if we had invented superior firepower to theirs we would have pushed them back into the sea, and still be living happily. Now they are in control. We could be in charge of the politics, but they control the money.
Forget about the Indians. Those ones control corner shops. The whites control the real money. With money anything is possible. Money is power. That is why all black women want to hook up with white men. It’s for the white men’s money. That is why black chaps want to hook up with white women. It’s for the white women’s money; and power. So you see, they are in control. And this is because they are, well, quite smart. Whether they are more intelligent than us is for you the reader to decide. I mean Africa can get terribly hot. And none of my fore bearers thought of inventing a fan. I don’t mean something complicated like an air conditioner. I mean a fan. Well, the whites managed to invent it. How about a car. The one thing we love as Africans are cars.
It’s important to have a car so that during the holidays you drive to the village and park it outside the yard for jealous neighbours to envy. I don’t remember reading that Africans invented the car. And to think we love it so much. I mean the car is responsible for many of Africa’s problems. Starting with the amount of effort of bewitching your neighbour’s son because he has bought a car. This is the one bad invention that Africans could do without. I know that a lot of Africans take serious offence when their intelligence is questioned. But instead of being ever so vigilant at the slights they suffer at the hands of people like Dr Watson, Africans better put their brains to good use before it is too late.
For starters, the trek to the village must stop. Come holiday time everyone goes to the village. How can you think and come up with serious inventions when the thought of the village is uppermost in your mind. Africans must also stop bewitching one another. For the life of me why not at least bewitch the whites who took away all the land, resources and women? As somebody who observes white people closely I suspect they are up to something. Using their brains they have been sending all those probes to faraway planets. You will recall that some years ago they sent their people to the moon. Just like they did all those years ago when they got on their ships and went exploring for new places to live, they are at it again. In the meantime with the whites busy making secret plans, we Africans are dozing and driving to the village to show off the new car. Hey, let’s face it, lots of white people are nasty racists. But so are some black people who blame everything on whites. We never blame ourselves for our shortcomings. I think the whites are suffering in silence. They are getting sick and tired of the racist abuse they suffer at the hands of black people. I am convinced the whites have decided to leave this planet.
Once their plans are ready, we will wake up in the morning to the shock of our lives. We would discover that as we were busy sleeping the whites had taken off to a new planet leaving us all behind. Okay we will remain behind with the Indians who will never give up their small corner shops for anything. I see that day coming. I don’t know what intelligent black people are doing about the situation. I hope our intelligent people are also involved in secret research projects somewhere to run things the day all the whites leave. Until I am told that brainy black people are doing something I will put my trust in brainy white people. There is no way I am remaining behind when they leave.
For that reason I will have to get myself a white girl. When the appointed hour arrives I will be getting aboard the spaceship with her. Dr Watson has warned me. The whites are using their intelligence to design plans to quit this planet. As for you my friends and poor relatives you can remain behind and enjoy life without being bothered by these nasty white people. It will be just like the good old days before the whites set foot here. There is no way I am staying behind in such a place!