Last month, I learnt with ‘shock’ from a South African newspaper, The Sowetan, of how Hlomla Dandala, a heartthrob who has starred in dramas such as Jacob’s Cross and the soap Isidingo confessed to having cheated on his wife, Candy Litchfield.
The result of his escapades is four children from three different women. Visible proof that the brother was a busy man, very busy indeed one might even add.
Maybe one ought not to get himself entangled in the affairs of celebrities, but then, again, I can’t help pointing out that Dandala has just joined the all too familiar club of cheaters. It’s either lucrative or deadly, depending on which side of the fence you are looking at it from.
Men and cheating have been bedfellows since time immemorial; it is near impossible to talk of one without making mention of the other. Imagine talking of reggae without mentioning Bob Marley, really one would not have done justice to the issue.
From political figures such as Bill Clinton, actor Eddie Murphy to soccer maestro David Beckham, the list is endless of men who have had memory ‘lapses’ of their fidelity vows to spouses and become unfaithful in an instant.
What drives men to cheat then? Surely, it has nothing to do with the popular wailings of men such as, “I wasn’t getting any attention from her”. While that can lead to cheating in some instances, it can hardly pass off as credible bait at all.
Primarily, cheating by men is done as a test to their ego and most men view the exercise as a form of adventure. They subtly try to find out if they are still “hot” as they were back in the days before accumulating the multiple titles of dad, my husband and Mr so and so. It has something to do with the boyish nature in men that sees them cheating on their wives with girls young enough to be their own daughters. Which guy out there wouldn’t feel an adrenaline rush if their twenty-something secretary were to flash an enticing smile in their direction?
Men who cheat driven by this factor are still madly in love with their spouses and are known to explain their actions with statements such as, “It didn’t mean anything at all, it is you that I still love” when they have been found out. They have to work flat out to win back their partner’s trust and love.
For other guys, cheating is done simply because they are tired of their relationship with their partner. The relationship in most cases lacks the spice of life to make it interesting enough to keep the guy committed. They then allow their wandering eye to get the better of them. In most cases, guys in this category frankly don’t care and have a ‘whatever’ attitude if they happen to be caught by their spouse.
It would seem as if they already have a list of excuses to present to their partner should they be found out.
Then there’s the typical bloke who finds himself in a situation of his own making, taking his flirting and romancing skills overboard and leading on the girl he cheats on his partner with. A clear scenario of biting off more than one can chew. However, the girl he is cheating with is so impressed with the guy’s courting skills, looks and she makes up her mind to take him away from her rival. Things do tend to turn ugly thereafter, with catfight after catfight between the two ladies and the guy not having a clue as to what to do.
Embarrassment, guilt, pain and fighting are the most common results that accompany any cheater, a deadly concoction that is bound to kill off any meaningful relationship with a partner.
Every woman’s pride is a faithful partner; why not just give them that for a change, guys?