A several century-long standard practice and rule of thumb is that, of the dead say nothing unless it is kind or do not speak ill of the dead. As a result, obituaries are sugar-coated to present the dead as latter-day nobilities or world famous rain makers whose death somewhat marks the end of a better world. Tyrants and some low life parasitical scums are often feted post mortem with adulation that transforms their wasted lives into some over-privileged patriots who are victims of the moral transgressions of surviving hypocrites.
This practice has ensured that the dead, including serial rapists, heartless child molesters, shameless political turncoats and violent robbers are hilariously described in the most positive manner in ways that make them repentant saints. Many speakers who never had anything good to say of someone while they were still having life suddenly sing their praises. It is a fact that there are people who spend all their lives causing severe pain to others and often when such people die, we behave as if it were a great loss. To make public their filthy lives and tore in their unpleasant legacy is to come close to moral indecency or airing the family’s dirty laundry in public and become a hate figure in the family or community.
While this tradition has ensured that due respect is accorded to the deceased and his/her grieving families, it is contended herein that in some cases the bald truth about the cause of someone’s death and their wasted lives must be told. Though the final decision to disclose or conceal the cause of death or the troubled life of the deceased rest with the family, it is nevertheless appreciated that the departed were members of the larger society hence society is, to a greater extent, entitled to know the truth.
It is also acknowledged that there is no right or wrong way for grieving families to do an obituary. Some families may decide to share what is often classified as private information with the public whereas others may choose to hide the embarrassing truth that their loved one led an animal life and departed in a manner befitting a savage. Essentially, the content of an obituary is influenced by the deceased family’s wishes. However, it should be noted that obituaries are a chance for families to share their ‘loved’ one’s life story rather than to simply eulogize butchers and savages. In order to share personal information about their departed loved ones, grieving families would do well by giving an honest account of the deceased person’s life rather than feeding mourners with obvious trash.
Thus, obituaries should be driven by honesty and a desire to help other families who are dealing with a similar challenge in order to inspire them to face up to the challenge instead of living in denial and perpetuate troubles. Obviously, many families prefer to focus on praise-singing preferring to keep the dark side private and confidential because it is considered the right thing to do. While this is acceptable and culturally appropriate, it is often unhelpful to both the grieving families and the society at large because it denies the families and society a chance to evaluate their life styles, learn from our indiscretions and better our overall conduct and actions. By shielding ourselves from some kind of public humiliation if the truth about the deceased’s life history was to be made public, our society is simply succeeding in perpetuating delinquency, criminality and misbehaviour.
The Botswana society needs to move with the times and nurture a habit for honesty and truthfulness to proactively address the many social ills that have become an undesirable part of our lives. For instance, Mmegi Newspaper of 5th August 2015 carried a story titled ‘Research shows growing cocaine use among youths’. The story highlights the problem of substance abuse and addiction to hard drugs among youth, effectively implying that many dreams and lives continue to fall apart as a result but unfortunately, society prefers to pretend that there is nothing of this sought hence it is business as usual. Addiction to hard drugs and other substances often lead to loss of life as already happens in many countries battling the scourge.
In order to raise awareness about the dangers of substance abuse and addiction, the Botswana society ought to be candid and share experiences in battling addiction even if this means having to make public a deceased person’s cause of death. While this could be upsetting to the deceased person’s family and friends, it could nevertheless break isolation by drawing attention to the magnitude of the problem and perhaps ultimately draw it to the attention of national leaders and have the problem addressed holistically.
Such a disclosure would not in any way represent an attempt to vent anger and frustration at a world where drugs and other substances are traded by some of the most respected and hero-worshipped socialites in the country but rather it would be an attempt to offer in depth insight into the menace. There is need to tell the hard truth with a view to dissuading others from emulating or repeating stupidities and fatal mistakes of those who refused to graduate from the animal kingdom.
Similarly, honest and truthful disclosures about the causes of our demise would make us seriously consider the kind of life stories we would like to have at the end of our lives. Truthful obituaries will make us know that we cannot be spared the rigors of public disclosure of the causes of our passing hence the need to live our lives diligently so that we do not cause unbearable shame to our surviving family members.
Many of us have come to rest in our laurels in the full knowledge that after death our lives shall be decorated to qualify us as saints or some ingenious explorers while the truth is that we were scums that deserve to be whipped and tormented from their graves.
This means that many families are never worried about the moral transgressions of their family members while still having life because obituaries and over-empathetic mourners shall take care of the waywardness and beasty lives of their departed ones. In effect, no one cares about crafting an illustrious career to leave a positive legacy simply because the dead are always the best this earth ever had.
Thus, the Botswana society should transform in such a way that families should know that the misdeeds of their sons and daughters could be made public, if not by the family’s written obituary then by truthful speakers at the wake. As scripture asserts, those who deliberately cause pain to others should upon their passing be dealt with accordingly not even to be buried, much less have anyone mourn for them. In fact, such people are to be disposed of with the contempt and dishonour they deserve by being left laying to be eaten by the dogs (1 Kings 14:10-13).
In truth, there are people whom the righteous should rejoice at their deaths in as much as there are instances when people, including family members, do get some relief when a bad person passes on. A lot of families that purposefully nurture robbers and thieves have benefited from this indefensible out-dated practice of sweetened obituaries and deliberate lies about the cause of one’s death and this is counter-productive.
This is a stark warning to all hit men and turncoat politicians out there who are always willing to be rented to do dirty jobs for the nobility.