Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Let’s acquire a winter machine!

It has been a good winter. When you consider how hot it suddenly is, then winter is the best season. In more ways than one. It is a season that allows you to stay indoors and wrap up in your warm clothing.

Also in winter, there is little grief because fewer people die. For those ailing, the hot climate only hastens their way to the grave. If you don’t believe me just wait and see the number of people who will kick the bucket during the coming months when the heat is really belting. Winter is also a time for reflection and deep thinking. I suppose that is why folks from cold climates seem so advanced. The time they spend indoors forces them to use their brains and come up with all kinds of wonderful inventions.
I am sure if white people came from this continent they would be just like us. They would be spending so much time agonising from the heat they would have little time to think about going to the moon. As to how white people still managed to invent ice cream while living in that freezing climate is an issue for another day.

But there is no doubt that if my folks came from a cold climate they would be the greatest inventors in the world. I am sure we would have invented ice cream. Right now because of this damn heat, we have very few inventions to our name. Not a proud record at all.
Though our winters are very short, there are lots of nice things about this season. A man can imbibe anytime and anywhere because the drinks are always cold. Winter is also a time of peace. When was the last time you got into a fight or slanging match during winter? Hardly happens. Winter is a season of serenity and love. And that is my point. Winter brings people together.

In particular it draws lovers much closer to one another. If it’s married couples winter brings laughter into the home. I mean in the stifling summer heat who would want to laugh with a nagging wife or a drunken husband? In fact, that is why there is so much adultery in the hot months. Couples would be trying to escape from each other. And so they end up finding solace in the company of others in a similar situation. But in winter such problems recede and couples live happily ever after. Like I say for lovers winter brings bliss and everlasting happiness. Actually I heard somewhere that the best love songs are written in winter because it is the season of love.

I don’t know why we don’t have winter forever. The world would be such a lovely place. There would be no fights, little bereavement and we would all be in love.

Some people are able to tell the end of winter because they can detect a gradual rise in temperature or dawn arriving much later. As for me, I have my own way of knowing that winter is over. All I have to do is walk around with my eyes wide open and the evidence will be there in front of me. It does not take a genius to tell the change in seasons. Have you seen the number of pregnant women just strolling around? That is how I am able to tell that winter is over.

I have been observing the phenomenon for a number of years now. And it is always the same. Women of all types and ages are walking around proudly pregnant. The absolutely ravishing and the most hideous looking. As a matter of fact I think I have sighted more expectant ugly women this year than any other. But just like the pretty ones they too are happy. Quite clearly they had a lovely winter with their partners. When you look at them their faces glow with radiance. It’s a pity the glow won’t last forever. As the temperatures climbs these happy women will be reduced to sadness regretting why they fell pregnant. You see, the partners won’t be around. The husbands would be coming home late. There wouldn’t be anymore laughter in the home. The ugly women would be abandoned in favour of the pretty lasses whose bellies are still flat.

All to be repeated next year, and the year after. It is a vicious cycle that must stop. I sometimes think like a woman. Just what do men want?
Men are very unfair. They want the best for themselves, and hardly care a hoot about the feelings of women. A solution must be found. I don’t know what it is we can do to ensure winter stays with us all year round. I am a person who likes peace and happiness. I want other people to enjoy the same. I have realised I am no longer happy since the hot season began. I am irritable and blow my fuse at the slightest provocation.

Just some weeks ago I was the epitome of serenity. I need the happy season of winter. I have heard of a machine that can induce rain. In rich countries when there is drought they just put the machine in a plane, switch it on and the rain pours down. They never go hungry.

Now I have been thinking, if they can invent a machine that makes rain, they can surely come up with a machine that makes winter. That is the machine I want. As soon as we get it, everything will change for the better. At the hint of the hot summer, the boys will hook it up, punch the switch and winter will fall on us. Better still, if the heat persists, the boys can be instructed to induce snow. That would be some experience.

More importantly with our new winter machine, we would be able to think properly and invent useful things. People will live longer. The drinks would be cold all the time. There will be bliss and laughter in many a household. The husbands will stay home. The toddlers will play on daddy’s lap. More women will fall pregnant without worrying that the onset of summer will bring heartache and sadness. The best love songs will be written and we will all live happily ever after.

Yes, the government must buy that winter machine!


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