Monday, July 13, 2020

How to get a winter woman!

It has been so cold it is not funny. I just wonder how inhabitants of the Polar Regions survive their winters. I guess there is nothing like winter because there it is frozen all year long. When it is really hot in this country, it never occurs to one that it can also get very cold. When it is hot, I wish I could find myself in a cooler climate. And when it is cold like this week, I hanker for the hot summers. I suppose we just cannot win. Either it is extremely hot or extremely cold. Alternatively, there is drought, bringing gloom all round. Just how we ended up in a place like this is an explanation our ancestors owe us. I mean, other races ended up in lush tropical places like Mauritius where the weather is perfect all year round. I think I need to read more about human migration to understand why some people end up in nice places and others in inhospitable parts.

But since we are stuck here, I guess the best we can do is adapt to the situation. Having said that, winter brings people much closer. They stay indoors to try and keep warm. Fathers who forsook their families for drinking sessions after work now hurry off home to keep warm. In winter, families get to bond and reinforce their closeness. So, from a family values point of view, winter is the best season. I am sure preachers who rail against the loose morals of this world should curse summer and pray that the country is cloaked in winter forever. Take the Eskimos. I doubt if there is any infidelity in the Arctic where they live. How does one cheat in that harsh cold? There is absolutely no chance. Another thing is the heavy clothing they have to wear. How does one remove all those layers of fur for a quick session with their lover? Couples that cheat have to meet somewhere where there is cover.

At least from the pictures I have seen there is not a single tree in the Polar Regions. Therefore, besides concern at being lashed by the icy cold there is just no where for cheating Eskimos to meet in secret because everyone can see everyone. I am sure Eskimo families are the closest in the world. But I think winter also presents opportunities for everyone in this country. Take women. Winter should be the best time for women. In fact, like the preachers, women should pray for winter to last forever.
Like I said, they get to see their husbands more often. But unmarried women also have opportunities. There is nothing women like more than being told they are loved.

Apparently, it is a source of pride to them. It gives them a sense of security and, in a competitive environment, distinguishes them from their counterparts who are not loved. Simply put, women believe in the myth called love. That brings me to single men. I just want to offer tips to men out there who have to contend with the cold alone. They are idiots. They don’t have to be alone in winter. No man has to be alone in winter. With a bit of planning, any man can get himself a winter woman. That is why I say winter presents wonderful opportunities. All a guy has to do in winter is hook up with a single woman. Women love men who visit and stay home.

Now in winter where can a man go? So out of need for warmth the man can afford to visit his new partner everyday. Men don’t like sleeping over. They want to do their job and get out. I mean there are other things to do such as checking on the other woman. But in winter a man can demonstrate his affection by spending nights over. That would endear him to the woman because the female tribe knows how averse men are to spending nights. By spending many nights in succession the woman will also be convinced the man is hers alone. Again because of the cold, a man has to eat.

Very few men are able to cook for themselves. Now because he has a home to go to at which he spends nights, a man can eat well in winter. Granted, some women are bad at cooking but to escape the cold, one just has to grit their teeth and swallow whatever is on offer. I am a practical man. I just wish more men were like me. In winter, the important thing is to stay warm, sleep well and eat. All that is easy to achieve if chaps took my tips. But in this transaction, the most important thing is for the man to tell his winter woman how deeply he loves her. All women want to be loved. So the three little words are the key to warmth, food and a good night’s sleep. Winter does wonders. I mean the next time you go to the shops just look at the number of couples doing their shopping together.

It is the closeness brought about by the cold. In summer couples shopping together will be few and far between. In fact, in summer there are many pregnant women walking around alone who conceived in winter because the man stayed home and professed his deep love. They are walking around pregnant and alone because at the end of winter the man disappeared and resumed his normal life. So for chaps who have been wondering what to do to stay warm I say it is easy. Just get yourselves a winter woman by expressing your love for her. Those three little words are like music to the ears of many women. For them it promises eternal happiness.

So chaps go ahead and tell them how much you love them. I mean in exchange for warmth, food and shelter it is a small price to say you love somebody when you don’t really mean it. Tell them what they want to hear. And as soon as winter is over, life can get back to normal!


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