Friday, September 18, 2020

“A letter to Minister Ndelu”

Dear Bra Ndelu

Once again I am trying to touch base. I think that is not asking too much. You know as ‘brothers’ we need to keep checking on each other. Please do say hi, once more to your cousin president and assure him I will write him one of these days. He should not be worried that I only check on you and kind of neglect him. We need each other like never before. You know blood is thicker than water!

It may also be necessary to assure the VP that I am also thinking about him. I read some newspaper article some weeks ago, calling him a Kwaito artist and I could not stop swearing, almost using the F word. Just imagine Bra Ndelu, kana if we let them continue they would soon refer to him as – VP a.k.a Mandoza. That is how these lousy nobodies call each other. That is too crude I know but I sometimes feel we need that raw chap in Mzansi to tell them that ‘rubbish’ is what is in their heads. But I never stop wondering why they call our VP a kwaito star. Is it because the other day in parliament our man simply wanted some limelight? Do they think they monopolise bo-celeb? Anyway, just ask him to remain calm and avoid speaking in public otherwise he will let slip some of his rhymes. Remember the ‘one or two killings’, and ‘we will rule this country militarily’ and of course the limelight one. He must remain happy, after all ‘Happiness is the state of mind’ whatever that means!

Bra Ndelu, you are in the news again. I am not sure if you want to dethrone your cousin the newsmaker of the year award. Anyway it still makes sense, let us keep the trophy in the family. I must confess, sometimes I feel I am family too. The way I feel at home when I speak to you makes me sleep very well at night. Some say it is sycophancy but hey, if that is a compliment, thank you very much. I do look forward to meeting other members of the family, you know them, bo Olebeng. I think they also sometime feel they are family too. I admire the determination and commitment they put into this work. I think we must advice your cousin President to order Bra Bojosi, the VC, to give these chaps some honorary degrees- Dr. Olebs and Prof. Macd, I think they deserve it!

Oh by the way I hear one of them is making it big as a tenderprenuor- Do not worry about this term, I got it from the Mzansi media. It actually refers to tender smart entrepreneurs. We need people like him. What impresses me is that he is either a fast learner or you are a good teacher. I mean really- here is someone who passionately defended you the other day when people tried to eat you alive for being smarter than them. Just some few months ago he publicly cried and bemoaned the fact that he has been forgotten when crumbs were apportioned. Then you retained your ministry of defence and security; and as they say the rest is history. This is someone I would not mind rewarding. Remember, he put his head on the block for you, and even suggested that those who want the declaration of assets must be prepared to declare their concubines too. Lol!

And now he has a cut in the police uniform supply. I wish you played a role in making sure that our colleague gets rewarded. But knowing you and your ‘good boy’ tendencies, you probably did not want anything to do with it. I do not think even your cousin president had anything to do with it. I am however interested to know how did your company fare this time around? Oops! I mean your wife’s company? Sorry for that. But did it bid for the tender? I mean, just between us, tell me. If I were you I would use someone like Bra Macd to do it on my behalf just so that I concentrate on ministerial duties.

But the police uniform idea is great. What I like most about it is that they are now putting on proper shirts not those safari suits. Apparently those ones took a year to wear out and I understand our tenderprenuors were not happy at all. So with this new uniform, a month is enough to get it torn and a new set would be supplied. This makes business sense because we have a lot of people to reward or thank for their role in defending you and your cousin president or even the party. That is my suggestion for the future, right now I know you haven’t thought of this great idea. You know let us have our own securipreneurs! Yea, I said it, the security entrepreneurs! You know, the Made in Botswana type.

I understand you are still the minister? After all that noise? You know that is why I love this country. People like you give colour to our governance and anti corruption campaigns. You can’t get this in the UK or USA.

Where else would you get a minister, in the middle of corruption related allegations, remaining in office despite all the hullaballoo? You even went further and encouraged the corruption agency, led by someone you share a surname with to investigate you?
I have always heard of people resigning to give way for investigations but not you Bra Ndelu. Not here! You would rather sue the accusers! Bravo!

I read the letter you wrote threatening to sue. Ah, do not bother, they do not have money to pay you. What they know is just PHD syndrome and nothing else. Just loud mouths for nothing. That company is owned by your wife. Not you. Some people have the temerity to say you and your wife are one thing.

Where did they get that from? They even went further to remind us of that other case, in which one was accused of favouring his nephew, heelang! Don’t people know the difference between nephew and wife? And by the way, you are the minister and not just an ordinary minister but that of Defence and Security and not only that but the cousin to the president. Sometime, I agree with Dignash, batho ga ba itse dilo ka bontsi.

In fact we must give credit to your cousin president. You know your cousin can be handful at times. I like him because ga a na tlhong. He knows his own. Ask Bra Samson, he did not know what hit him.

Talking of affidavits, there is also this rumour regarding the Nchindo Case and your affidavits. Or is it subjudice for us to talk about it? I can only advice that those excitable young men at the AG be transferred to the Ministry of Sports and Youth; they can be too playful at times. They must go, otherwise the next thing they will start entertaining other ideas.

Bra Ndelu, I have to go but we must meet one of these days. As for resigning, do not even think about it.

This is Botswana, not UK or America. And why should you resign? For having a wife entrepreneur who has identified a niche market? Forget it!

Cheers and stay put!

Yours

Thapelo Ndlovu

P.s I was writing in a hurry, so do not mind the repetitions. But one more time, DO NOT RESIGN

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