I learn that Tiger Woods has announced his return to golf. Because I don’t like golf I am not excited. But as far as I am concerned the chap is fool. I never thought America could produce such a fool.
How can a grown man like Tiger tearfully announce to the world that because he gave his wife a rest, he now regrets it. I mean men regularly give their partners some rest by turning to other women. Now this idiot tells us he is sick because he was sleeping with other women. Up to this day I still can’t believe it. A lot of normal men who are not idiots are still baffled why sleeping with other women can be considered a disease that should commit a man to treatment for sex addiction. In fact many women consider Tiger Woods a buffoon because they have never heard of a man who sleeps only with one woman. Apparently women are very angry at Tiger for suggesting they don’t deserve some rest from their men.
Anyway back to golf. For the uninitiated golf is that activity where the players hit a little white ball all day long on a lush green field with the sole purpose of rolling it into a small hole. You see, with football, the game of the masses, the idea is to put the ball between the goalposts. The idea is similar. With golf the objective is to roll the ball into the round hole with as few mistakes as possible. That said, golf also happens to be the game that will be the first to be banned when the people finally seize power and create a society where we are all equal. The reason for this is because golf uses up so much land that could otherwise be utilized for a more serious purpose. Right now millions in many parts of the world go to sleep on an empty stomach.
This is not on account of laziness on their part. The problem is that there is not enough arable land on which to grow food and feed the hungry. A lot of land is now taken up by golf courses. If all the golf courses in the world were utilized for growing food, less people would be hungry. Let us also appreciate that many people have no land to call their own. For the sake of self worth, every human being needs to own a piece of land. Look, all said, golf is an indulgent and selfish game. Because it cannot be played on bare ground, acres and acres of lush green lawn have to be laid to ensure the ball rolls smoothly into that little hole. Now for the lawn to attain its appearance, lots of water has to be used to nourish it. In many villages around the world, people drink contaminated water. In other places water is very difficult to find. Again if all the water used to nourish golf courses were given to the thirsty, the quality of life would improve drastically. With so much resources spent on creating golf courses, it is no wonder golf is a sport of the rich.
Only wealthy people are able to play golf. Unlike a football pitch where the poorest players only need a ball and patch of ground to display their skills, with golf it’s a different world altogether. The little white ball is very expensive for starters. The players also need an iron stick with which to drive the ball. The iron stick is known as club. You cannot show up at a golf course with only one stick. You have to acquire a set of them because each has a specific function when it comes to rolling that little white ball into the hole. It would be blasphemy to just take your golf clubs and hoist them over your shoulders. They must be kept in a bag manufactured from the most expensive leather. With so many people around the world walking barefooted, I don’t understand why this leather cannot be used to make shoes for them. Golfers don’t wear any odd choice of clothing. There is prescribed gear which is bought from specialized shops and it doesn’t come cheap. They wear pants of a certain cut. Like I said you cannot play golf barefooted. You have to own a pair of very expensive shoes with spikes on their soles. Golf is also slavery. Every golfer needs a slave. Known as a caddie the role of the slave is to carry the golf bag and generally play the function of a flunky. It is for this flunky to grieve when the slave master plays a bad shot and exult when the ball rolls into the hole. Without a doubt this is one sport that will be a casualty of the revolution. I have never had much time for golf.
How can you follow a sport where for the most part the game is played in deathly silence and the spectators are not allowed to jeer and cheer the villains and heroes? At a golf course silence is the golden rule and any infraction results in ejection from the arena. For reasons stated, it is obvious I have serious issues with the game. There is only one reason why I keep track of golf.
And that is because I like golf courses. I take an active interest in golf courses. I think I know every golf course in the country. This is because I want a head start. I am preparing to stake my claim the day the people seize power. When the revolution starts everyone becomes a looter and dashes straight to the shops. Not me. When the rest of you are busy looting shops and liberating frozen chicken, tomato sauce and rice, i won’t be with you. I won’t be part of the mob carting off fridges and television sets to shacks that have no electricity. Instead I will be strolling on a golf course laying claim to my piece of land because every man deserves to own land.
As a man who has no land, I have no time for that idiot Tiger Woods and his obscene game of golf. I am waiting for the day the people seize power and I finally get my piece of land; the golf course!
