University of Botswana Senior Social Work lecturer Poloko Ntshwarang makes being the eldest daughter sound like an affliction. She actually talks of the “eldest daughter syndrome.” Hardly surprising. Being an eldest daughter means frequently feeling like you are not doing enough, like you are struggling to maintain a veneer of control, like the entire household relies on your diligence.
Dr Ntshwarang says, “Following a patriarchal pecking order, the eldest daughter often bears the brunt of the burden among her siblings.” She explains that “the ‘eldest daughter syndrome’ can impair eldest daughters’ well-being and steal their childhood as they are rushed into assuming a disproportionate amount of adult responsibilities—also known as parentification. In doing so, it reproduces gender inequality in domestic labor from one generation to another. The “cure” might seem simple -we need families to recognize the unfair burden that may have been placed on the eldest daughter and to redistribute household responsibilities more equally. Yet, doing so is far from straightforward. It requires male family members in particular to step up their contribution to domestic work. In turn, it requires us to undo centuries of thinking about housework and care as something gendered and ‘feminine.’”
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